I spend a lot of time with my two year old niece Valentina. Some call it an obsession, and to that I respond by calling those people fat. They started it. Anyway, me and V are really into each other. To be fair, she’s into a lot of people, mainly anyone who will give her chocolate, but I’m not into a lot of people, I have several complaints about the people around me. I guess when it comes down to it, there are things that Valentina could work on too. She definitely lies a lot, like when she says she only needs to watch one video to be happy, but then makes me show her several others or else she will throw her head against the couch. Also, she’s a major tattle tale. Like, what part of “Don’t tell mommy you fell off the table while I was on Instagram.” do you not understand? Regardless, I think I love her more than I’m going to love my own kids. Sorry unborn children, the thought of you bores me in comparison. Walk around the house naked with a pair of red rain boots on and maybe you’ll peak my interest. Did that come across creepy? I’m willing to take the risk.
So, my sister hired this sweet retired man who we call Builder Rick, to build Valentina a playhouse in the back yard. He comes every morning with a packed lunch and V watches as he nails the walls in, and turns a bunch of wood into a little house. She looks out and says, “Poopoo Jeff is making my house!” She won’t call him Builder Rick, she will only call him “Poopoo Jeff”. And she laughs every time she says it, like poop jokes aren’t completely dated and tired.
Saturday morning when I woke up at my sister’s house (my apartment is so lonely on the weekends!) I took my coffee and sat outside with Valentina to watch Builder Rick do his thing. He saw how natural I was with her. How effortless being a mother will be for me. How patient and loving I am to this little growing weird person. He said, “How many kids do you have?” Okay, that is NO WAY to start a conversation with a girl who is used to being asked if she is Taylor Swift. He thought I looked like I could have SEVERAL children? I said, “Oh, I don’t have any kids yet.” He looked at me with genuine compassion. “Well… that’s okay. People are having kids later and later these days.” Okay, Poopoo Jeff, I am not having kids LATER in life. I am right on target with my goals. I JUST turned thirty (seven months ago) (Fact added by editor to maintain accuracy on our site) and if I were to have a baby right now I would feel like a YOUNG ass mom. In fairness to Builder Rick, he saw me very early in the morning. That’s the only excuse I can come up with.
But truthfully, here’s what I think. I was born to be a mom. I know that. But also, when I was eight I thought I was born to be a cashier because I loved pushing buttons that made cool sounds. Turns out I’m terrible at math, so there went that dream. And when I was fourteen I thought I was born to be a poet, and now when I remember that my old poems are sitting in a stack in my hall closet it makes my throat tighten because I know how terrible they are. Most of my “no negotiating, this is what I want and I’m SURE” decisions have been ridiculous. Like, I decided to die my hair red for six years. Six years! I thought it looked so good! Upon reflection, it did not.
When I was twenty-seven I thought I was ready to be a mom, and then this week I feel like I’m not ready. I’d like to be a little more sure about it when I make that decision. And maybe the decision decides me. Like, I’m just going to be straight with you guys, I’ve never gotten pregnant. I’ve never even had a scare. Like, I haven’t even almost been a mom yet. And I really don’t know what I would do if it happened. Because I don’t think I could not go through with it at this point in my life. But I also really like being skinny. It’s such a tough decision. I really hope that guys who are considering going on a date with me read this first! It’ll just help us get past that standard, normal first date convo where he’s like, “Would you get an abortion now that you’re thirty?” and I’m all like, “Let’s have sex and find out!”
great Erin, very interesting to read. I love it girl.
Oh my, you are on point, Erin. Can’t believe all of this is going through someone else’s head, too. Neat!
That was so right out of my head…. Except I don’t have a builder Rick.
Side note, what does one bring for lunch when building a playhouse, and, how long does building a playhouse actually take?
This is such a cute post, thank you for this
Great article! It’s voiced a lot of concerns I’ve had rambling through my own brain in the last year.
