From Our Readers The Cover Letter I Wish I Could Send From Our Readers

Dear Company who says they are “hiring” but really are probably just moving people around within said company and therefore, probably won’t hire me,

Please hire me! I need to pay back my student loans. I am from a single parent home in the suburbs of Philadelphia and somehow, miraculously, got into New York University and it costs a fortune. I have a lot of loans. I need to pay them back. I really need this job.

I know on my resume it says that I studied drama, but I have a lot of experience. I’m super good at faxing things, organizing things… Being an acting major means I’m enthusiastic, outgoing and can deal with that one co-worker who is a little too eccentric for everyone else’s taste and thinks they are Beyonce. I will tell them they’re Beyonce and I will pretend like I’m interested in their latest novel they are writing on napkins at the local cafe because it’s so Rowling-esque. I’m an actress. It comes in handy.

I know you’re a really prestigious company, probably based in film/television production and I know you look at my major and think, “Oh gosh, another actress trying to network.” But really. You won’t regret hiring me. I also took writing courses at school! I was a lifeguard for several years of my adolescent life. I know CPR. First aid. I’m well-rounded.<

Listen, I will do anything. Let me specifiy. Anything that is not inappropriate or compromising to my dignity as a woman and/or human being. But I will do the jobs that the other UPenn and Cornell and Columbia graduates won’t do. Because I’m from NYU, where the Ivy-League rejects go under the cover of, “Columbia just isn’t edgy enough for me.” You want a caramel macchiato at 7am on the dot? I’m your girl. You want color-coordinated folders in the filing cabinet that no one will ever look at? I’m creative and love colors. You want someone to tell the clients that they are talented and will be cast in something? See two paragraphs above.

Listen. I’m just a girl trying to follow her dreams and make a buck in the process. I’ve worked in a bakery, at a summer camp, I can slice deli meat, I was an office assistant, I can guard lives. Just give me a chance and hire me. I know I’ll be a good addition to your team. Plus I watch a lot of E! and Bravo and will be able to contribute witty commentary around the water-cooler after last night’s episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians! (I know, I can’t believe Kendall Jenner’s on birth control either.)

So please. I implore you. Hire me.

Love (because the heck with Sincerely, I’m all about love in the workplace),
Nina.

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  1. I wish we could send cover letters like these because seriously when I have a Masters in Education and I’m applying for a personal assistant job, isn’t it obvious that I can handle whatever you throw my way, so you might as well get to know what other personable qualities I can bring to the work place.

  2. Omg I love this. I wish we could be this honest sometimes. Only thing I would edit would be to not have two consecutive paragraphs start with “Listen”

  3. haha Great job, Nina! I say send it! Someone may love your creativity and initiative!

  4. I think you should send it! What do you have to loose?

  5. YES!!!!!

  6. I will share with you guys my “I wish I could send this” cover letter!

    Dear Hiring Manger:

    I would like to formally submit my resume for your review for whatever office job that is currently available. Full or part time is not important, but benefits would be the difference between my having to go to CVS clinic and going to a real doctor when I am sick, so that would be wonderful as well. I am a recent college graduate, a late-20′s divorcee, currently semi-engaged, with dreams of being a social worker, having children and carving out a little piece of this big world as my own. In my spare time, I enjoy writing, blogging, obsessing over the Counting Crows, keeping up on politics with random liberal rants here and there, walking my pit bull, and seeing films.

    To tell you a little about my professional work history, I have worked mostly part-time answering phones for a living for a decade while I went to school for a degree I am currently unable to use (Sociology). Office jobs seemed a little more appealing than retail, and I found a job in real estate easily when I was in high school and it piqued my interest. Now that I have worked in it for half a decade or so, I no longer have an interest in working in a morally bankrupt environment where the only thing that matters to my coworkers are money and status. So, I would appreciate a work environment where people actually care about other people and possibly even value them as equals. As far as my technological skills, I have never met a computer I can’t navigate, a copier I couldn’t copy on, a scanner I couldn’t scan on, a phone I couldn’t answer, a yelling person I could not calm down, a spreadsheet I could not Google my way to compiling, or a word processing program whose incredibly confusing interface caused me to not complete the task. I have never met a math problem I could do without extensive help from my left-brained friends and exes.

    As for my personality… I am easy to get along with, and despite working with many crooked, evil people throughout the years, I have never let my fists actually come in contact with their faces, which shows that I am cool-headed and exercise restraint extraordinarily. I make people feel welcome, I smile easily, and I do small talk fabulously, and I have a real knack for determining lies from truth. My character assessment of others are always spot-on, so I believe I may come in handy for you if you are ever unsure whom in the office is trustworthy. I tend to be grumpy until I’ve had my morning coffee, and I tend to doze off around 2pm, which I hear is actually a chemical thing and has something to do with the post-lunch period of the day. I am motivated: If you ask me to do something, I will do it. However, if you are looking for someone who will tell you if something is moronic and help you find rational, reasonable alternatives, I am the woman for the job. Common sense is no longer common, but I possess it, and I promise you, it is a rare gift you will appreciate about me. At my current position, my best skills are pretending to be happy when my bosses ask me to personally hand wash their special espresso cups, smile while I break my back lifting boxes containing real estate awards collected over a two decade career of someone who seems shadier than a car salesman, Windexing the entire office to appear busy, and pretending to work while I secretly Google chat. I dress just professionally enough to not anger my employers, but I will never wear heels unless you are dying or getting married, no matter how much more professional my employer feels they are.

    I have goals for my life. None of them include answering phones, greeting clients, data entry, or washing dishes long-term. All I really want to do is be someone who provides assistance to the sick and elderly in their time of need, and to stand up for people who have no voice. Working in offices has made me feel as though I do not have a voice, so I hope your office is different than every other one I have worked for. I am a flawed but wonderful human being. When I make mistakes, I make them epically. My creativity, when encouraged, can also be pretty epic. My kind-hearted, good-humored spirit will be an asset to your office. I am unique and slightly eccentric. If you are looking for a dependable, wise, over-qualified, super intelligent “office girl,” then you really should pick me. If you challenge me, encourage me, empower me, and value me, I will succeed in whatever job you give me, and you will never regret hiring me.

  7. NYU Alums unite.

  8. Hahaha love this. I wish I could write a similar letter.

  9. “Because I’m from NYU, where the Ivy-League rejects go under the cover of, “Columbia just isn’t edgy enough for me.” You want a caramel macchiato at 7am on the dot? I’m your girl. You want color-coordinated folders in the filing cabinet that no one will ever look at? I’m creative and love colors.”

    As another NYU alum I can confirm this statement. :)

  10. I’ve been wanting to write this in the last 50 million (slight hyperbole) cover letters I’ve been writing lately.

  11. I love it. I feel ya. And I want to send it myself.

  12. I know your pain…only minus the acting ability…

  13. exactly. what i want to say. lol. if only…

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