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I was born with very curly hair, very curly hair. As a kid it was cute. My mom had a blast combing my hair into pigtails and twirling my hair so that I ended up with two giant curls on each side of my head (think a Mexican version of Cindy Brady). I always hated my curls. I thought it was unfair that my mom had to put lemon (yes, lemon) in my hair to control the frizz and that I always had to wear my hair up.
It wasn’t until I started high school that I began to take a good look at my hair. The feeling was stronger than ever, I hated my hair. At the time, “The Rachel” was really in and I was walking around looking like Dee Snider caught in a windstorm. So I did what any impulsive fourteen-year-old would do, I decided cut it all off. I wanted to go from having my hair a few inches above my waist to chin length hair. Convinced it would be easier to manage, I sucked it up and cut it all off, went home and cried in the privacy of my own room. I assured myself this was the biggest mistake I had ever made in my life (little did I know that I would make much larger and idiotic mistakes later on) and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I went from looking like Dee Snider to Kramer from Seinfeld.
After much experimenting, I began to blow dry my hair (this was before the flat iron revolution) and I managed to style my hair into a puffy bob, much like a 1980’s news anchor. My new hair had been out of style for ten years before it ever made it to my head. I resigned myself to having mediocre hair for the rest of my life. When I got a flat iron years later, things looked up but with all of the hair I have and intensity of my curls, it was a lot of work. I ended up wearing my hair up once again, and that’s just the way it was going to be forever.
About a year ago, I stepped on my very reliable and fancy flat iron and broke it in two. I was broke at the time so I couldn’t just go out and get another one and the cheaper flat irons sold in drug stores just made my hair look like straw. After my initial panic, I realized it wasn’t a problem…until I wanted to go out. I don’t like wearing my hair up when going out because I feel like I didn’t make an effort to look nice so I wracked my brain for days thinking of what I could possibly do with my hair when I needed to go out for an evening. I finally just told myself: Myrna, stop being a jackass. Stop working against your curls and give them a chance. What’s the worse that could happen?
So began the endless immersion into product testing. I bought everything I could think of for curly hair: gels, leave-in conditioners, pomades, mousse, curl activators and serums. It took about four months to find a combination of products that worked with my hair and to learn how to comb my hair. At the age of 28, I was learning to comb my own hair all over again.
One fateful afternoon, I was walking through the mall with my sister. We both had our hair down, mine in full curl form and hers with a slight wave. We walked by a booth and a salesgirl called over to us. I looked at the display, and thought to myself, I don’t want to buy a flat iron so I was ready to walk away. The salesgirl approached me and asked, “How often do you flat iron your hair?” I replied simply, “ I don’t.” In my mind, the scenario I expected was one where she would understand from my reply that I’m not interested in a flat iron. Instead, there was a look of horror that washed over her face. She exclaimed, “WHY?!” and I was instantly offended and a little hurt.
Was I not supposed to like my hair? Did it not look good enough? Is there something wrong with curls? I was also surprised at my own reaction. I put on an angry face and proclaimed in an annoyed tone, “BECAUSE I LIKE MY CURLS!” At that very moment, I realized I meant it and it was such a relief. Years of torturing myself (and you know it is torture to have to flat iron your own hair, I have the scars to prove it) and my hair were about to end and it felt great. From that moment on, I made it a point to wear my curls as often as possible until I was comfortable enough to make it “my look.”
I know it seems a little shallow to talk about hair, but when hair is a constant reminder of how different I am, I naturally became a little self-conscious. It’s been over a year since I last flat ironed my hair and started to wear it in its natural state. I’ve received a lot of compliments (I’ve been told my hair looks healthier and that I look younger) and a lot of criticism. One of my closest friends said, “I just don’t like curly hair.” Although comments like these still sting a little, I’ve learned that the standards of beauty are different for everyone and there is no criteria I need to meet to feel beautiful. I can’t control how people react to my hair so there is no point in stressing myself out over it. What I can control is how I view myself. It took almost 30 years to learn to appreciate and to love my hair and I’m especially glad that I have finally gained the confidence to wear my curls even if the majority of people tend to find straight hair far more appealing.
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As a hairstylist, I want to thank you for loving your hair. Too too too many women can’t embrace their natural beauty. Curly girls want to be straight, straight girls want to be curly. And I get it, I do… But love yourself! You were made beautiful! I’m glad you have learned to embrace it – you really do have great hair!
Thank you! It’s rare that a hairdresser doesn’t suggest I just relax it already!
I totally feel your pain…I have super curly hair as well and it takes 2+ hours to straighten. I hated it when I was younger, especially in middle school and early high school. It took me a while to learn to accept it and manage it properly, but I’m 19 now and have totally embraced it (maybe not totally because there’s somedays I hate it, but you know what I mean) I’ve grown it out super long and got a keratin treatment which is natural, relaxed the girl and eliminated a ton of the frizz. Curls are just so…me! When it’s straight I feel like I blend in too much, and I don’t feel like myself!
