Misogynist Soup The state of Hillary's wardrobe, Hello from Vaginaland and Logic is hard Cézanne Colvin

To make this week’s Misogynist Soup, you will need the following ingredients:

  • Tim Gunn. You can probably find him in a Parsons workroom somewhere, throwing out gems like “I don’t know” or “This is concerning me.” Isn’t he great?
  • Summer’s Eve. Perhaps you can waft some up from your vertical smile.
  • Somebody in McKinney, Texas.

THE BROTH


“Tim, your argument was poorly constructed and sexist. I’m sorry, you’re out. Auf Wiedersehen!”
Photo via Joe Burbank/Orlando Sentinel.

Reality television star, fashion consultant and super quotable Tim Gunn left us with another one of his famous zingers last week on Lopez Tonight. Debt ceiling, schebt scheiling – Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has “cankles” and she’s not making her pantsuits work, according to Gunn. I know. It’s a crisis.

“Why does she dress that way?” Gunn wondered aloud. “I think she’s confused about her gender.”

If only Hil could just be a girl already and shell out $150,000 for a season of garments like Sarah Palin or almost five grand on hair and make-up like Michele Bachmann, we could all relax and focus on how vain and materialistic she is instead. Seriously, when are women in this country going to learn what the appropriate amount of attractiveness is?

After praising her “intellect”, “tenacity” and “what she does for our country in a governmental role”, Gunn concluded his observations on the seamlessness of Clinton’s ankle/calf region and her questionable gender by saying, “I just wish she could send a stronger message about American fashion.”

It’s so weird – Tim Gunn wants Hillary Clinton to be fashionable and I want him to stop being useless, but you can’t always get what you want.

Source: Gothamist.

THE MEAT



Photo via Summer Eve’s commercial (don’t miss the links below).

Hey, is your vagina innately disgusting?

Hold that thought – the answer is yes, according to Summer’s Eve, but they have a solution. Thank God.

For their “empowerment” campaign, Summer’s Eve urges you to “Hail to the V” – after all, dudes have fought and died (DIED!) for your vagina, so it must be worth taking care of.

Despite the fact that the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommend that women avoid douching entirely, Summer’s Eve suggests that we still need “cleansing wash” and “cleansing cloths”, Stacie Barnett, their advertising agency’s PR executive, insisted that these products are totally different than douching products and, in fact, are “no different than hand cream.” Furthermore, they’re what your BFF and vertical smile need. Lest you forget, your vagina implores you to ensure that it smells unnaturally fragrant because if it doesn’t, maybe guys wouldn’t want to wage war over it anymore. And then what would be the point?

Recognizing the shocking revelation that not just Caucasian women have BFFs between their legs, the company also offered additional commercials targeted at women who might not be able to relate to a white talking hand with a vaginal identity crisis (so, all of them?). Here’s one for gals who want to be fresh before they “hit the club”, as well as one for women who say things like “aye-yi-yi” in response to a layover. Yeah. They went there.

In response to the obvious outrage they faced due to the “racial stereotypes” (that’s code for “racism”) depicted in the videos, Summer’s Eve pulled them from YouTube and their website. Barnett said, “We do not think they are stereotypical.” I still don’t think Barnett has actually seen the videos.

I’m also a little disappointed that there wasn’t a commercial specifically geared toward us Asians — perhaps a funky-smelling clam-hand that can’t drive or studies all night or does whatever it is Summer’s Eve thinks us minorities will connect with. I guess we’ll never know.

But I do know this: Summer’s Eve is totally not a hand cream. It is a douche.

Sources: Adweek, Feministing.

THE TOPPING


A Molotov cocktail.
Photo via SF Weekly.

In an extremely “pro-life” move, a Planned Parenthood clinic in McKinney, Texas was attacked late at night with a Molotov cocktail. This particular clinic doesn’t provide abortions.

A glass bottle of with diesel fuel and a lit rag fuse caused a small fire at the entrance of the building but did not cause any injuries. A Planned Parenthood official said it did create “serious damage” to the facility, but the police were able to clean up the damage in time for the clinic to open for business the following morning.

