Internet Dating Disasters

The Ten Worst Online Dating Messages I've Ever Received

Allana Mortell is a Chicago based writer, waiting tables and taking names in her spare time. If her life were a musical, that song at the end of Dirty Dancing would be the opening number. She thinks side tilting ones face in photos is way more flattering than looking straight on, cupcakes are meant to be eaten on the daily, and Pacey Witter will most likely father her babies. She blogs regularly at She tweets more than she should at @lanbaby.

Have a disastrous online dating experience? Tell us all about it at!

  • Jessica Leigh Campbell

    Haha. I loved your video. I actually wrote about this the other day! I had a similar, creepy experience.

  • Kristen Zemeitus

    Also just shared my own thoughts on online dating and the devil known as OkCupid.

    Love this video!

  • Joni Mimi Sopha

    My roommate and I were just talking about the lack of quality over the quantity of men on those dating sites.. BUT I just met someone this past weekend on okcupid. Here’s hoping the arrow shot does me well!

  • Ian Dutch Vanderwall

    Well, considering you’re so condescending towards what seems to be everything, now it’s my turn to analyze you. First, you definitely coined that two of the emails were your “personal favorites”. Were you lying or just incapable of remembering what you said 2 minutes ago? Second, I happen to have an account on OkCupid and find it really frustrating that people like you are on there. You’re not there to actually get to know someone, you’re there to boost your own waining self-confidence. Secretly, you love receiving these types of messages because it makes you feel better about yourself. To prove my point, you even said it in the introduction to your monotonous monologue. “Some asshole screwed me over [I’m sure at no fault of your own], I was really upset, bummed, pissed.” Then you went on to talk about how your friend said, “You don’t have to meet anyone, just do it.” What the HELL is the point, then? It’s people like YOU that make online dating just as frustrating as real-life dating, which you seem to have a real problem doing also. And what exactly is something “sexy” a guy can say in an introduction email to a girl he’s never met on an online dating site? Have you ever been the first one to initiate contact online with someone? Probably not. It’s not easy, nor does it ever come out smooth. It’s pretty damn awkward actually, messaging someone that you know little to nothing about in hopes of getting back a reply. Granted, those messages were by no means enticing, but I bet that you’ve gotten a lot of “good” messages on there as well that you completely ignored, too. You’re just another typical, superficial, little girl with huge self-esteem problems.

    • Michelle Akaa

      Hey dude, RELAX. Go get that stick of your butt and go get laid…

  • Laney Austin

    She has “huge self-esteem problems?” Let’s just take a step back for a second and look at you, attacking a girl who documented her stories on the internet for everyone to see and then having the audacity to call her superficial and typical? I’d say the person with the self-esteem issues is yourself. Stop writing personal manifestos to someone you don’t know, pick up a self help book, and get a life, asshole.

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