Champagne Problems

The Misadventures of a Tomboy

I don’t recollect my first memory as a tomboy or where exactly my thirst for danger began. All I know is that today I still have an urge to be a hired assassin that appreciates fashion and somewhere in between then and now I adapted the mentality that “I can do anything you can do, super-better, for sure, like, totally (don’t tell my mom).” You follow?

Looking back, it was the dorkiest stage in my life. I sported over-sized glasses, a retainer I constructed out of paperclips, an uneven bowl cut ( I swore I saw in Teen Beat) and I accepted any challenge a boy would throw at me. “Eat this snail I found on the sidewalk.”  “Gladly. If you find another one, I’ll eat two. Then I’ll vomit into a bucket and drink it”  (That last part’s not true).

What was I doing then? Why was I doing it? Was this a phase, a cry for help? Or was I just a ballsy little girl unknowingly shaping herself into the spit-fire she is today? (I’ll take the last one.) I was the brat who wore shorts under her skirt so I could climb trees (rebel). I carried my own baseball bat in case a game broke out (weirdo), and learned a biting vocabulary just in case my muscles were a part of my infamous “late bloomer stage” and I needed to rely on my wit to defend myself (big weirdo).

Each tomboy experience has played a part in the grown up me. It all has naturally evolved into a more mature state, I would hope (escargot, please), but I have my moments. The memories were buried so deep into my subconscious that not until recently did I put together that all that boyish-ness made me the badass that I am today. The badass that cries at almost every episode of Sex and the City, of course. So let’s take a walk through my past and see where it got me, shall we?

Tomboy then: Started a contained fire in a church parking lot days after watching Dances with Wolves.

Tomboy now: Lights candles for the wolf-looking guy she met when trying to outsmart a parking attendant on a Sunday (which is the day people go to church).


JC Coccoli is a Comedian, Actress and Writer who reps Pittsburgh, PA via Downtown LA.

Twitter time: @JCcoccoli or stalk her website:



Tomboy image via Wikipedia

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