The Broke Girl's Guide to Snagging Jason Segel Broke Girl's Guide

Our quest to right the injustice that is celebrity-on-celebrity dating, as outlined here, continues today with the Broke Girl’s Guide to dating Jason Segel. Now, we thought we were the only weirdos who are secretly mad-crazy in love with the oft-naked (see Forgetting Sarah Marshall), semi-professional puppeteer. Not so. As it turns out, Jason Segel is one of those dorky guys that every girl secretly wants to make babies with.  If you’re among those who would die to snag Jason, we’re here to help you prevent him from going the way of other dorky yet somehow crushable celebs (think Justin Long and Drew Barrymore), and instead get him to go your way.  Here are our five simple steps:

1. Cape Crusade — Jason reportedly wore a cape under his clothing until he was 12.  Here’s one (on sale!) for you to wear at all times, just in case, though we suggest you rock it on the outside rather than in.

2. Become a Jew — If you already are one, we are very jealous.  Jason is, too.  Come to think of it, this is just good Broke Girl advice regardless — choose to be chosen!

3.  Get Artsy – Jason writes screenplays and music, acts, and does who knows what else. Frankly, it wouldn’t surprise us to learn that he can also write a mean Haiku, paint an impressive interpretation of the Mona Lisa, and cut a rug in step with the best polka dancers in Sweden.  The more completely impractical yet awesome talents you can display, the better. Bookmark the BGG Deal Feed for updates on all kinds of how-to classes in your neighborhood (dancing, cooking, sky-diving, etc.).

4. Prep Yourself — If you live in LA, you likely can’t throw a stone without meeting someone who went to Harvard-Westlake High School, where Jason is an alum.  The school itself is not for Broke Girls, but coffee with your closest Harvard-Westlake acquaintance is, and trust us — they all know each other.  It’s an easy (and cheap!) in.

5. Master Puppets — This is an obvious one, and we’d enlist the help of this guy — who may or may not actually be Jason Segel’s soulmate — in making it happen.  If all else fails, make the LA movie theater rounds, puppet in tow, for screenings of The Muppets. You may just run into Jason, and it’ll be love at first (puppeteer-to-puppeteer) sight.

We know that puppet supplies can get costly.  For tons of Broke Girl tips on how to live large and spend small (read: make lots of puppets), sign up for the free Broke Girl’s Guide daily email now!

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  1. I’ve got the Jew thing going for me but what about living on the other side of the world? Dang.

  2. This article makes me happy. I don’t feel so alone in my undying crush on JS

  3. Oh no! Two many awesome women that I will be competing with for Jason Segel’s love!!! He’s perfection!!! Can we clone him?

  4. Yesssss. This article. Words escape me.

  5. OMG, bless this day! So happy I get to know this blog! YOU’RE GENIUS!
    And yeah, I also thought I was the only one to find Jason not just adorable and funny but very charming and sexy, in his own way!

  6. he is the most adorable actor ever. i think even my husband has a crush on him. in his interviews he seems super nice and down to earth. and he is not just a pretty face, although it is gorgeous, his movies/shows are hilarious. i fall in love with all the characters he plays. i didn’t even know he was jewish? also why is judaism cool? not that i know about the religion, but people who practice it seem awesome. it makes me want to become religious and convert.

  7. Believe it or not, I bumped in to him on Valentine’s a few years ago, and through a random series of events got to hang out with him for a couple of hours. It’s a bit odd that one of my best Valentine’s ever was spent hanging out with another guy, but I’m okay with it.

    I keep meaning to write the story up for my blog, but haven’t quite gotten around to it. It works better in person.

    Suffice it to say, he was super cool, down to earth, and absolutely hilarious.

  8. by the way, that cape was on sale when we wrote this! Here is a cheaper one that we own that is really cute, plus 20% off today at American Apparel with code MONDAY11
    http://store.americanapparel.net/rsawn301.html?cid=213

  9. I had the biggest Freaks & Geeks related crush on Jason for the longest time. Then I read a recent (I think around Sarah Marshall) Rolling Stone piece on him. Totally ruined it. He just seemed really skeevey and gross. Yet somehow, I still find him a bit adorable.

  10. He’s a sensy and every girl wants a gentle giant. My heart melts watching him talk. I know if we ever met I would turn into a puddle.

  11. Choose to be choosen = best. I can’t stop giggling

  12. We are just shamelessly angling for a date here — Jason, call us! We cried like 3 times during The Muppets. Soul mates?

  13. Thank you for posting a picture of two of my biggest crushes sitting side by side. My day is so much brighter now!

  14. I have never been ashamed of my massive crush on Jason Segel. Ever since I first saw Freaks and Geeks I just drown in those big puppy dog brown eyes. And for some reason I always imagine he is a damn good hugger. Because he is so big and tall, he’ll wrap his arms around me and I’ll melt into a warm happy place feeling that in this hug absolutely nothing can go wrong. You can let your guard down and surrender. But there is more to this hug the just his size. He seems like a genuinly good human. Not just a nice person or charitable, but raised right. The kind of person you always want to hang around because you secretly want them to rub off you. Amd a hug from a person like that is wonderful. You can just feel that in there hug all they want to do is make you happier. When you have a crappy day, and it doesn’t feel like anything will ever go your way again, a hug like this lets you know that everything will end up ok. Ok so I have an epic fantasy hug with Jason Segel, so what? I still want to climb him like a tree.

  15. Jason Segel is definitely in my top five, but the number one, hands-down, absolute tops is Joseph Gordon-Levitt (duh). I need to see that how-to.

  16. i’ve been in celebrity love with jason segel for years. he seems like one of those actors who is actually within reach, not to mention insanely nice, cute, funny and talented. i have friends who know him but due to them being americans and me being stuck in the uk, i have missed many an opportunity to make him fall in love with me. the closest i got was drinking in his local bar in LA, when he was in another state filming (planned that trip badly). deep down i know we (probably) won’t get married so i’m bracing myself for a full-on broken heart when he gets a girlfriend.

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