Description: Do you have experience removing Raccoons from the Attic? I have a raccoon that has taken residence. Email me with a quote if you know how to trap and remove the raccoon. I’m in Sun Valley. Thanks.
Compensation: Depends on quote.
Description: Need someone to hand-tie my boiled spaghetti into knots. Two knots per string. Strings must remain unbroken. This is a serious offer. This is a traditional meal from my homeland. I do not have time to do this for my husband. Godbless. Serious inquiries only.Please do not contact with spam.
Compensation: $9/hour 1 hour job
Female Magician’s Assistant (No Experience Necessary)
Description: Local magician/escape artist seeking a female assistant. The ideal candidate is over the age of 18, and willing to learn! No experience is necessary, as I am able to train. If you’re interested, please send resume and recent photos.
Compensation: $500 per week
Description: I’m looking to hire a female nail technician (doesn’t have to be pro, just neat and know what you’re doing) to give me a bi-weekly pedicure in my house. I am a 27-year-old male living in Pasadena and just don’t have the time to head to a nail salon every two weeks. Besides, it can sometimes feel weird when I’m having my feet tended to with a bunch of women around me doing the same, haha. I have all the tools and scrubs I will want you to use, just need your expert hands. Looking for nail trim, take care of cuticles, remove calluses, shape toenails, buff toenails, scrub feet and legs with a sugar scrub and a half hour massage or so. Let me know if you can do this, and what your rates might be. If interested, I also need some housekeeping and laundry done and you can do this on the same day you come for the pedicure. The housekeeping is optional, and would of course pay additional.
Compensation: No pay
TV Host/Comic with Paranormal/E.T./Psychic Expertise
Description: A television production company is looking for a smart, articulate and witty TV Host/Comic with some serious expertise in the Paranormal/E.T./Psychic fields. Please reply to firstname.lastname@example.org with your cover letter, resume, headshot, and credits/reel.
NOW CASTING MY CAT FROM HELL!
Description: ANIMAL PLANET’S MY CAT FROM HELL IS NOW CASTING!!! IS YOUR CAT’S BEHAVIOR DRIVING YOU OR OTHERS CRAZY? ARE YOU AT YOUR WIT’S END? DO YOU NEED HELP GETTING YOUR CAT TO BEHAVE? JACKSON GALAXY, our expert cat behaviorist, hasn’t met a cat he couldn’t help! If your cat has behavioral problems that are driving you crazy, then send us an email today! From excessively growling, meowing, nipping, scratching, biting, tearing the house upside down, Jackson will try to transform your cat back to the feline you love! MY CAT FROM HELL IS LOOKING FOR YOUR CAT FROM HELL!! Must live in/around the Los Angeles area. EMAIL US: HELLCATSCASTING@GMAIL.COM
Description: Looking for a detailed articulated Henson-like puppet critter for a character named CHITTER who shoots arrows! Anything strange/cute/monkey like, large eyes, Labyrinth or Dark Crystal-esque etc, Not Muppet-ish. It’s a long shot but I’m looking for the possibility of finding an EXISTING puppet, opposed to hiring someone to design/fabricate the creature from scratch. Send any pics or info to email@example.com. Thanks very much.
Thanks so much to readers Ilana and Kira for sending this hilariousness our way! Please be sure to check them out on Twitter and Tumblr!