The Best and Worst of TV Moms

With Mother’s Day coming up in just 11 months, mothers are on everyones minds.  There are all kinds of moms out there, but my favorites (other than my own mom) are TV moms.

TV moms have given fake birth to some of our favorite characters and they’ve taught us many important life lessons. For example, Meredith Baxter taught my whole family how to tie a tie. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (Meredith Baxter played a mom on Family Ties.  Get it? Hilarious. #Pulitzer)

One of my favorite TV moms is Fran Sinclair: the matriarch on the hit Dinosaur sitcom, Dinosaurs.  


She was a dinosaur….that wore clothes.  That is literally the coolest thing in the history of  television.  Plus, she was played by Jessica Walter (Lucille in Arrested Development), so she wins the life time Emmy for “Coolest Ever.”

Not all TV moms can be awesome dinosaurs though; some of them have real (fake) life problems.  That’s what makes them so interesting to watch.  But having them as your mom?  What would that be like?  Let’s explore!

Catelyn Stark (Game of Thrones)

Why It Would Be Awesome:

Catelyn Stark is a badass.  She’s noble, powerful, trustworthy, loving, fierce, protective, reliable and a thousand other cool things.  This lady fought off a psycho, knife wielding, barn-dweller to save her comatose son.  She cut her hand, leaving blood everywhere, but she was still like, “NO WAY is this dip gonna come into my castle and try to kill my son. I’m getting to the bottom of this garbage.”  So she set off on a long journey to get to the bottom of that garbage.  Other moms on this list would have been like, “OWWW… my hand….I’m gonna just chill here for the foreseeable future and try not to get killed.”

Why It Might Suck:

Have you ever seen someone take a shower in Game of Thrones?  Catelyn, gods lover her, would probably smell horrible.  Can you imagine trying to have friends over?

You: Hey, do you want to come over after school? I just got an X-Box 3.

Friend: Sorry…..I can’t….your mom smells like a wet towel that’s been in a dark cave for a thousand years.

TRAGEDY

Gloria Delgado-Pritchett (Modern Family)

Why It Would Be Awesome:

Gloria is this list’s “cool mom.”  She’s loving, fun, free spirited and full of life. She’s the kind of mom that would let you throw parties and get away with a thing or two.  She’s also the kind of mom that knows what the kids are doing, so experimenting with bath salts would probably by off the table (thankfully).

Gloria is also very protective and could do some serious damage to a home intruder or child-hurty-guy.  You know how mother bears go ballistic when their cubs are in danger?  Gloria is exactly like those bears…minus all the hair, like 3000 pounds, a thirst for blood and cave-dwelling skills. Plus, I don’t think she’s friends with Werner Herzog.

Why It Might Suck:

Imagine this: you’re chillin’ in the basement, trying to be alone cuz parents just don’t understand.  You hear Gloria start whispering from three floors above and it just doesn’t stop.  You put in ear plugs…it’s no use.  So you run over to the neighbor’s house to try to get away for even an hour.  But you can still hear her whispering because it’s THAT LOUD.  I sure couldn’t deal with that.  I treasure my hearing.

Kirsten Cohen (The O.C.)

Why It Would Be Awesome: 

The kind of mom that takes in an orphan teen and treats him like her own?  I ain’t mad at cha.

Plus, who wouldn’t want to live in The O.C.? (I swore I wouldn’t call it that.)  That place is gorgeous…and even gorgeouser in the hands of McG.  The beaches are clean, the water is the deepest blue and the people say cool things like, “Welcome to the O.C., bitch.”  Again, who wouldn’t want to live there?

Why It Might Suck: 

Drinky drinky.  No one wants to take care of their mom when she’s hammered drunk; throwing up on herself and trying to explain why her father, Caleb, has a british accent and she doesn’t.

The Mother in How I Met Your Mother

Why It Would Be Awesome:

If she was your mom, you’d live in the self proclaimed best city on earth!  Wouldn’t that be fun? Can’t you imagine you and all your girlfriends going out for cocktails and talking about Mr. Big, or you and all your bros making breakfast at Vinny’s Mom’s and talking about whether Vinny is going to do Aquaman 2 or not?  That’s what happens in New York everyday!  Plus, you would probably grow up at a bar, which would be pretty dope.  Everyone would know your name AND be glad you came.

