Have you guys ever gone down to the Humane Society and looked at all the adorable, mongrel faces just begging for a home? Occasionally, you may find a mongrel of definitive breed, like say an Old English Bulldog; and I dare say that’s what Kim Richards did with her boyfriend Ken – who bares an undeniable resemblance to the proud, illustrious Old English Bulldog with his stodgy, bulbous, yet loyal face. To the horror of her sister, Kyle, Kim announces that not only has she adopted the mongrel – she’s moving in with him!
As if she were presenting her bulldog puppy for the very first time, Kim Richards finally unveils the face of her mystery man to her sister Kyle, who cries at the sight of him. Kyle says that she knows why Kim kept her relationship a secret for the exact same reason that Kim knows why Kyle is crying. Although one might interpret Kyle’s purposely ambiguous phrasing as mysterious, I’m convinced that Kyle’s tears are genuine (at the sight of Ken’s bulldog face and at the thought of her sister moving in with said bulldog).
On the opposite end of the genuine spectrum, Taylor Armstrong invites all of the ladies (except Lisa) to a luncheon honoring “women in business”. The whole idea of Taylor being nominated as an outstanding businesswoman felt very Romy and Michelle (of Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion fame)- dressed up in their fake “businesswomen” power suits, ordering two “businesswoman specials”. In other words, Taylor’s nomination seemed quite laughable-given Taylor’s emotionally erratic, duplicitous behavior on the show.
Attempting to feign authenticity, Taylor insists that she didn’t invite Lisa for the following reason: “This was a big day for me, and I didn’t want to worry about her giving me some backhanded compliment wrapped up in sarcasm.” According to Lisa, who expressed genuine hurt at the snub, this would mark the first time that any of the housewives would be excluded from an event (“Pam” and Brandi don’t count as official housewives).
Hosting her own luncheon, Lisa invites all of the women over for a traditional, English afternoon tea. Unfortunately, Taylor shows up with an agenda (other than earl grey and cucumber sandwiches), and things get all kinds of Regina George at the tea party, which turns out into a full-blown fiasco. Most of the drama surrounds Taylor’s accusations of (get ready to LOL) Lisa’s “big ego” and her overall fakeness.
Not since a group of American Patriots dumped and destroyed a multitude of tea crates in the Boston Harbor has a tea party been so volatile, intense, and subversive. The subversion can be totally attributed to Taylor’s deliberate snub of Lisa, which she tried to masquerade as an attempt to keep things positive for herself; rather than a passive-aggressive dig at the expense of someone who has been quite forthcoming throughout the show.
As she does, Lisa took advantage of the opportunity to confront Taylor about the snub in a direct, fair, and confident manner. As Taylor does, she tried to deflect Lisa’s fair-game question by bringing up Lisa’s “big ego” as well as Lisa’s alleged refusal of Taylor’s friendship. According to Taylor, Lisa has consistently told her that she is “not [her] friend,” which begs the question of semantics.
In a very telling scene, Lisa candidly tells Taylor, “I’m not masquerading as your best friend, but if you need some place to stay, I am here for you.” The translation in Taylor’s brain transformed Lisa’s admirably truthful statement into, “Lisa, I am not your friend.” While I’m no expert in linguistics, I am perfectly proficient in the art of common sense, and the semantics of Lisa’s statement never once said, “Taylor, I am not your friend.”
Twisting Lisa’s words even further, Taylor insists that Lisa told all of the ladies that Taylor had “no friends,” when in actuality-Lisa said, “Taylor isn’t close with Camille.” Again, the question of semantics begs to be asked, which is great becauase I am 100% comfortable answering the question.
Laughably, the most horrendous insult hurled at the tea party is Taylor’s accusation that Lisa has a “big ego.” Apparently, Taylor can’t handle the fact that Lisa is her “own screen saver” on her IPAD, and Taylor gets Kyle to rally around her bogan accusation to which Kyle embarrassingly (for her) concedes “yes, I said you had a big ego.”
Again, while I’m no expert on linguistics, I am an expert on Beyonce. And Beyonce sang about the benefits of having a big ego: “Damn, I know I’m killing you with them legs/Better yet them thighs/Matter a fact it’s my smile/or maybe my eyes/Boy you a site to see/kind of something like me/Ego so big, you must admit-I got every reason to feel like I’m that bitch.” And Lisa really does have every reason to feel like “that bitch,” she’s fabulous!
In my experience, only insecure people (cough-Taylor) have problems with other people’s “big egos” (usually), and if Taylor is anything (besides fake, dramatic, questionable, and insincere), she is the poster child for insecurity. Maybe Taylor shouldn’t be so focused on Lisa’s ego, because it seems to me like Lisa walks and talks as she does because she can “back it up” (to quote Beyonce for the very last time [I promise]).
Just as the silence in defense of Lisa (and her big ego) explodes into deafening ellipses (like “…”), Camille comes out of the corner to call Taylor out on her attempts to deflect attention away from her very suspicious, very controversial marriage. For some time, it seems that Taylor has been telling all of the ladies that she is being “abused” by her husband Russell, yet all of the ladies seem to express certain doubts about Taylor’s claims.
Most notably, Camille Grammer relays a story about a lunch she and Taylor had where Taylor complained of her marriage the entire time and how her husband was going to leave her; only to leave with her husband on “a G4” at the end of the lunch. Once again, trying to deflect attention away from herself, Taylor insists that it’s time for all the ladies to be “honest”: “Everyone is talking behind everyone’s back, so let’s just start being honest.”
Some housewives heed to those types of request better than others, and Camille Grammer is one of those housewives. For most of this season, Camille Grammer has been working harder than Kim Kardashian’s post-divorce P.R. team to correct her notoriously awful (first season) public persona by carefully selecting her words. Instead of tossing around words like (lol Camille) “nefarious” and “morally corrupt” (like last season), Camille reserved some very choice words for Taylor Armstrong:
“I don’t think you have been putting everything out there, [Taylor]…[because] we have all been protecting YOU, because we don’t say that he hits you, because we don’t say that he broke your jaw…that he beat you, that he hits you. We don’t say that, but now, we said it.”
Allegedly, the truth will set you free, but this truth is oppressively sad. Still, I like to tell the truth, and since no one seemed to back up Lisa at her own Beverly Hills tea party; I decided that I was going to unabashedly shower Lisa with support, so Lisa-just like Beyonce: I love your big ego!
Stay tuned for more ego boosts and recaps of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for hellogiggles.com.
Photo courtesy of bravotv.com