“There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I, must’ve been outta my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real you”

Beyonce

Dear Ingrid that’s in love with *Danny,

This week’s letter is written to an Ingrid of many ages. I’m talking to the Ingrid that needs to be reminded of her worth.  At first I’d like to talk to the sixteen year old Ingrid who met Danny and then I’d like to speak with the twenty-four year old Ingrid who said goodbye to Danny. Here we go…

Dear 16 Year Old Ingrid,

I know you think that Danny is soooo hot. He wears gigantic ski goggles on his head in the middle of summer as a fashion statement. What a cool dude! He’s three years older than you and he’s got a pretty neato part-time job.  He’s a DJ at Bar and Bat-Mitzvah’s on Saturday nights, and when he’s done working seems to be the only time he has for you.

First Rule: a man that only wants to hang out with you at midnight is not a man that deserves you in his life.

I know when something is laid out so plainly like this it seems simpler than it feels, but it is this black and white.  You deserve better. Trust your gut and graciously let this one go.

You may have only kissed him, but you’re falling for him and he knows it.  He’ll **page you just when you think he’s forgotten about your existence, and you’ll fall even harder.  He’ll make zero to minimal effort in trying to keep you interested and yet, you are.  You’ll stick it out because you’re convinced he’s just as infatuated with you as you are with him.  He may just be… but feeling insecure and needy more than you feel good isn’t the way the great love stories unfold… so why should yours?

Second Rule: Don’t let others treat you worse than you’d ever treat yourself/others.

I trust your instincts because they are mine.  You know this relationship makes you feel bad but you’re sticking it out hoping it’ll change. Maybe you need the next rule to be your wake up call.

Third Rule: A man you are dating that fools around with a friend of yours while you are asleep in your bedroom is not a good person.  And… you should probably sever ties with that friend of yours while you’re at it.

I know what you’re thinking. I need “closure”! Whatever that even means.  You won’t get it because a Danny is not in the business of giving you what you need. This relationship will fade away and let it be so.  Let him go and constantly remind yourself that he took fashion cues from Seth Green.

Dear 24 Year Old Ingrid,

Forgiveness is a beautiful and important part of life but sometimes?

Fourth Rule: Some scumbags just don’t deserve our forgiveness.

I know it doesn’t seem very karmic but I’m not sold on the whole forgiveness thing in this sitch. Sometimes you need to be reminded you deserve better than this and you can say, “No, you don’t get the privilege of coming back in my life!”

Fifth Rule: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice,  you’re a terrible person.

Ingy, I like that you are trustworthy and I like that you accepted Danny’s apology and welcomed him back in your life.  But he is, sadly, exactly the same person he was eight years ago. Meaning? He literally started dating another girl while he was dating you moments after apologizing for it the first time.  Swoooon! What a dreamboat!

I want to french braid your hair and remind you of how wonderful you are because, for whatever reason, you think this type of relationship is worth your while. He wore goggles in the summer, remember?  You need to know that even though Danny is probably a very good person in his world, when it comes to yours, he’s a super creep.

Maybe you start dating him again because you need to sort out whatever wasn’t figured out the first go around.  Or maybe you want to prove to him on some level what a great girl you are hoping that he’ll see it.  Here’s the trick though… when you are in the right relationship you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.  You can just be you and that’ll be good enough.  Say goodbye to Danny and never look back.  You’ll get your closure when you realize how much happier you are without him in your life.

Here’s what I’m trying to tell you: there’s a whole world of people out there, why waste any of your precious time on a Danny?  And in the words of Queen Beyonce…

“I used to want you so bad
I’m so through it that
‘Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
Oh you turned out to be the best thing I never had
Oh I will never be the best thing you never had
Oh baby, I bet it sucks to be you right now”

Love,

Your Future Self

*Danny represents all the heartbreakers of our past. Don’t be a Danny, boys!

**A “pager” is a simple personal telecommunications device for short messages. A one-way numeric pager can only receive a message consisting of a few digits, typically a phone number that the user is then requested to call.

Image Via: IMDB