Our quest to right the injustice that is celebrity-on-celebrity dating, as outlined here, continues today with the Broke Girl’s Guide to dating Jason Segel. Now, we thought we were the only weirdos who are secretly mad-crazy in love with the oft-naked (see Forgetting Sarah Marshall), semi-professional puppeteer. Not so. As it turns out, Jason Segel is one of those dorky guys that every girl secretly wants to make babies with. If you’re among those who would die to snag Jason, we’re here to help you prevent him from going the way of other dorky yet somehow crushable celebs (think Justin Long and Drew Barrymore), and instead get him to go your way. Here are our five simple steps:
1. Cape Crusade — Jason reportedly wore a cape under his clothing until he was 12. Here’s one (on sale!) for you to wear at all times, just in case, though we suggest you rock it on the outside rather than in.
2. Become a Jew — If you already are one, we are very jealous. Jason is, too. Come to think of it, this is just good Broke Girl advice regardless — choose to be chosen!
3. Get Artsy — Jason writes screenplays and music, acts, and does who knows what else. Frankly, it wouldn’t surprise us to learn that he can also write a mean Haiku, paint an impressive interpretation of the Mona Lisa, and cut a rug in step with the best polka dancers in Sweden. The more completely impractical yet awesome talents you can display, the better. Bookmark the BGG Deal Feed for updates on all kinds of how-to classes in your neighborhood (dancing, cooking, sky-diving, etc.).
4. Prep Yourself — If you live in LA, you likely can’t throw a stone without meeting someone who went to Harvard-Westlake High School, where Jason is an alum. The school itself is not for Broke Girls, but coffee with your closest Harvard-Westlake acquaintance is, and trust us — they all know each other. It’s an easy (and cheap!) in.
5. Master Puppets — This is an obvious one, and we’d enlist the help of this guy — who may or may not actually be Jason Segel’s soulmate — in making it happen. If all else fails, make the LA movie theater rounds, puppet in tow, for screenings of The Muppets. You may just run into Jason, and it’ll be love at first (puppeteer-to-puppeteer) sight.
We know that puppet supplies can get costly. For tons of Broke Girl tips on how to live large and spend small (read: make lots of puppets), sign up for the free Broke Girl’s Guide daily email now!