Writing In BedThe Time My Pants ExplodedMarianna Tabares

Not trying to rip off (no pants pun intended) Laurie Notaro or anything, but I once had an exploding pants incident.

I was in the backseat of my friend’s car as she drove me and another friend to complete an errand of hers. I don’t know what maneuver occurred between my thighs as I got out of the car, but it created a horrifying sound, one that humbled me instantly. My jeans ripped and I couldn’t figure out exactly from where, but I knew it started somewhere between the bottom of my right butt cheek and ended above the knee, and what was worse, I was too far from home to save myself from the wardrobe malfunction.

Both of these friends were roommates at the time, so when we got back to their place, I searched through the closet of the friend whom I figured might have a pair of jeans into which I could fit. Alas, they did not and I had to just deal with my own unfortunate pair. To add to my sense of humiliation, we were waiting on a visit from a friend, a GUY friend, on whom I had a crush at the time. I figured, as long as I stay in this chair and don’t move for the rest of the night, I’ll be fine. It’ll all be fine. I’ll go home at some point and bury my face into my pillows and scream.

He showed up and I waved hi from the chair. Everyone else got up to say hello and hug. I refused to make any movements across the room that would angle me out in such a way that my back would face him, or anyone, as I returned to my seat.

This is starting to feel like those mini-mortification stories I used to read in YM magazine where young girls would share about the time a tampon string was showing out of their bikini bottoms or something like, falling into a fountain at the mall in front of cute guys.

It’s something like that, but at least there’s a lesson here.

After that night, our guy friend pointed it out to me that he felt I was being a jerk with him. He said I wasn’t being friendly and that I seemed to be avoiding him. I realized that I could have just said something that night like, “Hi! I’m gonna just sit here because my thighs kind of destroyed my cheap jeans.” Instead, I let insecurity get the best of me and I didn’t even stop to think about how it would be perceived by other people in the room. I did finally admit to him that I was trying my best not to move around anywhere because there was a huge rip somewhere under my butt and that I didn’t want anyone to find out that I don’t shave above the knee (unless it’s a special occasion, you guys).

I know, I’m exaggerating about my pants exploding, but it’s what my imagination caused me to believe had happened. My own insecurity made me think there was some kind of devastation happening below the belt and I made it out to be a huge thing when in reality it was a snafu involving zero casualties.

We’ve all had these mini moments of unnecessary embarrassment and anxiety, but some of us learn to overcome the moment with a great sense of humor and confidence. It would be FUN if you would share here your own little story. It’ll be just like when we read them in our favorite teen magazines. Let’s all feel better right now.

Closeup of Hole In An Old Pair of Jeans via ShutterShock

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  1. 3rd day of work at a new job, went to the conference room for a meeting, plopped down into a random chair. Said chair was actually broken, but someone had forgotten to remove it and I went bum over heels onto the floor. We’re talking wearing a dress, legs in the air (my last memory before blacking out from embarrassment was getting a view of the pock-marked ceiling), and landing on my back on the floor. My concerned colleagues all gathered round, mostly concerned (mostly) if I was okay, while the two girls that would end up being my buds laughed hysterically into their fists.

  2. I actually HAD the tampon string hanging out of my bathing suit happen when I was in high school. DEVASTATING (even though I don’t think anyone noticed).

  3. Rachel, how many times?! Maybe it’s time to get some pants that fit.

  4. I had the exact same thing happen to me! I was a sophomore in college and I was wearing cheap jeans. My friends and I were going to a party, so we took a cab and right when i got in they ripped in the exact same spot. When we got to the party I turned around and took the train back to my dorm. NOT a good look.

  5. I think I experienced the closest thing to an actual pants explosion possible. Last spring at a company sales conference, we ended one evening with an after party and dancing. The game was kind of a dance-off and whoever had the empty water bottle kicked to them was next up in the middle of the circle. My turn arrives and I attempt a ‘drop it like it’s hot’ booty move and – RIP! – the inner thighs of my jeans tear open like floodgates. I popped up, danced a little more in as controlled movements as possible, and kicked the bottle to the next person. Humiliated? Yeah, a little. Did anyone see? Perhaps, but hey- I was having fun at the time and it gives me a good story! Anyone attempting that move other than Beyonce ought to take caution, anway!

  6. This has happened to me sooooooooooooooooo many times. I feel your pain.

  7. Ooo! OO! YM had the BEST stories! What the heck ever happened to that magazine?!
    Anywhoo- embarrassing story- O.M.G…
    I am totally uncoordinated. A right ol’ klutz if you will. Yet, I still think it’s an amazing thing that I have this high heel obsession. My FIRST DAY at a real “big girl” job I dressed impeccably. Wanted to impress! Ha, I suuuuure did impress. The freaking hottie in sales was tasked with giving me the tour of both buildings… both TWO story buildings. Stairs. “Deep breath and concentrate” I thought as I started my first decent. Ha! No matter- I ended up sprawled, spread eagle on the floor in front of him- neon pink thong out and all. God damn suit skirt outfit thing and 4″ heels! I really had never blushed until then. Long story shortened it really WAS the most embarrassing moment of my life but he emailed me later in the week and asked me out for a drink. We dated for about a year (BIG mistake dont date co-workers OMG). Anyways… there it was. My humiliating moment.

  8. Once at work (I worked in a shop) I apparently somehow tucked my skirt into my tights (see-through so my underoos were visible) after going to the bathroom. None of my colleagues apparently noticed or bothered to say anything. About half an hour later a customer came up to me and whispered that my skirt was tucked in like that. I was quite surprised at my reaction because I couldn’t really give a crap that people had seen my pants! I just laughed it off and took out the skirt of my tights.
    There really just isn’t any need for embarrassment about these type of things. Years ago I might have been mortified but I just realised these things happen to everyone. It’s silly, clumsy and kinda funny and it doesn’t say anything about you as a person besides that you’re human. Nobody else really cares (apart from maybe some holes who would use anything as an excuse to put people down, but who cares about their opinion?) and neither should you!

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