You know that feeling when you just need to take a break and relax because you’re so exhausted from being really cool? Me too. People are always asking me, “Gee, how’d you get to be so cool?” “How do you stay so cool?” or “Is Cool really your middle name?” So, since practically the whole entire world is dying to know, here’s the truth: I got schooled in cool by four crazy, old ladies – The Golden Girls. Oh, and also, Cool is not my middle name. On the surface, The Golden Girls is just another one of those silly half-hour family sitcoms. I guess somehow it managed to win 4 Golden Globes and 11 Emmy Awards or whatever, no big deal. But beneath all the sex jokes, vapor rub and estrogen are little gems of wisdom – important life advice for those hoping to master the art of cool:
Eat What You Wanna Eat, But Mostly Just Cheesecake
While it’s true, The Golden Girls did attempt to diet on several occasions, they ultimately found that being cool isn’t about dwelling on your looks, it’s about liking yourself enough to do what makes you happy. And what made these women happy was cheesecake. I don’t know if you know this, but The Golden Girlsate 75% of all the cheesecakes produced between 1985-1992. Who knows where The Cheesecake Factory would be today if not for the cast’s tenacious advocation of the decadent dessert. Aside from their work in cheesecake consumption, the Girls also created the first ever million-calorie Maple Syrup Honey Brown Sugar Molasses Rice Krispy Log – no longer sold in stores as it has been said to cause immediate tooth loss!
Be a Pal, But Also Be a Confidant
If people trust you with their deep, dark secrets, then you’re cool. If you tell other people those deep, dark secrets, then you’re a weiner and I hope you accidentally sleep in on Black Friday. The Golden Girlsalways kept each others’ secrets, spilling the beans only when absolutely necessary or as a result of sheer stupidity (I’m talking to you, Rose. I still can’t believe you accidentally told Blanche that Dorothy had her ears pinned back in college!).
Always Keep It Real
Even though the show is a comedy, it tackled some pretty heavy topics like homelessness, unemployment, illegal immigration and even nuclear war. Clearly, the Girls knew how to keep it real. It takes somebody really cool to confront such controversial topics and present them in a way that isn’t sugar-coated but comprehendible. Like that time Rose took an HIV test and we had to wait a whole half an hour (until the very butt-end of the episode, it was torture you guys) to find out if she was gonna die or not. We find out that she isn’t, but also that people need to be better educated about the disease. Cool people speak out on causes they believe in.
Wear What You Wanna Wear, Even If You Look Like Cher
Once, Dorothy and Sophia dressed up as Sonny and Cher to sing ‘I Got You Babe’ for a mother/daughter talent show. Sophia had on a big fur vest and a mustache, while Dorothy donned a long black wig with a headband. And that, my friends, is the story of the first hipsters ever. Just kidding. They looked absolutely ridiculous and they knew it too. But so what? They had the guts to wear it and that was cool.
Always Thank Your Friends For Being Your Friends
Sometimes, the Girls argued and went for long periods of time without speaking. I remember once, Blanche got mad at Dorothy for stealing attention away from her at work and then it went to a commercial break where some hungry looking kid was begging his mom for pizza rolls or something. After the commercial break, she was still giving Dorothy the silent treatment, dang! But eventually they made up by expressing their appreciation for each other and hugging it out the way cool people do, because if you’re cool, then you know that even though they piss you off sometimes, your friends deserve a whole lot of love for putting up with you and all your crap (the figurative kind).
Follow Anna Leynes on Twitter.
Feature image via.