The Husband Hunt


I feel I might meet my husband somewhere on the Internet. My best friend assures me that one of the best ways to meet a guy is if he’s a friend of a friend, or is in some way related to people I know so that I can execute swift background checks from reliable sources.

The husband hunt has been a little discouraging, particularly thanks to the messages I receive from the dating site I’ve most recently used. I’ve been solicited with enticing offers such as:

“Get at me, girl.” (And his phone number)

“Hi cutie.” (And nothing more)

“You really don’t look 29. :p”


Those are the pleasant responses, the ones I can handle without feeling batty.

Then, these gems hit my inbox:

“Sorry, I’ve run out of clever things to say. I just love your shot pouring style.”

He’s referring to my profile picture in which I’m serving a bit of rum into a glass, but I’m confused. Where and when did he run out of jokes that he felt he needed to apologize as a way to begin his message?

Then he wrote, “What can I do to hold your attention? Besides be a little more attractive?”

Some self confidence would be pretty good. We’re total strangers, why sound so needy?

Other messages have included vivid descriptions of nonstop eating at buffet style restaurants and immediate invitations to go on hikes. I learned the phrase Stranger Danger a couple of years ago and it is now my official alarm whenever I get offers to meet guys near wooded areas. My mom didn’t make THAT many mistakes when she raised me, shoot.

I’m not discouraged yet. There are some great guys out there and I’ve gotten really good at not taking it so hard when things just don’t work out with whatever man I date. I know too many young women who get so down on themselves after a first date, and I feel they need to understand that the whole sordid process involves a lot of trial and error. Even if you go on ten dates, it’s still not a guarantee that you should stick with that one guy just because he’s providing some moderately satisfying amount of attention.

The online dating situation may be a little bleak right now, but I have to admit that when I get the really off the wall messages, I’m at least mildly entertained and under no obligation to respond. The more I make it clear that the choice is up to me, the less room there is for undeserved feelings of rejection.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must review my profile to find out why I’m attracting winners of food eating contests.

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Marianna tweets here and embarrasses herself on tumblr here. She is author of The Reddy House and is Content Editor at