I love sisters. More than I love sisters, I love television shows about sisters! Over the years, there have been some very notable “sister-oriented” shows: Sister, Sister; Sisters; Brothers and Sisters; etc. On the sixth episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, sisterhood proved to be a dominant theme as the Richards Sisters joined forces to vanquish their (ill-perceived) enemies, or just one in particular – The Physically Corrupt Miss Brandi Glanville (Brandi was physically corrupted – still wearing a cast on this episode).
When I was at Boston College, there was a step group known as FISTS (Females Incorporating Step Through Sisterhood), and from the FISTS ladies I learned the power of sisterhood. The Richards Sisters had a similar theme going on, except they didn’t incorporate their sisterhood through step. Rather, the Richards sisters incorporated their sisterhood through aggressive snark. As a united front, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Snark verbally assaulted their enemy, Miss Brandi Glanville, several times over (again and again). Ultimately, Kim and Kyle Richards proved to be excellent allies to one another.
Having absolutely no allies on this episode, Miss Brandi “Slut Pig” Glanville had to fend for herself. Genuinely, I felt really bad for Brandi. In addition to being physically corrupted, she was all by herself in enemy territory, otherwise known as Dana Wilkey’s sparsely decorated (devoid of good taste and personal authenticity) home. Sadly, not one housewife came to Brandi’s defense or rescue. Even Brandi’s strongest ally, Adrienne Maloof, dropped out of the war (the game night) at the last minute, leaving Brandi all alone to fend for herself in enemy territory.
While some people are verbally and intellectually equipped to get into a war of words, it became immediately apparent that Miss Brandi Glanville is not one of those people. Rather than fighting against her enemies, Brandi sided with them: “Color me slut!” For most of the war (of words), I couldn’t grasp Brandi’s battle strategy. For every insult hurled, Brandi just agreed with her enemies!
At first, when Brandi affirmatively confirmed that she did indeed call Kyle a bitch, it seemed like she was loading up her ammunition to take one big shot; however, the minute Kyle (flanked by a wobbly Kim) opened fire on Brandi, she lost all of her moxie and descended into Dana’s tackily upholstered red velvet love seat, defeated. All of the tension and verbal warfare made for a very tense episode (I hid under the covers several times), save for Lisa’s delightful surprise.
Thank Beverly Heavens (that’s above Sunset Blvd, FYI) that Lisa Vanderpump brought some much needed wit and effortless joy to this tense, discord-ridden episode. The occasion for Lisa’s contentment was the official announcement of her daughter Pandora’s engagement to her longtime boyfriend Jason, he of the “been dating my daughter for five years” fame, before he proposed variety.
Over a beautifully prepared (extravagantly crystaled) dinner at Lisa’s house, Jason makes the engagement announcement in front of Lisa and Ken and his own parents, but before he can finish his toast, Lisa interrupts him to ascertain his intent. Since Lisa fears that this toast might be another one of Jason’s “wind up[s]” (he made an extravagantly emotional toast with no proposition for marriage on the previous season), her fear transforms into unbridled, pure bliss when she learns of Pandora’s engagement.
Fortunately, the only box Pandora had to open was a beautiful engagement ring box and Lisa couldn’t have been happier. Admittedly, when Lisa teared up talking about her baby girl’s engagement, I (“Lydia Deetz of sound body and mind”) teared up as well (don’t judge me)! Flooding my comforter, I also cried tears of joy for Giggy, since Pandora asked Lisa if Giggy would do her the honor of being the ring bearer. To quote Lisa, it was “perfect” (pronounced “puhrfecht”).
Things were less than perfect at Dana (AKA Pam)’s game night. Transitioning from bad to worse, the real housewives of Beverly Hills (high school) got super juvenile and tormented poor Brandi Glanville even more. As the clouds in her fuzzy (inebriated?) brain cleared, Kim Richards thought it would be a funny idea to steal Brandi’s crutches. Granted, it was quite funny – in a mean girl, Regina George sorta way.
The mean girl antics continued as the entire room ganged up on Brandi. Dana was the quintessential “beta-girl-follower”, antagonistically egging on Brandi: ““Did you really say that my friend Kyle is a bitch? Because she’s not a bitch.” “Kyle, she’s mean, I don’t like it – make it stop.” Knowing how horrific the Richards Sisters were behaving, Camille didn’t want to stand up for Brandi for fear that she would become Brandi (again): “Kyle and Kim were way caddy and high-school-like; it was like being with the mean girls.”
Standing up for herself (both figuratively and physically – standing up from the loveseat), Brandi tries to call out Kim’s odd behavior (several hundred trips to the bathroom, while sipping on a suspicious coffee drink like she was “sippin’ on gin and juice…laid back”). Hopping up to their stilettos, both Richards Sisters admonish Brandi with: “You watch your goddamn mouth, you’re a goddamn bitch!” In the most mature manner befitting a child star, Kim tells Brandi that her shorts make her look like a “little ho”.
For more class, sassafrass, and alpha-dogging, stay tuned for more episodes and recaps of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (High School).
Photo courtesy of bravotv.com