The Only Times When Screaming is Acceptable

  • When you are being murdered
  • When you are witnessing a murder
  • When someone shows up with a surprise pizza
  • When your jam comes on
  • During a game of tennis*
  • Christmas morning when you see that new bike under the tree
  • When sporting events get really intense**
  • After you win anything on the radio***
  • If you’re being kidnapped
  • Over loud music at a club****
  • When you are real mad*****
  • Sex, duh, but that’s kind of embarrassing******

*This is really just more of an advanced grunt that borders on a scream.

**Like, actually really intense. Like, you probably can’t scream until the second half of anything.

***Or when they play the song you requested.

****You don’t always have to scream. Sometimes talking closer to someone’s ear in a normal voice is more effective than screaming from six inches away. That’s why some people think I’m a close talker, I think. I mean, I am, but I also don’t want to scream a bunch.


******But not if you’re somewhere that losers can hear you or you’re gross or I know you and it will ruin me.

the times in which screaming is unacceptable:

  • In a movie theater unless it’s the early to mid 1900s and movies are still new for you
  • All other times

[This piece was originally published on MollsSheWrote and was edited for language.]

  • Maria Morley

    Lol, omg. Too funny.

  • Scarlet Carsen

    I’m not a big fan of a group of girls screaming at a club because the DJ starts playing “there jam” I get it, your excited but if your screaming louder then the music being played your defeating the purpose of hearing said song. Oh…and your hurting other people’s ear drums while there trying to dance.

  • Bianca Koolmees

    I hate when people spend all their time screaming at a concert and not actually listening ot the music because “oh my god the singer/cute bass player is standing right there…right there!!!” I would actually like to get my money’s worth and hear them perform their music. Also, I love kids.. ok I like kids but if they spend all day screaming whilst playing how am I supposed to know when they are screaming because something terrible is happening? Like for instance, a car crash/attempted abduction/alien invasion? I’m just going to be muttering to myself ‘I wish those stupid kids would play their games a little quieter because I am trying to watch TV/read a book/do something without the addition of a screaming backing track’ instead of rushing to their aid.

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