Planned Parenthood tweeted, “We’re open for business today in McKinney, b/c our patients depend on us & our resolve to serve the community is strong as ever.”

Although it doesn’t appear that any suspects have been apprehended, I’d like to offer my investigative prowess to anyone looking for a lead. His or her solution to not wanting the public to receive birth control pills or pap smears was to toss a Molotov cocktail at them, so you can probably find the offender at the local college still trying to pass a logic course. You’re welcome.

Source: Huffington Post.

DIRECTIONS

Combine all ingredients and bring them to a boil, much like my blood pressure is at the moment. You’ll know it’s done when it tastes like misogyny with a hint of “please tell me this isn’t real life.” Enjoy!

comments

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  1. I just really really love you a lot.

  2. This is my favorite Hello Giggles article. No contest.

  3. Wow, my favorite post in the column so far. I mean the others are always enlightening, but I think this one particularly touched on things I was recently annoyed with. I love the way Colbert parodied the Summer’s Eve commercials. I still can’t believe they took the time to make them! I watched all three and was entirely disappointed in the way they presented the different ethnicities. I thought we were done stereotyping people? I am of Mexican descent and I do NOT sound like that one commercial. I never say Ay Ay Ay, and neither do any of my friends. Hell, neither does my mother.

  4. I don’t think people run their country with their wardrobes but with their minds, it’s their body, they can wear whatever they want as long as they do their job. But in this society it stands clear, if us women dress one way we are gender confused or if we dress the other way we are whores. Stereotypes, stereotypes, stereotypes…

  5. I like Tim Gunn. And I agree that Hilary has cankles. And I’m sorry. I want someone who’s running the country to be able to run a wardobe. And besides. He’s just being funny talking about something he knows. lol. That felt like a bit of a cheap shot at an obvious attempt to be funny about fashion. What ELSE is he going to do…Other than that good as always!

    • I get what you’re saying, and here’s what I think: if he had limited his viewpoint to saying that he thought her pantsuits were hideous, it would be one thing — he IS a fashion consultant, after all.

      But to tack on the added “joke” that she’s “confused about her gender” because of the way she dresses? It’s not funny. While his opinion isn’t the same as an actual political commentator’s, it shares the same feeling towards women in politics that we’ve seen time and time again — the expectation that they should be able to perfectly balance their femininity and competence in a way that makes the public take them “seriously” and also doesn’t make them seem like a “bitch” or “overly emotional,” which is really the bigger picture here.

      When you’re damned if you rack up a high hair and make-up bill and damned if the public doesn’t like your pantsuits and damned for being “unstable” if you cry on camera and damned for being “cold”if you don’t, the criticism that women face is entirely unique to us and unfair.

      Hillary isn’t a model, a fashion designer, or someone trying to make a top ten list at a red carpet. What she wears has no relationship to her job performance or her gender identity (THAT, in my opinion, was the cheap shot here). There are no men whose gender has been questioned, even jokingly, for wearing a work-appropriate outfit that someone just didn’t happen to like.

      I also like Tim Gunn, but I was disappointed by what came out of his mouth.

      Anyway, thank you for your input and kind comments on my column as well, and we may just have to agree to disagree about this. :)

      Filleosophy | 8/02/2011 01:08 pm
    • I agree that he really can only comment competently on fashion, but then he should limit his comments to people in the fashion industry or those who are walking a red carpet. I like Tim Gunn too, I think generally he’s witty and a bit of a goof. However, I think the point in the post was that a woman in politics shouldn’t have to attempt to be a model too. Male politicians don’t have to deal with nearly the same level of scrutiny about their fashion sense.

  6. Love, love everything you said. Preach on!

  7. ONE of the best things I’ve read here! I love it! LOVE!

  8. I saw a bit on The Daily Show about those ads and they creeped me out! What was their ad department thinking?

  9. Oh sweet jesus. So until now, I hadn’t actually seen the infamous Summers Eve ads. And I guess one could say I still haven’t technically seen them, since I had to shut each of the vag-hand ads off after about seconds each. Wow. WORST.

  10. so. good. as usual.

  11. Love this.