The Lazy Person's Guide to Lazy Inventions

Last week I was watching The Today Show and I saw a story about someone who invented a bed that makes itself. At first I was like, wow that’s a pretty lazy invention. People should just be able to make their own beds. But then I realized I have some inventions of my own, with a target market of, you guessed it, for lazy people.

The La-Z Boy Bike:

This bike will not only have an extremely comfortable chair, but it will also be extremely easy to pedal. In fact, you won’t have to pedal at all, because it’s motorized and pedals itself. It will feel like you are gliding through clouds.

Swift Sweeper:

A broom that automatically attracts dust and dirt, all you have to do is sit comfortable while holding it, press a button and boom, your floor is spotless.

The Magic Dishwasher:

A dishwasher that will float your dishes and silverware into the correct places in drawers and cupboards once they’re clean and dry. Not only will this be convenient, it will be beautiful to watch, because the dishwasher will play a song and will make the dishes spin through the air gracefully and will make the silverware play a simple beat on the dishes, like they did in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.

The Magic Washing Machine and Dryer:

This is almost identical to the magic dishwasher but with your laundry. All you have to do is put your clothes into the washing machine and press a button. The machine will transfer your clothes into the dryer and then, once dry, fold them and put them in the correct drawers and closet. An added feature that would come in very handy for me personally is it will also let you know if you accidentally left gum in your pocket, it will then kindly remove said gum and it won’t make you feel stupid about it, either. It will be totally non-judgmental, and say “hey I know you’re having a busy and stressful day, but you left a piece of gum in here. I’ll take it out.” It will then clean off the gum, leaving no soapy residue, restoring it to its pre-wash freshness.

Magic Hairspray:

A hairspray that will make hair look flawless, exactly how you imagine your perfect hair on that day. It will be called, “Hair Day Hooray!” The chemicals used in the spray will be all natural. They won’t harm the environment or your hair. In fact, it will make your hair healthier and stronger. It will also make you desirable to every human being with whom you come in contact. The bottle will come with a large warning label telling you that people will be drawn to you. So beware!

Magic Meal Pill:

This is a pill to which you simply add water to and it will turn into whatever meal you are craving at the particular moment. All meals will use fresh and local ingredients. The pill will also motivate you to eat healthfully by offering words of encouragement when you choose a healthy meal. Alternatively when you choose an unhealthy treat the pill will understand that you’ve had  a rough day and will again offer words of encouragement and support.

Animal Interpreter:

A remote control you can use to have the ability to understand animals of your choosing. This is for people who want to be able communicate with animals but don’t want it to turn into a crazy Dr. Doolittle situation. You can talk to animals freely and you won’t have to be taken by scientists in order for your magic power to be understood. You can ask your dog why he’s barking. You can ask a squirrel if it has rabies, that way you know not to get too close to it. You can even ask a bird to quiet down if it’s singing too loudly in the morning.

Good Voice Generator:

This is also a remote control device, but it allows you to turn your regular singing voice into one on par with Beyonce. You can’t use it all the time and you can’t use it for television singing competitions, because I feel like that would be cheating and untruthful. This would be a good device to have at a karaoke bar when trying to impress a date.

Spill Picker Upper:

A long stick that when you point it at a spill from a distance of up to fifty feet and press the button located at the top of the stick, can clean up the spill completely, no matter what the spill is.

Spill Remover:

A smaller stick that does essentially the same thing as the spill picker upper, but is to be used on your clothing.

Spill Proof Cup:

A sippy cup for adults. The part that makes the cup a sippy cup, the top of the cup, is invisible. So you appear completely adult and normal while preventing spills.

As you can see, some of these inventions involve the use of magic so I’m not sure if or how they would work logistically. But, if anyone is crafty, creative, or magic, let me know! And give me credit. I have patented every item in this article and I know a good copyright lawyer.

Featured image via.

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