The Husband HuntMarianna Tabares

PhotoCredit: www.inkingrey.com

I feel I might meet my husband somewhere on the Internet. My best friend assures me that one of the best ways to meet a guy is if he’s a friend of a friend, or is in some way related to people I know so that I can execute swift background checks from reliable sources.

The husband hunt has been a little discouraging, particularly thanks to the messages I receive from the dating site I’ve most recently used. I’ve been solicited with enticing offers such as:

“Get at me, girl.” (And his phone number)

“Hi cutie.” (And nothing more)

“You really don’t look 29. :p”

“:))))”

Those are the pleasant responses, the ones I can handle without feeling batty.

Then, these gems hit my inbox:

“Sorry, I’ve run out of clever things to say. I just love your shot pouring style.”

He’s referring to my profile picture in which I’m serving a bit of rum into a glass, but I’m confused. Where and when did he run out of jokes that he felt he needed to apologize as a way to begin his message?

Then he wrote, “What can I do to hold your attention? Besides be a little more attractive?”

Some self confidence would be pretty good. We’re total strangers, why sound so needy?

Other messages have included vivid descriptions of nonstop eating at buffet style restaurants and immediate invitations to go on hikes. I learned the phrase Stranger Danger a couple of years ago and it is now my official alarm whenever I get offers to meet guys near wooded areas. My mom didn’t make THAT many mistakes when she raised me, shoot.

I’m not discouraged yet. There are some great guys out there and I’ve gotten really good at not taking it so hard when things just don’t work out with whatever man I date. I know too many young women who get so down on themselves after a first date, and I feel they need to understand that the whole sordid process involves a lot of trial and error. Even if you go on ten dates, it’s still not a guarantee that you should stick with that one guy just because he’s providing some moderately satisfying amount of attention.

The online dating situation may be a little bleak right now, but I have to admit that when I get the really off the wall messages, I’m at least mildly entertained and under no obligation to respond. The more I make it clear that the choice is up to me, the less room there is for undeserved feelings of rejection.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must review my profile to find out why I’m attracting winners of food eating contests.

Image Via InkGrey.com

 

Marianna tweets here and embarrasses herself on tumblr here. She is author of The Reddy House and is Content Editor at HelloGiggles.com.

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  10. I actually met my now husband on Match.com! We met 5 years ago last March and have been married since September of 09! I never really got too serious with Match.com, in fact I had only spoken to a handfull of guys, then one random day I was sent the email of my matches and lo and behold, I saw his adorable face and just HAD to send him a “wink”! The rest is history! :-)

  11. I’ve had mixed experiences, the messages are always funny since guys get such passive aggressive balls. “I go to Harvard law school and I’m moving back to LA when I graduate in 5 months, so I just want something casual with you” Then there are the countless dirtbags without Harvard leverage propositioning no strings deals….they treat it like a fuck buddy shopping mall for free versions of escorts

  12. Because the best way to meet a guy totally is if he’s a friend of a friend, or is in some way related to people I know, my super-smart friend Kelsey just launched cliqueinnyc.com! It is basically an online dating site, but you are only connected to friends of friends, so you can ask your reliable sources for background deets before you go out on a date.

  13. Oh, and yes, one day I would like a husband, wether its legal or not. Because marriage to me, has nothing to do with my state, or God. Just me and the husband I had to hunt down.

  14. I think this is amazing, and I’m a gay man. She’s honest and truthful. I feel the same exact way when it comes to meeting guys. Everything from the messages received, to the Stranger Danger. People need to stop taking things literally, and take the article for what it is, hilarious.

  15. Random, but what online dating sites are you on? I’ve joined OkCupid, cause it’s free and really, it was because I liked the quizzes (lame, I know). But I have yet to even write a profile, so every time I login, it says I have 65% of my profile complete. I really liked your post, Marianna! It provided many giggles and was encouraging as well :) You are awesome!

