What is one of everyone’s favorite things in movies and in real life? Makeovers.
When someone you like but who looks totally like a dumposaurus finally realizes it and classes it up, it makes you happy. Or even if someone you don’t like gets a makeover and maybe they used to look okay but then they get bangs and you notice how fat their face is, it makes you happy.
Plus, makeovers are a sign that all is right with the world and we have the magical time to dwell on our appearances and physical expressions. Try to find a dumptastic person to makeover (it might be you!), make them over and then just DANCE.
Dance until your feet bleed and the streets run stinky with sweat.
But sometimes movies just don’t get it. Yes, everyone is obviously clamoring for a makeover scene, nay, a montage! But sometimes it’s just so unnecessary. You’re already starting out with a gorgeous, perfect actor and then it’s decided they need a makeover. Who decides these things? Who is seeing these people as frumps? I love a makeover scene as much as the next sassy American, but Audrey Hepburn gets not one, or even two, but three makeovers in different movies. Possibly more!
I’m not sure because my brain exploded at the thought of someone thinking she needed a makeover. I understand she also transforms her personality in addition to looks, but that’s a whole other can of worms entirely. Let’s stick to the basics – face and body basics. As these are the building blocks of any makeover. So, unnecessary movie makeovers, we examine you:
Going from frump in a dump to regulation hottie in one easy costume change!
Audrey Hepburn goes from a supposed total frump who can’t sing at all to a glamourous woman of the world who can’t sing at all. The problem was that Audrey was never not adorable in that film. Nobody notices her because she’s wearing some tweed jumper that’s basically already fashionable. But she’s made over, because she has to be. Because if there’s one thing everybody loves it’s seeing beautiful people get made over to be more beautiful. And then what’s better than seeing those made over people take to the dancefloor with fairly mediocre skill? NOTHING. That’s what’s better. Nothing.
Ew. Look how ugly Audrey is sitting in this tree. So gross. Nobody could ever see her as a romantic possibility. She’s like a sloth who’s been shaved and grotesquely dressed in another unpleasantly patterned jumper. Seriously. Someone in Hollywood thought this chick looked like nobody would notice her until she got a makeover. Like this.
Phew! Thank god. Now I can look at her without wanting to totally vom. I guess that someone in Hollywood was right! Put her in a ballgown and pixie cut that hair and blammo! Gentlemen City, USA! Such a vast difference. It’s like she was transformed from a swan into an even bigger swan with a shorter hair cut. God bless Paris.
Yikes and a half. She looks like a bedraggled female member of the Fagin’s gang from Oliver! She looks far too darling and much too pleased with herself and comfortable with who she is. She needs to be put in her place or she’ll never find a husband or sing a lover-ly song that’s not about wanting to stuff her face with chocolate and have hot feet.
That’s better. Wash that face, spangle that body, and coif that hair. Coif it! And blammo: Gentlemen City, UK! She’s fundamentally changed everything about herself and she looks fabulous. Brava! Another stunning transformation from beautiful flower girl to stunning embassy ball-attender.
Can’t we all just leave Audrey alone? Must she be made over again and again?! So unnecessary.