I turn 30 in July- my husband and I have been married two years, together for six. We both have decent jobs and for all intents and purposes are ready to start our family… except, we’re not. We only recently decided that we might want to have kids at some point in the future. I go through moments where it sounds like a great idea to utter panic at the thought of caring for a little person that could either grow to be a wonderful adult or a homicidal maniac.
Having a kid is a lifetime decision that I think many young women fail to recognize because of shows like “16 and pregnant” and “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnang”. You can’t put them back, return them for a new/better model or trade them in. Right now, I know I’m too dang selfish to have one and that may never change. My husband understands that and feel the same way, so at least we’re on the same page.
That doesn’t mean I don’t feel that pang of anxiety though when I think “but what if 10 years from now we don’t have one and I’m ready for one?” Perhaps adoption. There’s nothing at all wrong with adoption!
This post has made my week
Thanks so much!
This is amazing. And your blog is hilarious. Totally agreed everything said, even though I’m not quite 30 (26 this month soooo I’m getting close). And I totally took good with my fake red hair!
Great post, but since when was ‘would you get an abortion now you’re thirty’ standard first date patter!? I’ve dated lots of horrors but have never heard anything remotely like this, how rude!
I’m 33 well actually will be 34 in 19 days. I’ve been happily married to my husband since I was 20 (we started dating when I was 18). For over 13 years I’ve been asked ‘when you going to have children?’. We have both always wanted kids but wanted to wait and focus on school & career and have freedom to do things that having kids make harder to do. I’m glad we took this time. I think marriage is stronger for it. However now that I’m turning 34 I feel that biological clock breathing down my neck. Panic is starting to set in and feel baby needs to come now so I’m not 60 when kid graduates high school. Also our parents are in 60s and mid 70s and have been (sorta) patiently waiting for their first grandkid. So much pressure yet I enjoy my life without the responsibilities of children but I still yearn for a little baby.
I’m leaving it up to the higher powers that be for now. We will celebrate if it happens and for now if nothing happens enjoy our life as it is.
Bahahahaha! “Also, I’ve gotten Valentina to call me mom before and I feel like that’s enough for me right now.”
I loved this post.
Everything you write is hilarious. <3
This was pretty introspective for me because I keep asking myself the same thing, am I supposed to be worried about this? It’s like that guy who asked Jennifer Lawrence after she won her Oscar if she is worried that she will peak too soon in her career and she just had this horrified look on her face and said “Well now I am!”
I am fine with my single life at the moment and content to marathon some SVU marathons, play Mommy to my best friends kid and my nephew when I feel like it, and generally just do whatever I please until someone reminds me that I’m turning 30 in July and gives me “that look” like, get your shit together and pop out some babies before its too late and your ovaries dry up because you are going to be an old spinster with cobwebs between your legs and 400 cats if you don’t get on the ball. And well, I really hate cats… and spiders for that mater, so the idea of this disturbs me.
Can’t we all just be happy and not judge other peoples lives and let things happen on their own timeline? Who decided this timeline anyways? If the Mayans screwed up their calendar, then maybe this one is off too.
I’m 28 and I have a dog. That’s enough for me.
When my grandmother was 28, she’d already been widowed and remarried, had five kids to raise, dozens of horses to care for, a giant house to manage and about a million acres of land to run. Two generations later, and I don’t even shovel the snow from my own front steps. That’s what supers are for.
We are so lucky to live now.
Also, I vote “no” on Builder Rick, if only because every time you looked at him you’d be thinking “Poopoo Jeff. I am hooking up with POOPOO JEFF.”
I LOVE your comment. lol hahaha You’re right that we’re so lucky to live in this time now. Truly. Not everything is perfect but we have more options than just getting married, pregnant, and staying at home. If we want to do that, we certainly can which is great but we can also choose to be 27 (which is what I am) and working and our only dependents are pets. lol (I have two cats who I spoil so much! lol)
Great post Erin, I think we don’t need to worry-we are living the life we are living and that’s ok. We are blessed and can be happy if we choose to be WHEREVER life takes us!
Plus nieces are better than our own children cause we can have them or not have them whenever we want. #auntielifeforthewin lol hahaha
Erin, I love your posts. Thank you for sharing