The Overly Sensitive Club

“You hurt my feelings” or “My feelings are hurt” are expressions that I and many others and are being accused of overusing. We, as the splendid human beings we are, are constantly stating our hurt feelings and sometimes even expect others to fix said feelings.  Everyone has the need to be heard and understood and everyone should be. But they don’t have to be. As a proud member of the Overly Sensitive Club, (some might even call me the president), I have often wondered if being overly sensitive was a curse and other times felt it was a blessing. It really isn’t either of those but it is my situation and I plan to work the hell out of it. To me, someone’s hurt feelings are always valid but it doesn’t always make them right. One person’s situation is most likely very different from another’s and it’s all relative.

Sensitive people sometimes can’t stand other sensitive people, shockingly enough. I am always surprised at that. I almost assume it’s like being in a sorority – if we are both sensitive, there is an expectation for us suddenly connect with each other. Not the case, guys – sorry. I have had to learn over the years to let less and less affect me. I call it my “end of the world feeling”. When I was younger, a fight with my parents or friends at school could send me in such a tizzy that it would feel like the universe was crashing down around me.

Remember middle school and high school when each week it felt like a different friend was being dismissed from the “clique”? When it happened to you, it felt devastating.  As I get older, I have to fight back going to that place because truthfully – as adults – there is no room for that.

All the added energy you spend by being upset really gets you nowhere. Every self help book will tell you that and I have read lots so you can just listen to me. However, while moving on from a situation that you find hurtful is beneficial, keeping your feelings bottled up is simply not. Do not be afraid to be the “sensitive one” or the one who people have to “walk on eggshells around”. This only works if you make an effort to be sensitive to others; if not, then I’m sorry, you should just learn to act like a decent human. I shouldn’t have to parent you.  

Declare your hurt feelings to whomever you please, whenever you want. Fear no emotional breakdown or crying spiral attack – it’s all human and all in the name of life. But the trick here is to never ever expect a reaction or a cure from someone else, unless it’s a professional, because that’s their job.

Join me in my cause to let sensitive people be. We are growing in numbers but lacking in support.

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  • Johanna Ehnle

    Fantastic advice! I tend to be a sensitive one, and I’m trying to transition from negativity with more grace. Thanks for the pep talk!

  • Carolina Rodríguez

    OH MY GOD!!! I love this. I am sooo a member of this club. Perhaps vice-president???

  • Katelyn Thompson

    I totally agree with this!! I can be this way as well! And so many times I have actually had my husband say to me “You have to big of a heart.” and it true you do at times wish you didn’t ! Great advice! Beautifully written!

  • Tammi Zahn Perdew

    I have been a member of the club for as long as I can remember. I have a young daughter who was born into the club, also. Excellent advice – thank you!

  • Jacinta R Hidajat

    Oh my…….you hit the nail on the head, that’s for sure!!! I am so declaring myself to also be a member of this club!! LOL…….. 😀

  • Alli Woods Frederick

    I read an article a few years ago on this very topic. I related to it SO much that I tore it out and still have it sitting about in some file folder somewhere. I even made my husband read it.

    We actually have a name…it’s considered a condition, but what isn’t these days?
    They have taken to calling us HSP’s (highly sensitive people…clever, no?) and they claim that our nervous systems are wired differently…but I think most of us already suspected as much.

    here’s the wiki page:

    Just curious but do any of you others find yourselves being empathic and/or being chronic overthinkers and highly verbal? Just curious…

    wonderful article, as always, Sophia.

  • JerrynMarybeth Hernandez

    (from MaryBeth)Absolutely Im a member and lets spice it up with some social anxiety as well. I find your post so comforting. Ive been called a “over sensitive bitch” and a title that hurt ALOT. I dont WANT to be overly sensitive but accept that I am. There are alot of positives to it though “Highly Sensitive People have wonderful imaginations, are very creative, curious, and are known for being very hard workers, great organizers and problem solvers. They are known for being extremely conscientious and meticulous. HSP are blessed with being exceptionally intuitive, caring, compassionate and spiritual. They are also blessed with an incredible aesthetic awareness and appreciation for nature, music and the arts.”

    • Sophie Del

      God! Am I a chronic overthinker? hell yeah, It´s like super awful, It get´s to a ponit where I can´t even stop! but whateva life goes on;)
      love the article Marissa!<3

  • Brandy Anderson

    I read recently that another thing to remember when you are an over-sensitive person is that not everything is about you – I’ve been trying this and it helps. Other people may be having a bad day or thinking about something else and to take things personally doesn’t help you and may not even be accurate!

  • Stephanie Assad

    Can I be a part of your club?

    (Be sensitive with your answer.)

    • Sophia Rossi

      of course!

  • Jordan Joy Lynn Wirrick

    I’m an HSP, it drives my boyfriend & family crazy so much so that they swear I need to be medicated! However, I strongly disagree & always defend my paper thin skin, it’s part of my charm, okay? Who doesn’t want a girlfriend who can be sent into an emotional breakdown when not complimented enough?(I only truthfully expect compliments from him approximately 3 times a week.) Or a daughter that doesn’t cry on the spot when you suggest she do some small thing in her life differently?

  • Olivia Linas

    This is DEFINITELY me when it comes to rape jokes. Rape jokes are never funny. EVER. And I am always amazed at the amount of people that think it’s okay to abuse the word. “Dude, you totally got raped by that maths class” or on tumblr”rape my ask box!” No. Just no.

  • Molly McAleer

    I applaud you for being so open about your version of sensitivity and would like to add that there are many of us who also suffer (and I deliberately use that word) from over sensitivity but internalize it and vocalize it on other ways. “My feelings are hurt” rarely comes out of my mouth, but I may cut off communication with someone or leave a used tampon in their mailbox to prove that same point.

    • Lauren Nespoli

      I was thinking that too! I almost never say, “That hurt my feelings” or anything like that; I’ll just keep it to myself and dwell on it for a while, which probably isn’t good. Maybe I should verbalize it more often. Or, follow your example, and get revenge with used tampons! 😉

  • Devita Yunianti Permatasari

    Couldn’t agree with you more! I’m definitely a member of this club! I take everything too personally.. I also often feel upset or down for something that doesn’t really matter at all. Great article, Sophia! :)

  • Ash Faye

    Sometimes I feel like you are my doppleganger in feelings/ism’s

  • Julia Gazdag

    The hardest thing I’ve had to say to a friend is “I totally understand how you feel, and it’s totally valid, but the other person is too so if you’re going to have feelings, don’t yell at other people and try to take theirs away.” But you know? It’s the truth. “Never ever expect a reaction or a cure from someone else, unless it’s a professional, because that’s their job” – is just so true I can’t even handle it. The great thing about sensitivity is that it builds such stronger, more communicative friendships!

  • Marianna Tabares

    Really appreciate this piece. I’m normally so hard on myself for being sensitive, but it feels good to know that I can feel allowed to hurt about a lot of stuff, no matter how small it seems.

  • Lauren Nespoli

    I can be oversensitive at times. Sometimes it’s my own fault for over-thinking things and then assuming what’s being said is worse than it actually is! I’m trying to work on not getting hurt so easily though. This was interesting to read!

  • Maria Jose Rojas

    what my mum calls Dramatic,I call it being Over Sensitive,thank you for putting this out in the world and I hope our club grows and grows (yes, I’m counting myself in)

    Great piece big sis

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