The Non-Flirt's Guide to FlirtingEliza Hurwitz

I can’t flirt. I don’t know how. I’m just not confident enough to pull it off. But after years of watching movies, television, reading magazines and as a direct result of my own unfortunate flirting attempts, I think I have gained some knowledge on the matter. You know what they say: those who can’t do, teach, so here are some flirting lessons I’ve picked up from television, movies, magazines and my own experiences for those who struggle like I do in the flirting arena.

Psych Yourself Out:

Before your flirting attempt, remind yourself of all the positive qualities you possess. For example, here are some things I could tell myself:

  • At least I don’t have braces.
  • I made it to over 5ft tall, which is the absolute best the doctors said I could do.
  • I don’t have a pimple…today.
  • At least I haven’t miraculously switched places with the president. That would be so incredibly stressful. Also, I haven’t switched places with any one else in a position of power or a high stress work environment. Also, be thankful I haven’t switched places with a baby or animal. All of these “switching places” scenarios would make flirting confusing and possibly even impossible.
  • My hair is pretty clean.
  • “I have a voice!” (said in the same tone and accent of King George in The King’s Speech)

After this psych out sesh, I feel completely ready to venture into the conversation world, with real people! Feel free to use any or all of these as you see fit.

It’s All in the Eyes:

Most television shows focus on fluttering your eyelashes to get attention, which is a great idea. This method is mostly limited to cartoons; it can be seen in Disney films like The Little Mermaid and Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. Therefore, it may be a challenge for an actual human person to recreate. I think the best way to mimic this bewitching and charming cartoon motion is to blink a lot for an extended period of time. This may cause the person you’re attempting to flirt with to ask if there is something wrong with your eyes. You can answer in one of two ways. First, you could coyly say, “The only thing wrong with my eyes is that you aren’t in them.” Meaning that the person should stand closer to you so their reflection could be seen in your eyes if you happened to be wearing sunglasses. The person might have to do some filling in the blanks, but if you say it in a suggestive enough way, they should easily understand.

The other way to respond is by saying there is something in your eyes, then BONUS! The person will get super close to your eyes, which just might be the point of flirting. I don’t really know; I’m not an expert, but I have gotten things stuck in my eyes many a time.

Use Your Hair and Your Phone:

Often on television or in films, you see the flirtee using his or her hair to garner attention and appear confident. You can run your fingers through your gorgeous locks or flip them back and forth wildly. I definitely recommend giving this a shot. I can’t do this because I have curly hair. If I attempt to run my fingers through it, my finger will either get stuck or my hair will turn into a giant poof ball. But I’ve mastered the ability to refrain from doing this so don’t you worry about me. I also recommend holding your phone as you show off your hair. I just think people holding phones look important. They add a business-savviness to your flirting. It also demonstrates your ability to multitask and hold onto something fragile. This will immediately get the person thinking, “Wow, this person can really hold onto a phone. They must be able to hold onto a relationship, which is similar to a phone in that it is fragile and must be handled delicately.”

Flaunt Your Best Quality:

One tip from Cosmopolitan magazine said, “Show him your sexy midsection and ask if you should get your belly button pierced. Or draw his attention to your leg or shoulder and find out what he thinks about your getting a tiny tattoo there.” Although I don’t recommend being so forthright and bold, I believe the point of this is to accentuate and highlight your best quality. For me, I have the perfect pointer finger, only on my left hand. It is not too long, not too short, it has a good nail on it and it has smooth skin. So in keeping with Cosmo’s tip, I could go up to a guy and ask if I should get a tattoo on my finger. If tattoos aren’t your thing you can always accentuate your best quality by pointing it out multiple times during the conversation, either physically or verbally. For example, I would say such things as, “Check out this perfect pointer” or “Take a look at this irresistible index finger” or I would just point to a lot of different things. Believe me, no one will get tired or annoyed of hearing you talk about yourself in such a self-absorbed way, they will be too busy admiring your confidence.

Talk With Your Hands:

Someone wise once said, “Your hands are the portals to your soul.” That wise person was me. I said it in my head because most of my friends would never ask me or want my flirting advice. What I mean by this is: by gesturing with your hands frequently during conversation, you are showing the person that your heart, just like your hands, is open and expressive. You will want most of your gestures to resemble the shape and fluttering of your heart. If for some reason making your hands into a heart shape is a challenge for you, you can also use your hands to gesture pulling the person into your heart. So, at some point of the conversations, find a way to pretend you are pulling a rope directly into your heart. This will again demonstrate your rare and unique ability to love while also displaying some amazing mime skills.

Talking with your hands is also helpful for me because of my perfect finger. I can really accentuate that pointer through graceful hand gestures and I suggest you try this too. You will appear graceful and artistic.

Comfort is Key:

I think the main thing to remember when flirting is that you should only do what you are comfortable doing and you should always remain true to who you are. Flirting is about taking risks, having fun, and showing off that perfect pointer finger of yours!

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  1. question: how do i do the opposite? what’s the flirt’s guide to non-flirting? or the non-flirt’s guide to non-flirting? now that’s a guide i could use.

  2. “I have a voice!” (said in the same tone and accent of King George in The King’s Speech)—hysterical. love this post