I still have days when I hate that my hair won’t just stay down, but overall, I’m happy with it. I’m letting it grow out too, hopefully a little longer than half way down my back so I can get the Felicity Season 1 haircut!
ugh, forget those haters. I can sort of understand the feeling–whenever my hair is straightened from a haircut, people marvel at it and give compliments that actually make me feel bad (like, do you normally think I look horrible?).
I think (or maybe just hope) that a lot of people who say they like straight hair are really just not used to curly hair and so it seems strange to them. a lot of people–white people in particular, who grow up thinking “all the hair products in advertisements can work for everyone, right? isn’t everyone’s hair EXACTLY THE SAME as mine??”–don’t even know how tough it is to have textured hair or even how a lot of WoC’s hair “works” (“you mean you don’t wash it EVERY SINGLE DAY!?!?!!”) I think the only way to make this better is to spread awareness, and keep proudly showing off ya curls!
Yes! The best thing I could do for myself is getting out of the mindset that I needed to wash my hair everyday. Since I’ve started washing it less, it’s improved dramatically.
LOVE THIS!!!! GIIIRL!!! you don’t even know!! my hair is a curly frizzy mess. And i’m wondering what’s your hair care/style routine? i wish my curls were as nice as yours! I tend to just condition my hair when i shower and only shampoo it once a week or so… it works, my hair isn’t so dried out anymore!
and i loved this post because it reminds me of the india arie song, i am not my hair… and yet, some people are their hair. i’ve experienced both; my confidence inflating and deflating depending on how my hair looks or how i feel about it.
oh, and i found that when i shaved my head (completely bald) i was finally okay with just letting it be and not letting my confidence be so attached to my hair.
I have found that with natural African American hair the best way to work it is to ONLY brush it when you have conditioner in it!. NO JOKE. I was told this by the astronaut Susan Helms when I was little and didn’t believe it, now I live by it. I shampoo and condition every day but to rid yourself of frizz, brush with a wide tooth comb in the shower. The wider the comb the better. Let dry wrapped in a towel and style wet. I use Suave mouse, Anastasia Frizz control, and a fine mist of Motions Oil Spray and aqua-net hair spray for those fly-aways. I am a grad student to I haven’t had the $$ to try the better brands.
I’ve always wanted to shave my head, I’ve just been scared of the growing in process! I wish I was as brave as you!
I wash my hair every other day, I shampoo it and use leave in conditioner (Fructis Sleek & Shine Leave-In Conditioning Cream, about $3 at Target) and I use curl friendly gel (Herbal Essences Totally Twisted Curl Scrunching Gel, about $3.50 at Target) and let it air dry. If I want my curls to go the extra mile, like for special occasions, I use Ouidad Climate Control Heat & Humidity Gel ($9-$52 at Sephora) and spiral my hair with my fingers. When I need to “freshen” my hair, I spray it with Ouidad Botanical Boost Moisture Infusing & Refreshing Spray ($16 at Sephora). That’s it! I don’t ever use hair dryers or flat irons anymore!
Fab post, for years I also fought my curls and now love them. x
YES!
I’m 27 and still fighting my curls, but it’s only because I’ve been too lazy to try anything else. Thank you fornthis post, it’s time to love my curls.
Love your hair no matter what it looks like, sending CURL POWER your way!
oops – hit post twice – how do I get the 2nd one off of here?
Rock it! I was a curly-haired kid, but from first to 9 grade my hair went mysteriously straight, and I always found myself wishing it was curly again. At the end of 9th grade, I cut it off (from butt-length to just above my shoulders), and all of a sudden it went curly again, practically overnight! It’s been curly ever since then, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve never had anyone put it down (curly hair tends to be more admired here in the south I feel), but I can imagine your frustration at having people bash it! As long as you own it, no one can touch it!
I NEED TO MOVE TO THE SOUTH IMMEDIATELY!
Myrna, You’ve just told MY story too! When I was a little girl, I found out that there was a character named ‘Frieda,’ the girl with naturally curly hair, in the Charlie Brown movies. Ever since then, I’ve embraced my natural curls. I’ll admit some days my hair looks like a mangrove tree and frustrates me to no end (especially in this midwestern humidity)! But for the most part, it’s who I am and have been for 45 years. So glad to know there are so many of us out there! By the way, Avon has a GREAT product called Advanced Techniques-Frizz Control, Lotus Shield, for ALL hair types. It’s the first product I’ve used that actually manages to de-frizz my hair!
Myrna, You’ve just told MY story too! When I was a little girl, I found out that there was a character named ‘Frieda,’ the girl with naturally curly hair, in the Charlie Brown movies. Ever since then, I’ve embraced my natural curls. I’ll admit some days my hair looks like a mangrove tree and frustrates me to no end (especially in this midwestern humidity)! But for the most part, it’s who I am and have been for 45 years. So glad to know there are so many of us out there! By the way, Avon has a GREAT product called Advanced Techniques-Frizz Control, Lotus Shield, for ALL hair types. It’s the first product I’ve used that actually manages to de-frizz my hair! Keep being who you are – curly hair and all!!
