Sometimes I play this game where I see how ugly I can make myself look. Totally serious. I don’t think it’s really a conscious decision. There are just some days when I find myself playing it. I wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and realize my face looks puffier and slightly more pale than usual. That sort of sets the tone for the rest of the day. I reach for an old pair of sweatpants instead of those cute new jeans, I put my frizzy hair up in a disastrous bun and I throw on a sports bra even though I know there’s only a 6-8% chance I will actually exercise. It’s like I make an agreement with myself in the morning mirror to never fully wake up that day. I hope you all have had this experience.
In the morning, you go to class where it’s acceptable to look like a hobo. Some people think you’re a student-athlete. This could be a bad thing depending on how you feel about college athletes never wearing anything but their fancy embroidered gym sweats, but I choose to look on the bright side. It’s nice to assume that people briefly consider me a strong person who is capable of aggression.
Later, you find yourself at a public coffee shop that adults frequent. And by adults I mean people not associated with your school. I mean real human beings. They are on their lunch breaks, running errands for their bosses, rushing to pick their sons up from a piano lesson. They look at you and you know they are embarrassed for America’s youth.
I worry about my ugly day appearance more than most people in my position probably do. Are sweatpants, T-shirts and unbrushed hair as inappropriate as they were in 1960? I don’t want to offend anyone. My Dad would say I’m wearing pajamas but then again he wears speedos at the pool, so who really knows?
I meet this fleeting self-consciousness with more attempts to make myself appear less attractive. I’m not asking for sympathy here, this is just a game. I release my forever sucked-in stomach somehow force the bags under my eyes to grow even larger and let my hunchback have its day in the sun.
In the coffee shop, that pretty girl who plays all the leads in the plays walks by. She looks amazing in her knee-high boots, patterned high socks, wool peacoat, black jeggings and perfectly styled hair. For a fleeting second you feel embarrassed. I mean, she’s rocking jeggings. You sit up straight, roll up your sleeves and act like you’re working hard on some really important Anthropology assignment. Pretty girl leaves with her hot green tea and you can relax again. You’re free to buy another biscotti. It’s okay; it’s your ugly day. We all have them. Go big or go home. (But don’t actually go home. I know you will be tempted.)
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Rachel you are a gifted writer and I hope to see more from you. This could be any one of us. I have been out of school for some time and think the ugly days happens with more frequency now. In fact what you consider an ugly day (which by the way, would be hard for you to ever have) might just be a going out for dinner look for me…..
bahahahahah. this is me a to freak T!!! i love it. the only times i ever brush my hair (ugly day or not) is when i’m getting in the shower and when i’m getting out. that’s it.
I’ve gone out in pajamas (a matching set of top and bottom actual pjs, think chaz from the royal tenenbaums) at 8pm on a saturday night. And for my shoes i wore leather house slippers…And i carried around a quilt because it was cold and my friend smoked and liked to sit outside the coffee shop. Someone said i looked adorable and took a photo of me, but i have no idea if this was just a ploy to get me to pose for a photo so she could show her friends the weirdo…
And i haven’t brushed my hair since i was ten…but i have wavy hair and think it ruins the waves if i brush it…
I never brush my hair either, it makes it really flat, frizzy and gross.
On my ugly days, I actually make a conscious effort to brush it, haha!
Indeed, these days do follow one into adulthood….yet now I know I can take back my power and turn them into a game. Brilliant idea!!!!
I’m an “adult” and I still have days like that.
As a student athlete who wakes up at 5:23 four mornings a week too jump in the pool, it’s hard not to wear the nice embroidered sweats. Ugly day happens a lot.
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Have you ever had a “fat face day?”