The 6 Best Movie Theater Snacks (and the 1 Worst)Sean Morrow

Going to the movies is often a lame experience; chatterheads and loud laughers, bright-displayed texters and crying babies, seat-kickers and general hooligans infest.

But one thing rules about going to the movies: the snacks.

And no matter how hard you try to be nice, in the end, some things are objectively better than others. Here are the six best movie theater snacks, the only ones you should be eating, and the one worst movie theater snack, the consumption of which is unforgivable.

1. Sno-Caps

The candy that uses another candy as a topping! Called ‘nonpareils’ by people who buy generic and the French, the experience of eating Sno-Caps is worth getting those little colored balls stuck in your molars for hours after.

2. Big-Ass Soft Hot Pretzel

Pretzel-Finished1-50671

Image via Once a Chef

Salty, chewy, carby, warm, a hot pretzel is best eaten in A. a German bierhall or B. on a New York City street, but in a movie theater will totally do.

3. Twizzlers

Not only are they delicious, but they’re also fun to hit your friends with. When Wonder Woman appears in the new Superman movie, you can play along with a candy whip! Also don’t call them Red Vines, please.

4. Junior Mints

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Image via ABCNews

These are great because that stuff in the center is basically toothpaste, so you can eat them instead of brushing your teeth!

5. M&Ms 

So delicious that they only problem with using them as your movie snack is that they probably won’t even make it through the previews, leaving you snackless and alone.

6. Popcorn

Duh. Popcorn is to movie theater snacks what hydrogen is to elements. The definition of ‘human being’ should be “an animal with bipedal locomotion, a well-developed neocortex, that likes popcorn.”

And then the worst snack of all time:

Dippin’ Dots

Dippin'_Dots_Rainbow_Flavored_Ice

Image via The Atlantic

I hate nothing more than I hate Dippin’ Dots. I think about it all the time; every once in a while I’ll be peacefully walking down the street and ‘Dippin’ Dots’ will pop into my head and I’ll just get super angry. As a lower-middle-class straight white man one of the biggest problems in my life is that there exists a dessert I do not like.

Dippin’ Dots, these little frozen balls of misery, bill themselves as ‘the ice cream of the future,’ but I would never want to live in the future that Dippin’ Dots are the ice cream of.

Screw The Hunger Gamesforget Brave New World, the greatest dystopia ever written is that little piece of copy, calling the worst invention of all time “the ice cream of the future.”

They think they’re so cool coming out of their own vending machine, but they’re only put in there because Dippin’ Dots are so fickle they need to be kept in a special vending machine, so the creators of Dippin’ Dots are suggesting that the future is a terribly inconvenient place.

And Dippin’ Dots aren’t dead either, the company made like, $30 million in 2011, but since they are so damned expensive, that’s like four things of Dippin’ Dots.

I trust no one who likes Dippin’ Dots, and neither should you.

Featured image via Shutterstock

comments

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  1. Great post!! And thanks for the shout-out by using my pretzel picture. I appreciate it. I do have to disagree with your choice of Sno-caps though. Those things are awful!!! Keep up the good work.

  2. I idisagree with your choices, but I enjoyed your humor. :)

  3. My favorite movie snack is cotton candy, freshly made, preferably in the shades of pink and purple. Delish :)

  4. i love dippin dots. go to hell! EVERYBODY CHANT WITH ME
    DIPPIN DOTS!
    DIPPIN DOTS!
    DIPPIN DOTS1

  5. For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
    Th’ oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely
    The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
    The insolence of office, and the spurns
    That patient merit of th’ unworthy takes,
    When he himself might his quietus make
    With a big bag of popcorns?

  6. -sigh- I love dippin’ dots and can only get them during the county fair. I only hate the ones that managed to fall outside of my spoon.

  7. I like Twizzlers and Redvines, they are not the same. :-)

  8. I mix my snow caps with my popcorn! 3 snow caps to 1 piece of popcorn is generally a good ratio!

  9. I’m sorry, but Red Vines are superior to Twizzlers. Any day of the week.

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