I’ll give the Avon frizz control a try, but I bought the MARK (avon brand too) and it was horrible! I won’t hold it against them thought so I’ll try it, thanks for the info!
I too, LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. Thank you for posting it! I fought against my curls until I was probably 21 and then realized it’s too much energy. Like you said, when I started wearing it down and curly, I started getting compliments all the time! So many people would kill for beautiful curls, but they are still somehow unacceptable as a standard of beauty.
I just recently started getting my hair cut at a salon that specializes in curly hair. They are Deva certified and use Deva products, which I’ve started using and I LOVE the way they make my curls look. I also read the Curly Girl Handbook by Lorraine Massey one time while I was at the salon and I HIGHLY recommend it. It has great info, testimonials that I really connected with (some even made me tear up a little… yikes!) and some helpful instructions and recipes.
It sounds like I am advertising for them but I’m not! I just feel like I’ve had my own little curly hair revolution this past year! Thanks for posting this because us curly girls need to support each other as much as we can!
A friend just turned me on to the Curly Girl Handbook and I’m ordering a copy for myself!
I love your post. I also have curly hair so I can totally relate. I even got told once that my hair is untidy!!
I get told sometimes my hair is too big so I respond with, “It’s not big ENOUGH!”
I LOVE this post. it totally relates to me, how i felt about my hair, and how i feel about it now. and heyyyy, your curls are lovely!!
Its all about the grass is greener thing. I have 4, yes 4 curling irons of different sizes to try to make my hair look beautiful curly. My hair is so straight that it doesnt hold a curl no matter what product i use.So i do what you do, i put it in a pony tail cause im tired or wearing it straight lol.
If it makes you feel better, girls with straight hair have the BEST bangs!!
I also went through something like this. I hated my hair. I wore it long short nothing ever looked right until I embraced my curls, and loved them for the beautiful locks God blessed me with. Now I laugh at how crazy I would get over my hair. Good to see others loving their curls!!
I cried over my hair a few times, so over that!
I had the exactly same problem!! I have curly blonde hair and I straightened or wore it up every day untiil I was 22! My roommate saw it down and told me I should totally rock my curls and I have been ever since! What a nightmare it was until that point! love this!
You have beautiful hair!
THIS! I have curly red hair and have fought my whole life against looking like Little Orphan Annie. Finally in college I embraced my big hair, usually wearing it just past shoulder-length and curly and like Julia Roberts big (I was a music major–I had a bit of a diva thing going on). One day I think I had unexpected extra time in the morning and the humidity was low, so I straightened my hair just for fun. A friend of mine came up to me, hugged me, and said, “Look at yourself! You should never wear your hair ANY OTHER WAY THAN HOW IT LOOKS RIGHT AT THIS VERY MOMENT!”
*confidencesmash*
Luckily I’ve just accepted over time that my hair works best, looks healthiest, and is just plain more cooperative in its natural, crazy state. Thank you for this post!
First of all, I LOVE RED HAIR, I bet yours is gorgeous! I spent most of my teen years bleaching my hair and dying it red so that it resembled Shirley Manson’s hair. Although straight hair looks nice, the wild look is far more interesting!
I’ve come to the conclusion that the confidence you have to have when you wear the brightest of lipsticks is the same same when you have the curliest of curls. You grow into it and eventually love it.
Now that I’ve grown to love my hair, the perfect shade of red lipstick is next!
Wow! You’ve just told the story of my life… seriously!! I´ve got long black hair full of ringlets and it gave me a really bad time in high school too because I did’n know what to do with it. I tried my best to straighten it (with a hair dryer and a round brush – of course all the effort was almost useless) and I always ended up wearing an ugly, frizzy ponytail. Then I met the mousse and I was happy… but I got tired in a few years because – as you say- curls are underrated here in Spain too… so I went mad, I bought a GHD and I cut my hair and got bangs. I’ve started to iron my hair almost every day for a year and when I got tired and I wanted my curls they weren’t there anymore… It’s said that you don’t know what you have till it’s gone, and that’s a huge truth… For three years I looked like a scarecrow because my hair didn’t curl and I didn’t wanted to straighten it again. Luckily that’s past history… but now I know that I want my curls exactly as they look: beautiful and, above all, HEALTHY.
And no… friends don’t always help… A shade of jealousy maybe?
I also straightened my hair to death and thought that I’d ruined my curls forever. Once I stopped flat ironing, they slowly came back to life. You’ll get yours back, sending CURL POWER your way!
Curls are beautiful! The girl with the best hair I have ever seen is a girl with curly, black locks that went down to her mid-back. Never have I seen a better hair. Have fun!
That’s what I’m aiming for, long black curls…sort of like the villain in Tangled!