From Our Readers

The Top Five Oh-So-Real and Unedited Craigslist Job Offerings of the Month

Raccoon Removal
Date: 2011-05-27
Description: Do you have experience removing Raccoons from the Attic? I have a raccoon that has taken residence. Email me with a quote if you know how to trap and remove the raccoon. I’m in Sun Valley. Thanks.
Compensation: Depends on quote.

Spaghetti Tier
Date: 2011-05-25
Description: Need someone to hand-tie my boiled spaghetti into knots. Two knots per string. Strings must remain unbroken. This is a serious offer. This is a traditional meal from my homeland. I do not have time to do this for my husband. Godbless. Serious inquiries only.Please do not contact with spam.
Compensation: $9/hour 1 hour job

Female Magician’s Assistant (No Experience Necessary)
Date: 2011-05-22
Description: Local magician/escape artist seeking a female assistant. The ideal candidate is over the age of 18, and willing to learn! No experience is necessary, as I am able to train. If you’re interested, please send resume and recent photos.
Compensation: $500 per week

In-Home Pedicure
Date: 2011-06-02
Description: I’m looking to hire a female nail technician (doesn’t have to be pro, just neat and know what you’re doing) to give me a bi-weekly pedicure in my house. I am a 27-year-old male living in Pasadena and just don’t have the time to head to a nail salon every two weeks. Besides, it can sometimes feel weird when I’m having my feet tended to with a bunch of women around me doing the same, haha. I have all the tools and scrubs I will want you to use, just need your expert hands. Looking for nail trim, take care of cuticles, remove calluses, shape toenails, buff toenails, scrub feet and legs with a sugar scrub and a half hour massage or so. Let me know if you can do this, and what your rates might be. If interested, I also need some housekeeping and laundry done and you can do this on the same day you come for the pedicure. The housekeeping is optional, and would of course pay additional.
Compensation: No pay

TV Host/Comic with Paranormal/E.T./Psychic Expertise
Date: 2011-06-08
Description: A television production company is looking for a smart, articulate and witty TV Host/Comic with some serious expertise in the Paranormal/E.T./Psychic fields. Please reply to production148@gmail.com with your cover letter, resume, headshot, and credits/reel.

NOW CASTING MY CAT FROM HELL!
Date: 2011-07-06
Description: ANIMAL PLANET’S MY CAT FROM HELL IS NOW CASTING!!! IS YOUR CAT’S BEHAVIOR DRIVING YOU OR OTHERS CRAZY? ARE YOU AT YOUR WIT’S END? DO YOU NEED HELP GETTING YOUR CAT TO BEHAVE? JACKSON GALAXY, our expert cat behaviorist, hasn’t met a cat he couldn’t help! If your cat has behavioral problems that are driving you crazy, then send us an email today! From excessively growling, meowing, nipping, scratching, biting, tearing the house upside down, Jackson will try to transform your cat back to the feline you love! MY CAT FROM HELL IS LOOKING FOR YOUR CAT FROM HELL!! Must live in/around the Los Angeles area. EMAIL US: HELLCATSCASTING@GMAIL.COM

Puppet creature
Date: 2011-07-03
Description: Looking for a detailed articulated Henson-like puppet critter for a character named CHITTER who shoots arrows! Anything strange/cute/monkey like, large eyes, Labyrinth or Dark Crystal-esque etc, Not Muppet-ish. It’s a long shot but I’m looking for the possibility of finding an EXISTING puppet, opposed to hiring someone to design/fabricate the creature from scratch. Send any pics or info to spacedisco1@yahoo.com. Thanks very much.

Thanks so much to readers Ilana and Kira for sending this hilariousness our way! Please be sure to check them out on Twitter and Tumblr!

Ilana can be found at @ilanabergerimhavingfunnow.tumblr.com and Kira at @kiracoplin .

  • http://www.facebook.com/catherine.maier Catherine Paige Maier

    In Home Pedicure sounds like an awful deal.. No pay? Really lady. Yous crazy. o_O

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1392540004 Allison Langford Smith

      Sadly enough, it was a fella, not a lady…..

    • http://www.facebook.com/megaounce Megan Younce

      he DID say to send him rates though, maybe he just forgot to fill in the pay section?

  • http://www.facebook.com/valerie.huerta1 Valerie Yvonne Huerta

    OMG, MAGICIANS ASSISTANT SOUNDS SO COOL!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1638626197 Kimberly ‘Roddy’ Jimenez

    Ha ha, where do I sign up for the in home pedicure/housekeeping/laundry position for no pay??? WTF???? That one just sounded creepy.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarastollings Sara Stollings

      Yes, really creepy. But it wasn’t for no pay. I think the compensation section just hadn’t been filled out. He asks what a rate might be, and notes that he’d pay extra for house keeping.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rage.arceo Rage Arceo

    The no pay on the In Home Pedicure is misleading. The (poor) guy’s asking the prospective pedicurist to name his/her price. But the extra housekeeping/laundry is too much.

    The Cats from Hell posting reads like a commercial for dubious products on the Home Shopping network, tbh.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jasminemaurie Jasmine Chavez

    Come on guys, he actually says “Let me know if you can do this, and what your rates might be.” He probably put no pay only because he doesn’t know what the rate should be. I don’t think the man is delusional. Its kind of cute that he wants his feet to look fresh. (:

  • http://www.facebook.com/ladadee Lindsay Fickas

    I see Magician’s Assistant, and I just think “GOB Bluth.” Maybe I need to lay off the Arrested Development.

    • http://www.facebook.com/gwendolynnby Gwendolynn Barbee-Yow

      There is no such thing as too much Arrested Development

  • http://www.facebook.com/liz.haebe Liz Haebe

    Spaghetti tier? Wow. Ummm…yeah, wow.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gwendolynnby Gwendolynn Barbee-Yow

    I wish I could be the Magician’s assistant. That sounds like an amazing job. I think I just found a life goal…..

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1060260098 Sophie Tollini

    omg the in-home pedicure that is priceless!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1371372953 Taylor Wendt

    Coming from a person who did in fact have raccoons in the ceiling above her bedroom making tons of noise in the middle of the night, mating I believe, I could have used that Craigslist add.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarastollings Sara Stollings

      yeah that one wasn’t too bad. I wouldn’t post that on craig’s list though, I’d just call a company! You never know the kind of people you could get responses from on there…

  • http://www.facebook.com/stepharchie Stephanie Archibald

    Raccoons are cute, I wish we had them in Australia. Raccoons and squirrels. Yes sir. Oh, and hedgehogs. Ah huh.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Carolizzle.Sophizzle Carolina Sabate

    I wouldn’t mind the Magicians Assistant at all.!

  • http://www.facebook.com/kaless Kaylea Selinski

    mmm hand tied spaghetti … I know what I’m making for dinner!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jreynolds.lynn Josilynn Reynolds

    i love magic :)

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