My personal motto is, ‘Home is where the bra comes off,’ because after a long day at work, all I want to do is get back to my apartment and slip off my bra.
It isn’t that I completely hate wearing a bra; there are some aesthetically pleasing parts. They come in cute colours with fun patterns, there’s also a great appeal to the lacey and sexy cuts of bras. I can’t deny that they’re functional. I enjoy having everything kept in place and not just jiggling freely while I go about my day. And I certainly appreciate not having the embarrassment of having my nipples show through my shirt on a chilly day; and the fact that my natural size and shape is enhanced with a bra is a bonus.
But despite all that, there are also burdens and frustrations that every woman who wears a bra is intimately familiar with.
Firstly, there is putting the damn bra on. You have to do that thing where you turn it round to the front to get the clasps in, then work it round again until the cups are at the front, and then, finally, you slip your arms through and pull it up. This is how everyone does it, yes? Are there women out there who actually put on their bra and then reach around and blindly manage to get the clasps in place? If you do exist, then on principle, I hate you, while at the same time I am envious of your skill.
Next, there is the cups. During my menstrual cycle I temporarily get bigger boobs; not big enough to warrant buying a new bra, but my cups do runneth over. Normally I would be pleased at having slightly larger breasts, but this is not a Victoria’s Secret moment. This is more of a quadraboob effect which consists of having some extra boob flesh peaking out the top of my bra making it look like I have four boobs instead of two. So, I spend all day trying to discreetly adjust my bra and get the cups to fit right. Or there is the opposite issue, where I have lost a few pounds and with a smaller waistline comes slightly smaller boobs. Now, I have cups that are slightly big and there is a gap between my boob and my bra that serves no purpose except for those moments it is used as an emergency pocket for my phone.
Now let’s discuss the straps. Either they are too loose and constantly slip off your shoulders, or they are too tight and dig into your shoulder. On the rare occasion when you have adjusted them perfectly and they sit as they are supposed to they are still a burden because they are this thin strap of material that is just sitting, unmoving on your shoulder for hours and hours on end, and just like any item worn for long periods, it becomes a nuisance.
Strapless bras are no better. There is only so much moving that you can do in one before the darn thing slips off your breasts completely, and ends up around your waist like some sort of belt. If there is a trick to keeping these in place then it is one I am yet to discover.
Finally, there’s the underwire, a piece of wire sitting on top of your ribcage that is surely some form of modern day torture. Those things irritate, especially in the summer when you are dealing with the heat, humidity, and sweat. And anyone who has ever worn an underwire can attest to the sudden betrayal of having their underwire poke out and stab them in the armpit.
It does not matter the cost of the bra, or the size of the boobs, everyone has their own bra horror stories. Either they confine, or ride up, fall down, pinch and hurt your shoulders or your back, or chafe your underboob, the list is endless.
So, when you get home breathe a sigh of relief as you remove your bra and say bye to your burden. At least for a short while.
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