Ruby's Corner That Mother-Daughter Bond Ruby Karp

Hey everyone, so if you are new to Ruby’s Corner, here’s something you should know about me: I am very close with my mom. Not many people have the same bond me and her do. I tell her everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.  No matter what. My friends always say to me, “I can’t believe you tell your mom everything.” I have asked my friends why they don’t tell their moms any thing, never mind everything. They ALWAYS say to me, “I can’t talk to my Mom, she just doesn’t understand me.” And that makes me sad!  So I have tips on how you guys can become closer.

 MY ADVICE FOR GIRLS:

  1.  So when you try to open up, start small. Say something maybe about how a girl is being mean or how your teacher was being weird or something that’s true that will get your Mom’s attention and put her Blackberry down. If you feel what your Mom says about it doesn’t really help, you don’t have to tell her more than you already have. If you feel she understood what you were saying, try opening up even more. You have to remember, they were our age once too. They could understand because they have probably been through the same things.
  2.  Now, a lot of girls my age like boys or something like that. This is the most awkward situation of all of them and most people don’t want to talk about with their moms and I understand. I know that you are scared your mom will say something like, “Oh my goodness, you are just too young!”  But you know what? You can’t control these feelings when you start having them, it doesn’t matter how old you are, right? So that’s what you have to explain to your Mom, you have to tell her that, you can’t turn the feelings off like a faucet! Because…you can’t really! And you’d really like to talk to your Mom about it. And after that maybe, you and your parents can make a deal like , you don’t need to date till a certain age but you can have crushes on people, which is a good deal, I think.
  3.  Try to relax when you’re talking to your Mom. She loves you. Always remember that.

 MY ADVICE FOR MOMS:

  1. If you want to get closer with your daughter, never open up the conversation with “How was your day?” Because seriously, your kid can just say, “Nothing” or “Good!” and go back to texting or whatever. Go to a specific question like, “Who did you have lunch with today?” or “Were the girls being mean to you again?” or something  specific that’s about something, so you can start up a good conversation, not a boring one. Don’t be worried if she doesn’t want to talk immediately because, in school it isn’t easy to trust anyone because you don’t know if they will tell your secrets so your daughter has just spent her whole day being on guard, so she needs to warm up a little. So start with specific questions and be gentle. It is nice to have someone to talk to.
  2. You have to remember you were a kid too. It’s very frustrating when moms are like, whatever with your problems! Especially when your kid likes a boy! So maybe make a deal with your kid because I would be bummed if I couldn’t talk to my Mom about my boy problems. Also how would you feel if your mom had said to you that you couldn’t like boys! Oh, she did? And you felt bad? So why are you doing it to your daughter? It isn’t a good feeling so try to find a deal with each other because I am sure you have a good reason but remember, we are only kids. We’re not getting married. Not yet.
  3. AND DON’T GO TELLING THE OTHER MOMS! Oh yeah! I went there! Like if your daughter says, “Oh and this girl likes that boy,” don’t call that girl’s Mom and gossip with her. It’s totally the way to make your kid go, see, that’s why I can’t talk to my Mom.

Now, I don’t know how boys act with their parents so I cant really write about it but maybe you can use some of this advice for your son/dad too.

Do you have any tips? I’d love to hear about them, here, or any time on twitter/rubykarp.

See you next week!

-Ruby

comments

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  1. Ruby, I adore reading your posts! And I love that you approached this from both angles; great advice! Another tip would to be interested in what your daughter is interested in! Not to share that interest (people wanna have their own things) but simply take an interest.

  2. I hope that one day when I have a daughter, she’s as creative and loving as you are.Maybe she won’t tell me everything; though I hope she would.
    However, I’d be extremely fortunate if her and I share the strong bond you share with your mother. I know that when I do have a son or daughter, they’d feel as loved as you do and they’d at the very least open up to me about the important things. It takes a great deal of confidence to open up and be yourself around your mother. I look forward to having this one day :) thank you.

  3. I like to think my mom and I are close. I will definitely keep this in mind. :)

  4. ruby, what a great thing you are doing, writing about life as a girl who has a great relationship with her mom! i know this will encourage girls your age and moms my age! i have a bff relationship with my mom too, and now that i have a little girl (1 year old) i get to look forward to a sweet relationship with her. thanks for the advice! your mama is one lucky lady. and it seems like you are too;)

  5. Hi! My how articulate and smart you are : ) I really enjoyed reading this article. I have to admit, i didn’t have the kind of mother to whom i could really talk about about boys or mean girls when i was growing up. I’m now a young adult and have found that actually in order to stay sane and figure things out for myself, i had to take some distance from my mum, and then re-establish contact when i felt ready to. That’s not to say i don’t love my mum, or think she is a bad person. I just think she had her own problems in life that sometimes got in the way of her understanding how she had to be there for us emotionally. But reading your article made me happy about the relationship you have with your mum, and it made me feel excited about being a mother myself in the future, that i can one day be there for my daughter in a way that your mum is clearly there for you. So thanks for sharing your advice Ruby : ) looking forward to your next pearl of wisdom! x

  6. My mother and I are in LOVE with each other and I also tell her everything. She is the best mom EVER. (sorry Marcelle). We are very lucky to be so close to our mothers. :)

  7. I don’t tell EVERYTHING to my mom, but I do tell her the important things. I’m 18 and I’ve never doubt about talking to mom when I need advice: she is always there, even if she doesn’t know what to say, she would listen to me and hug me… That’s what moms are supposed to do: being the saving rock to her children.
    You should protect that relationship with your mom, Ruby, you sure will need her iin your future! :)
    -Don’t forget to be happy!

  8. I am close with my mom too, Ruby. And even though in junior high and high school I sometimes felt like I couldn’t confide in her, I would eventually realize that talking to her would be the only thing that made me feel better. We didn’t always get along and we didn’t always agree, but a good mom (like mine and yours from the sound of it) is always there for you, no matter what! Now that I’m out on my own I value her even more than I ever did (but probably still less than she deserves). You gave very good advice that I hope a lot of younger women and their mothers will follow. And my advice to you is — remember that even if you fight, it doesn’t mean you can’t still make up and trust each other again.

  9. Ruby, I totally agree! I’ve had several friends over the years who have thought my close relationship with my mom was “weird,” just because I was nice to her, lol. I think that if more girls had a better relationship with their mothers, we wouldn’t see as much “mean girl” action as we do today.

  10. Great advice, Ruby! I’m glad I was able to tell my mom everything when I was your age and still am.

  11. Okay, I don’t know how old you are, but whatever age that is…all girls that age should be as smart as you. Also most girls 10, 20, and 30 years older too.

  12. You are super great, Ruby.

  13. Thanks, Ruby! It’s great that you tell your mom everything.

  14. Dear Ruby’s mum (sorry, Mom).. you ought to be one very proud lady! I really enjoy reading what your daughter writes! She is a beautiful writer.. a great kid (by what I can tell) and genuinely balanced for her age (again, by what I can tell!). A fabulous role model. Kudos to you!! (Keep on keeping on Miss Ruby! xx)

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