Between the years of 1986 and 2000, if you were a pre-teen girl with the ability to read, you knew everything – everything – about The Babysitters Club. But in case you need a refresher: Kristy has A Great Idea and now moms all over Stoneybrook can reach a bunch of experienced 13 year old babysitters at once, but only if they call between 5:30 and 6 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Occasionally, Kristy’s millionaire stepfather would take all of them on vacations together in a Super Special, spending roughly the equivalent of Canada’s gross national product so they never had to travel in a group of less than ten. You always skipped the second chapter, because you didn’t need to read for the zillionth time about Dawn’s obsession with tahini, Mary-Anne’s crippling anxiety and how Claudia has just stapled three live canaries to her beret.
And you know that you still secretly judge your friends by their favorite sitter. For the record, I am the only person in the entire world (seriously, they did a comprehensive study) who over-identified with Mallory. Which I will never understand, because Mallory was awesome. She had red hair and glasses! She liked horseback riding! She wanted to be a writer! She named her hamster Frodo! All you Stacey fans out there obviously had perfect lives, fluffy blonde hair, clear skin, straight As in math, and your own Bloomingdale’s charge card. Every last one of you.
Scholastic has been issuing reprints of the first couple books – I guess there’s texting now? And maybe ol’ Claudia doesn’t wear so many leg warmers? – but it seems patently unfair to me that they’re still aimed at kids. I grew up with the BSC, damnit. I learned valuable life lessons from those ghostwriters, and I am still in need of instruction! The Wakefield twins just got bumped up to adulthood and into 2012. Why can’t the BSC?
And because Sweet Valley Confidential ruined my entire childhood (Jessica Wakefield, you are a sociopath, and I hope that when Diablo Cody’s movie comes out, Elizabeth feasts on your soul), I will volunteer to write the first eighteen books of the new series myself. My proposed titles:
Kristy’s First Girlfriend
Claudia’s Useless Visual Arts Degree
Stacey Quits Law School
Mary Anne’s Unplanned Pregnancy
Dawn Goes Hipster
Mallory and Too Many Student Loans
Jessi’s Terrible Roommate
BONUS EDITION: Shannon’s Hasty Marriage
BONUS EDITION: Logan Bruno: Stay At Home Dad
Kristy Hates Temping
Claudia Occupies Wall Street
Stacey and the Trouble With STDs
Mary Anne’s Awkward Bachelorette Party
Dawn Loves an Unemployed Drummer
Mallory and the Cubicle Blues
Jessi and the Race to Un-tag Facebook Photos Before an Important Interview
Abby Is Still Alive, I Guess, So Good Job With That
SUPER SPECIAL #1: Staycation! It’s Less Expensive Than Any Of Those Trips We Took In 8th Grade!
By Molly Shalgos
Feature image via.
STACEY’S LIFE WASN’T EASY, OKAY? SHE WAS A CHILD OF DIVORCE AND HAD DIABETES DAMMIT.
I say this only knowing you wrote that part with me in mind and it’s been a couple days since this was posted.
Seriously. I’d read the crap out of these books and am willing to pony up the first $50 for the “Molly needs the rights to BSC so she can write awesome stories about girls still having phone numbers that start with KL5″ fund.
And Jessica Wakefield is seriously cray.
It was a sad day when when my mom and I boxed up those BSC books and sold them to Half Price. Wish I would’ve kept them! Had the Little Sisters too. Still love the movie!
I loved the BSC! And I would love a 2012 reboot! For the record, Mallory was also my favorite. I am the oldest of four girls, and I totally identified with her sibling issues, and glasses, and being sick with mono when everyone else got to go to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I miss these books! I wish I could track down all 120+ of them and reread them all, skipping Chapter 2, of course! And when my grandma died, I totally thought of Mimi. So sad.
I read all the books as a child as well.This made me laugh I <3 it and i would read the updated series and i think i identified with Dawn the most.
You hit it spot on! I am in my 30′s and read every book as a child and into my late late teens! this was hysterical! I would read every title ! What a great way to start a Monday morning! Thank you for the flashback of side ponytail , neon leg farmers, and that Kristy was extremely
butch! LOL
proposed titles are so hilarious. good times, good memories though.
Hilarious!! Just brought back all of my BSC memories! I always identified with Mary Ann and was always so jealous of Dawn (and seriously, would those two really end up BFF step-sisters who find trap doors in old houses? I think not!). I LOVED what you said about always skipping the second chapter! Everyone did! It was the exact same every single time! Haha! Thanks for the memories!
very funny and very true! I still have my babysitter club books, I think I am only missing one or two from the whole series, and still am collecting them! I love the BSC, I even was a member of the friendship club, and have a BSC friendship bracelet! I totally laughed about the Wakefield twins, and how Jessica Wakefield is a sociopath..I thought I was the only one that was a little afraid of her like she was real. I also loved Mallory, my mom bought me ” Get Better Soon, Mallory” when I had mono…pretty fitting. I liked Mary-Anne the best though, we were both quiet and shy.
I really did laugh out loud…loved this!
LOVE THIS! I have to say, I don’t get why they “rebooted” them. I mean, I used to read Judy Blume from the 70′s when they talked about that awkard period belt and never thought “man I can’t relate to these books.” I mean, do we change Shakespeare? If anything, it’s a great way to show kids what life was like BEFORE technology…become more relatable! Must everything always be about making it easier on theM?
hah okay rant over, I just love BSC SO MUCH!
I am an obsessive collector of the Babysitters Club series and I am not ashamed to admit that I am in my early 20′s. These girls helped me through some tough times; they were my friends when I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere else, they gave me great fashions tips (mostly fashion don’ts but who can blame them, they were unfortunate enough to live through the 80′s and 90′s) and they always solved the mystery or dilemma or crime or whatever else they were doing which made me, as the reader and helper, feel pretty accomplished. I have always wondered how their adult lives would turn out and I think that these titles are pretty spot on. I would LOVE to be part of the Grow-up Babysitters Club and I think that these girls would still have valuable advice and life tips to give us grown-ups. I look forward to any possible future installments of the BSC.
bwahahahahaha YESSSSS absolutely nailed it, these are perfect new titles. I loved those books!
Dawn was always my favorite. I’d totally read about her going hipster & dating an unemployed drummer. Loved this!
Plus my name is Kristy, lol maybe that was why!
I read every one of these! They were so good back then!
Hilarious.
Stacey Goes to Rehab
Mary Anne and the Unpaid Internship
Claudia Doesn’t Have Health Insurance
Dawn Compromises Her Values to Take That JP Morgan Job Offer
This is too funny! I’ve never been a huge Kristy fan but I’d be the first one to read your book about her. Now there’s a book cover I’d like to illustrate. And the Babysitters Club girls were more relatable than the Wakefield twins any day.
Skipping the second chapter was an art in my house.
hahhahahahhaa!!! I loved loved loved these books, thank you for laugh so hard this morning, I needed that.