From Our Readers

The Top Five Jobs I'll Probably Never Have

1. The person who edits movie trailers
Seriously, best job ever. Have you ever noticed how they always pick the best parts of the movie and there is always a kicking song playing in the background? My favorite is always the classic running montage, especially when it’s set to some killer female vocals (think Natasha Bedingfield in the Morning Glory trailer, or Rihanna in the previews for Confessions of a Shopaholic). And then you go see the actual movie and surprise surprise, you’ve already seen all the parts worth seeing and the song from the trailer isn’t even on the movie soundtrack. It is pure magic to me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love trailers. Maybe even more than I love movies.
P.S. Who is the guy who does all the voice overs? I’m convinced it has to be the same person.

2. The “Rep”
I am an avid reader of the E! News app on my iPhone. It’s a guilty pleasure, so sue me. Anyway, I’ve always been fascinated by the concept of a representative who speaks for a celebrity. For example: “According to Kim Kardashian’s rep…” “In a statement released by Britney’s rep…”. Who are these nameless people who speak for Jennifer Aniston and how do I become one? Is there no limit to what they can say as someone else? “We are doing everything in our power to protect him from this kind of malicious fabrication. But frankly, we all know that it’s probably true”. Is that acceptable?
(Just kidding guys, I’m majoring in Public Relations. I’m well aware of the rules.)

3. A buyer for a clothing company
Really, there’s not a ton to be said about this subject. You pick the clothes that they sell at Macy’s or whatever. You are, in essence, deciding what Aunt Ida will get for Christmas or what colors of shoes are available in certain sizes. Complete power.

4. Ice cream taste tester
You guys, I’m really good at eating ice cream. Plus, I hear they give you a gold-plated spoon.

5. Historical Consultant on the History Channel
For one thing, I’m convinced that most of these people are paid actors with made-up credentials. For another, how are we supposed to know that they know what they’re talking about? Where are the sources? For all we know, they are just making it up as they go along to make for good TV. Look, I’ve had several college history classes. I think I could totally hold my own, sitting in a cushy armchair while wearing a pantsuit and spouting off my own facts. “Well, the thing you have to remember about the ancient Romans is that many of them actually believed that the Carthaginians were in fact aliens from Mars. The second Punic war is a great example of the stereotyping that was prevalent throughout the entire empire…”.

If you hear of any job openings in any of these fields, please let me know.

by Heather Foster

  • Lane Valentine Hunt

    Sometimes it’s just as good to be friends with those people. One of my friends is a buyer for Banana Republic and The Gap and he posts pics of what’s “influencing” him on Facebook. He has great taste! I’d really love a job reading books, though. Not the stuff you’d have to read from the slush piles at a publishing house — the real stuff! I’m really good at it. I also feel I could help Brendon Fraser make better movie choices. Is there a job opening for that?

    • Meghan Cook

      Nice Brendan Fraser joke!

  • Chaucee Stillman

    Whoa, being a buyer for The Gap would be an awesome job!

  • Sheena Marie

    I’ve always been interested in being one of those answer readers on Jeopardy. You get to travel the world and see all these random and amazing places,get your hair and makeup done and wardrobe, and read off of a cue card for 5 seconds while they tape you. then off to the next amazing place.

  • Shandra Goldfinger

    One of my professors was on the History Channel once. He admitted he made up most of it because they had him talk about a topic (ancient toilets?) that he did not have expertise in and it was super short notice. So, they are qualified academics, but sometimes they’re pulled in for a topic that they don’t really know anything about and just make some educated guesses. For this reason, I do not ever trust the History Channel.

  • Pamella Ann de Leon

    Also, mattress tester!

  • Mallory Wagner

    Or a food critic. I mean seriously. What could possibly be needed to nail that job?

  • Marleen Moll

    How about a tester for gadgets? I’m thinking rocket shoes, iPad 3, automatic banana peelers, spy-gear…

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