Mickey texted me earlier this week, telling me, “OMG, I have the funniest story to tell you!” I sent her a note back telling her, “Oooooh, I’m intrigued. We’ll talk later in the week!” She relayed that she had a half day coming up soon and that we HAD to talk about it then because it was the funniest thing ever.
Now, when somebody tells me that something is the “funniest thing ever”, I bend my ear in that direction because I want to hear it because I love funniest things ever. So I message Mickey on GChat when she had her half day, saying, “You are on the Internet. I must hear this funniest story ever.”
“YES. It’s the funniest story ever!” she says, then admits, “…But I’m studying for a Chemistry test. I can’t talk for too long!”
“Okay, that sounds good. Well, tell me the story!!”
She laughs and then begins her grand story of hilarity…
“Well, so, on Monday my math class was in the lunchroom, where we were doing a median line experiment that involved Barbie dolls bungee jumping from an upper level down to where we were. The lunchroom is this big area: it’s open on one side, big enough for rehearsals to take place, and has a section that is jammed with tables. There is a large glass window going across the entire wall, to see outside where there is an outdoor stage and senior lunch area. It’s pretty open, you see.”
“Yes, very exposed, yes,” I tell her.
“So, okay, we’re doing this experiment and all of a sudden, we hear some noise like something big is happening. We turn around and there is this crazy woman wandering into school with a backpack. She’s just making a ton of noise, stumbling around and then she tells us that she has a cat in her backpack, which she then took out and started waving to everyone.”
“Wait, wait, wait – a real cat or a fake cat?” I ask.
“Oh, it was a real cat. She took it out to show us because, apparently, ‘it was possessed’.’” She says.
“Oh my god. This is amazing,” I reply, “I need to hear how this ends!”
“So, then, she starts doing these like ballet moves, which were hilarious…well, it wasn’t ballet but she was moving around, doing turns and leaps and stuff –all while she had this possessed cat! Our math teacher ‘took care of it’, which means that she went and talked to her and we have no idea what she said, but whatever our math teacher said worked… although it made the crazy lady mad, who left immediately, diva strutting and flipping us all off. It was the best interruption at school. Ever.”
“That’s one of the best stories I’ve ever heard.” I tell her.
“Did anything like that ever happen when you were in school?” she asks.
“Hmmmm…I don’t know. Well, I have something kind of similar but not at all. Well, it’s something funny, although it shouldn’t be, but it does deal with something in school being somewhat interrupted? Does that count?”
“Well, that seems fine, as long as it’s an interruption and it’s school related… although it’s a stretch,” she says.
“Yeah, but whatever. So, here is my story: I was in college in this movement class where we had to roll around on the ground and stuff for the sake of art and the professor, a stocky woman who always wore very, very high-waisted shorts and long blouses, would roll around on the ground with us. One day, we had a bathroom break and everyone got water and we were all hanging out waiting for the professor to return. She came back in last and resumed class. She begins the exercise, which has her rolling on the floor. After some time, one person starts to giggle and tries to hide it.”
Mickey does not say anything during the story. She probably doesn’t think this is funny. I continue–
“Mind you, there are only six people in the class. The professor keeps rolling around and then the giggles start to spread and I’m like, ‘WTF are these people laughing about?’ Well, I look at the professor who is rolling around with what she calls ‘a giant invisible beach ball’ and notice that her African themed elephant blouse had ridden up some and a lonnnnnnng stream of endless toilet paper was sticking down from her super high-waisted shorts like a paper tail. We all didn’t know what to do but laugh and try to focus. She eventually asked us what was so funny and we just said that the activity looked funny so we all had a good laugh about that for ten minutes and then resumed two more hours of class rolling around on the floor… while the teacher still had a paper tail sticking out.”
Silence, still from Mickey.
“Does that count?” I ask.
“That was such a stretch. I don’t even know what to think about that,” she says.
“But, it was funny!”
“I guess,” she says. “But it sure isn’t a crazy woman with a possessed cat!”