The Disney Prince-OffVanessa King

Okay, people.  In March, we found ourselves deep in the throngs of some sort of basketball tournament that I should probably know more about but don’t, so I thought what better way to show my support for gorgeous, tall and athletic boyfriend-material than to do my own bracket of something I know more about: Disney.

And thus, I bring to you:

The Disney Prince Playoff Bracket

First, the rules:

1) This completely subjective and judgmental tournament is based purely on my many years watching Disney movies and thus, me basically considering myself an expert on the topic.  Yes, some people are experts on Politics.  Others, on Financial Systems.  Me, on Disney animated cartoons.

2) What makes a Prince?  Well, to abide by the Disney “standards”, a Prince is considered a Prince if he is matched with one of their ten Princesses.  For real, those are the rules.  But I don’t like those rules, so I’m making my own.  A prince is a prince if I say so.

3) Maybe you don’t agree.  You don’t have to agree.  I’m not asking you to agree.  Agreement with me isn’t mandatory, it just makes me want to invite you to my karaoke birthday party in April in NYC-details-to-follow-if-you-agree-with-me-just-kidding.  Sort of.  No, for real, only kind of.

The Bracket

Round One

Prince Philip vs. The Beast

It’s not even really a fair battle.  Let’s be honest, sure Prince Philip is a wishy-washy, manipulative boyfriend, and sure he’d never have been able to rescue Princess Aurora without the Winged Golden Girls Fairies helping him out, but at least he doesn’t keep his girlfriend locked up in a dungeon.  Beast, dude, you’re totally cute and I get that you’re misunderstood but you seriously have to work on that anger problem.

Aladdin vs. Hercules

Okay, granted Aladdin stole to survive due to an imbalanced class system but regardless, it’s going to be super-hard to convince your parents that a wanted fugitive is good boyfriend material.  Believe me, they won’t care about his magic carpet.  Hercules for the win.  That contest was over before it started.

Captain John Smith vs. Prince Eric

Now, as you all know, I love me some Ariel, but let’s get real.  That girl’s choice in men is a bit “meh”.  Granted, he was concussed, but Prince Eric is, by a landslide, the most superficial prince in the pack.  Sure, Captain John Smith initially may have been a bit of a jerk – but at least he respected his girlfriend for who she was, not what he wanted her to be.  Ahem, Prince Eric.  Ahem.

Captain Li Shang vs. Simba The Lion

My friend Julia convinced me that Simba should be considered in the Prince-off.  It took a lot of convincing and at least one glass of pinot grigio, but Simba, be happy Julia had your back because boy, you won this round.  Though Li Shang eventually admitted Mulan was da bomb, his whole macho attitude early on basically set up his potential boyfriend test failure.  …Plus, Simba married his friend-zoned girl. *bonus points to Simba*

Round Two

Hercules vs. Prince Philip

On one hand, we’ve got a Greek God who goes the distance and travels to the depths of the earth to fight for justice, equality and his true love.  On the other hand we’ve got a prince who only made it through to this round because his competition manifested his anger in the form of shouting and oppressive, abusive behavior.  Just like in basketball, sometimes you find yourself out of your league.  Sorry, Prince Philip.  This round’s going to Herc.

Captain John Smith vs. Simba The Lion

This was a tough one.  In the Disney version, John Smith forsakes just about everything to be with Pocahontas.  He basically quits his job and relocates across the world just so they can be together.  That’s pretty awesome potential boyfriend material.  No LDRs for this couple.  And then there’s Simba.   An outcast who struggled to find himself and his place in society.  A Prince who stepped up to the plate when it was time to defend the pride he loved against his really bitter uncle.  A devoted lion who married his childhood sweetheart.  Beyond him risking life and limb (and tail) for his girlfriend, he fought for what he believed in.  Plus, you know he loved to cuddle.

The Results

After much deliberation, I’ve decided to crown Simba aka The Lion King aka Once-A-Prince Simba the winner of The Disney Prince-Off.

Okay, so he’s a lion.  But he’s got great hair, he’s smart, devoted, he’s absolutely adorable, makes Nala laugh, is great dad-material, has awesome friends and he’s a rockstar singer who can serenade his girlfriend with Can You Feel The Love Tonight?

Sure, sure, he’s technically a Lion King, but like I said…

A prince is a prince if I say so.

images via fanpop and lionkingwikia

comments

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  1. This kinda absolutely made my day. Thank you.

  2. WIN. Double points go to Jonathan Taylor-Thomas for playing the beloved role.

  3. I’m kind of disappointed it wasn’t a public poll. It would have been great.

  4. Yes! Simba won! 8D I know he’s a lion, but come on. You never really get to see much of the other princes except Hercules and John Smith (but both of them were annoying). Not much of a contest for me. :)

  5. Aw. I have to say I disagree with a lot of these matches. Granted, I’m biased. Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie ever…

  6. You forgot to mention that Simba is voiced by Matthew Broderick a.k.a Ferris Bueller

  7. Simba is great and deserves it, but if he weren’t in the prince-off (being a lion and all) i’d have gone with prince Philip .. because of..ehem..reasons.

  8. Love this. Although Prince Philip wasn’t a complete wish-wash prince. He did fight that Dragon. Kudos for that.

  9. Awesome drawings from the awesome David Kawena!
    Simba is great, but kinda have a thing for Aladdin! ;)

  10. I loved this! Ha. Simba deserves the title :)
    But, Ariel already wanted to be a human before she met Eric, so she didn’t just change for him. Don’t know why, I’d much rather be a mermaid.

  11. Glad I am not the only one who had a problem with Ariel changing who she was for a guy! While I love Simba, and my true loyalties lie with the Beast, I would’ve had to go with Aladdin on this one. Talk, dark, and handsome AND he treats his princess as an equal. Sigh…poor Aladdin.

  12. My I ask where you found those most awesome of awesome pictures of the princes?

    • The artist is David Kawena (and man is he one he’ll of an artist!!). I’ve been following his work for some time now – you can find him here -> davidkawena.deviantart.com/

    • i found them on fanpop (the link beneath the entry will take you to the site), but I believe they originated on deviantArt? btw, the full sized versions are bordering NSFW. :)

  13. OWnderfully hilarious and love the art. deviantArt, right? SO much more appealing full body. ^_^

  14. Reading this point has been the bright spot in my otherwise crappy day. Thank you. I’ve got to say, I’m a little sad Peter Pan and Flynn Rider weren’t included though. I kind of think I need to have my own Disney prince off now…

  15. “A prince is a prince if I say so.” Love. Love. Love.

  16. Kid me had such huge crushes on Aladdin and Simba. Yep, I had a crush on an animated lion. :D

  17. aww i was hoping we’d actually get to vote on something. those drawings are awesome though!

  18. aladdin. always. Aladdin.

  19. Aladdin is my favourite; I also like the beast, but before it turns into a prince again.

  20. This is BRILLIANCE! Once I read the rules, I had to know the winner! You’re hilarious!

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