Why It Might Suck:

Since we don’t even know who she is, chances are she’d be an absent parent.  That would suck.  What if the twist was that those kids don’t even have a mother?! Talk about mind blowing.

Skylar White (Breaking Bad)

Why It Would Be Awesome:

Trying to find nice things to say about this lady.  hmmmmm…  She has a good sense of humor? Nope, not that.  She’s chill? Wait, I’m thinking of Jessie’s friend, Badger.  She’s fiscally responsible?  I guess that works.

Why It Might Suck:

Every other reason.  She’s annoying, cold, distant, manipulative, wet-blanket-y and an all around dope.  It’s not totally her fault – her husband, Walter, is a real piece of work – but I’m not throwing any bones here.  She took away Walter Jr’s car!  I am CERTAINLY mad at cha.

Vivian Banks (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)


Why It Would Be Awesome:

Well, first things first: Will Smith would be your brother-cousin. Big Will! I imagine pool parties, clean rapping, sun glasses, trips to miami, goofballin’,  lots of laughs, warm smiles, noogies and tons of life lessons.

More importantly, Vivian is a great mom.  She’s incredibly smart; according to her wikipedia page, she was a retired doctor and earned her PhD at UCLA.  She’s a no nonsense kind of mother that has strong opinions and can back them up with her vast knowledge.  When push comes to shove, though, she’ll support her kids in any decisions that they make (even when Hilary wants to pose of Playboy).

Why It Might Suck:

Two words:  “Ummm…that’s not my mom.”

I remember watching Fresh Prince one day, and being totally caught off guard: there was magically a new Vivian Banks.  They switched actresses and didn’t even try to find one that looked like the original!

Can you imagine coming home and seeing some random lady pretending to be your mom?  Horrifying. Carlton must have been traumatized.  What’s even worse is that your dad treats her exactly like your old mom.  This scenario is some cray cray out of a Twilight Zone episode.  NOT FOR ME.

Betty Draper (Mad Men)

Why It Would Be Awesome:

Snacks on snacks on snacks. Snacks on snacks on snacks.  Betty Draper’s fridge has  the tastiest of snacks, and as her child, you’d have free rein.  These are some of the snacks that you could look forward to: Bugles, Ho-Hos, steak, butter flavored popcorn, straight butter, chocolate bars, sweet cream, sweet lard, french fries, fried butter and ice cream.  I’d sign up for that right now.

Plus, Betty is sweet, kind, loving and an all around great mother.

Why It Might Suck:

Where do I begin?  Betty could be the worst on this list; she’s petty, easily annoyed, cold and childish.  While there’s no doubt in my mind that she does love her kids, she has no idea how to show it.

“I’d rather hang out with my new mom, Megan! At least she taught me how to cry on command!  You don’t appreciate Bobby’s sense of humor and you never hold Gene!” – Sally Draper, in my Mad Men fan fiction.

Danny Tanner (You really don’t know?)

Why It Would Be Awesome:

Danny Tanner is the best TV mom of all time, IEO (in everyones opinion).  He has all the qualities of a great TV mom and then some.  No one can provide like Danny Tanner.  No one can support like Danny Tanner.  No one can clean like Danny Tanner.  No one can cook like Danny Tanner.  No one can LOVE like Danny Tanner.  He’s a jokester, a career-man, a homemaker, a cool guy, a TV news personality, a protector, a hunk, a gentle soul, a friend and a dog lover. He’s everything that is good in this world.  I’m gonna write a book about Danny Tanner, I swear.

Why It Might Suck:

NOTHING about it would suck! Are you crazy?

I wanna be in this pic!

I want to give a special shout out to Marge Simpson and Peggy Bundy.  These TV ladies make me laugh, but I wouldn’t want to be their son because: A) I don’t want to be a cartoon, and B) I like to think I’m classier than that.  The closest I’ve ever come to being a cartoon was when I accidentally ate some old cheese and everything around me started to melt.  Didn’t like that.  Don’t want to go back.

So there’s the list!  TV moms can be the moms you wish you had AND the moms you are so thankful not to have. But Danny Tanner? He’s perfect.

Who’s your favorite TV mom?

(Images via TV.com, Zap2it.com, Blogtrot.com and GreenBayPressGazette.com)

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