    • That would be the site, my friend. And the gems keep coming in. To be fair, not all the guys are so bad at writing messages. I did have some great interactions with another guy, but they fizzled out because he never asked me out and I could sense his emotional unavailability after a while. NEXT!
      PS I know I could have asked him out as well, but chose not to when I realized we were not emotionally compatible. :)

  16. Well, I never thought people could fit into boxes, much less those used by online dating websites! I’ve done something a bit different and created a blog to try and find my soulmate, a search that is geographically-challenged in my case (I live on a tiny island in the middle of the Atlantic). Initially aimed at creating authentic connections, it has now morphed into a place where I systematically try and debunk the regional cult of appearances, which – as you can guess – is one of the things that makes it nigh on impossible for a foreigner to engage in any kind of meaningful romantic relationship here. Drop by if you have an idle moment: http://theidealwifegiveaway.blogspot.com/

  17. I enjoyed this post Marianna. I’m having a lot of the same experiences with online dating, so it’s good to know others are in the same boat – and get a giggle from it as well. Best of luck to you!

  18. Your response is much appreciated, Marianna, and I truly empathize with the loss of your teaching position. I think between the phrase “husband hunting” and the touting that *girls actually run the world* from the Beyonce post on the main page, it just kind of made me disillusioned with the site. I do think this site has the ability to delve into serious topics with humor, as a lot of blogs, and vlogs have done (see http://www.youtube.com/user/NineteenPercent for a good example). Anyway, I’ll keep checking back, and I hope to see some poignant, funny stuff.

    • Thanks Amber! I’ll check out that link when I get home from work (they block youtube and twitter and all the fun stuff here at work). And definitely if you have articles you’d like to share that I might later refer to in future pieces, you can send things to my email, marianna.tabares@gmail.com as I’m always looking to learn something new. Between working and running the show at home, it’s so easy to lose touch with the bigger stuff happening in the world.

      Marianna | 5/27/2011 11:05 am
  19. Well, this is just a first post, and it’s really not that serious, just a light piece of writing. There are a lot of things I’d love to share about that are empowering that don’t solely focus on self-esteem (like, “finding a man” which is actually not that important or being concerned over my outward appearance) but I’m not quite sure how to present it with a tone that is both serious yet…funny? I would very much like to keep things humorous, but it’s a little hard when the issue itself requires some powerful wording.

    For example, having lost my career as a teacher because I was treated differently from older, male teachers. I really feel they gave my needs far less importance just because I was a 28 year old female.

    Amber, there is a lot to talk about that could really help a lot of women gain insights that they may not easily find anywhere else, and with the attention this site has drawn, it’s a great vehicle for sharing that useful information. We’ve only been up for two days, so there is plenty of room to get that sort of discussion going. Please do not hesitate to point my attention to topics that come to mind that you think we could really give voice to.

    Thanks so much for commenting, Amber and everyone.

    Marianna | 5/27/2011 10:05 am
  20. Husband hunt? Really? Why do liberal people continue to propagate the religious construct of marriage as a societal norm? Especially considering our same sex couple friends don’t even have the ability to buy into it, if they so choose.

    • Whoah. This is a heavy comment. For one, who said anything about being liberal? And who’s to say that all liberal minded people should have the same view on what marriage is? Who decided that marriage is a purely patriarchal and oppressive institution? That’s so presumptuous. That just boils feminism down to sex and we’re back at square one, where women are nothing more than a walking uterus. As for marriage, while same-sex couples should have every right to it, I see this article as unrelated.

      It’s a girl sharing her experience of something that is relevant in her life right now that many others can relate to. And giving useful advice on how not to get hacked to bits on a hiking trail.

      If anything about this is anti-feminist, it’s seeing one woman trying to tear another down just for speaking her truth.

    • Regardless if this is an inside joke or not, this is what a lot of women face. There are still women out there that want to get married and find love in the traditional sense. Presenting it in a witty manner allows other women to see the humor in dating. Perhaps this piece doesn’t apply to you but it does to others and writing it off as a “the faux-girl power of mid-nineties” is sort of unfair.

    • I guess because life doesn’t stop being life because someone wanted to write an article with a title based on an inside joke, and alliteration?
      I guess I had hoped that this site might put a little more emphasis on truly empowering things, and not just a resurgence of the faux-girl power of mid-nineties

    • Why does this need to turn into a political issue? The message in the article was loud and clear, it’s about finding love and the trials and tribulations of the dating world.

    • Ah. Well Molls and Ed joke a lot on twitter about finding “husbands” but they’re not truly out there looking for some guy to marry. that’s sort of the joke here, based on how the online dating scene is rather bleak and there aren’t many opportunities lately for connecting with a potential long term boyfriend/partner/whatever.

      Also, it’s just alliteration. Husband Hunt. Hunt him down. Slay him.

      Marianna | 5/27/2011 10:05 am