Thank You For Being You, Chris Brown

Chris Brown deleted his Twitter this past Sunday after exchanging choice words with comedian Jenny Johnson. Really obscure and difficult words that really convey intelligence, like “potvaliancy” and ” balsamaceous.” Just kidding! They were more of the ilk that conveyed he wanted to fart on her and then defecate on her retinas while calling her a Bush Pig with Bush Pig swag. Don’t worry, I urbandictionaried it for you — it’s an insult meant for an ugly woman, which is funny because Jenny Johnson looks like a blonde model while Chris Brown looks like a dude who has a tattoo on his face.

But these are things you already know. You’ve already heard about Chris Brown deleting his Twitter. You probably know more about Chris Brown deleting his Twitter than the basics of biochemistry and the situation in Gaza. I’m no different — calling it “the situation in Gaza” is intentionally vague on my part, because I am embarrassingly ignorant to the finer details of Israel and Palestine. And I’m only 40% sure that there are even basics to biochemistry. But I do know Chris Brown deleted his Twitter on Sunday. This is because we can’t stop paying attention to Chris Brown. I know we want Chris Brown to go away, but the 3 years since his 2009 arrest after beating his (ex?)-girlfriend Rihanna have proven that nothing will rid Chris Brown from our lives. In this way, Chris Brown is very much like genital herpes and the smell in my fridge that won’t go away because I threw out raw chicken way too late. It’s there. Lingering. Offending. Beating (my olfactory system into submission).

There have been surges of people calling for Brown’s Grammys to be taken away, for television to stop giving him air time, for radio stations to ban his music. We’ve been angry at the professional leniency the media has given Brown, and rightfully so. There’s no sense in getting angry. We tried that and it hasn’t worked. We can’t change this. So in lieu of going away, we get the second best thing that can happen to us: Chris Brown won’t stop making headlines. He’s punching out windows at Good Morning America and getting into fights with Drake at nightclubs in SoHo. He’s constantly being terrible all over the United States and it’s the best thing he could be doing for society. His constant erratic behavior is demonstrative of his irrecoverably flawed sense of what is moral and just. It serves as a consistent reminder that domestic abuse is not a one-time thing. Chris Brown didn’t make a bad choice, he’s a bad person.

So thank you for being you, Chris Brown. I can’t wait to hear about you biting off a baby kitten’s paw someday. It’s only the natural progression of your career’s trajectory.

Image via DeathandTaxesMag

  • Angelica Rodriguez

    Beautiful post is beautiful.

  • Karen Valenzuela

    Ahhh, a refreshing way to look at this situation. I like this. I’m going to borrow it from you. Thanks, Chris Brown!!!

  • Christine Sullivan

    Maybe HelloGiggles should be the first one to line-up and ACTUALLY stop writing about Chris Brown.
    Maybe we all need a Chris Brown infused Obliviate Charm.

  • Christine McQuaid

    Caragh Poh nails it again.

  • Bethany Dean

    Arse. That’s the only word to describe him.

  • Andrea Guzman

    Thank you Caragh Poh. Couldn’t have said it better myself. :)

  • Lindsey Walker

    Not to rush to the defense of Chris Brown, but I find it interesting that Jenny Johnson’s role in all of this gets downplayed. The fact that this grown women apparently just takes to twitter to make fun of these people leaves me uneasy. She’s not taking a stand against violence against women by attacking Chris Brown. In fact, nothing she said seemed to add anything remotely constructive to the dialogue that we should be having. Instead she continually said nasty things to Chris Brown on twitter, ostensibly to watch him have this reaction so that we again collectively say “Chris Brown is an asshole.” We know he’s an asshole. Johnson isn’t a crusader for justice or truth or awareness. She simply poked the bear and the bear made a fool of himself (again) and deleted a social media account. Nothing gained.

  • Ashley Lane-Guevara

    Personally I like Chris Brown. And this Jenny chick seems like a real B!tch. Of course hes not going anywhere. Everyone clearly knows hes an ass, hes never denied it either. I’m sure 90% of people talking sh!t about him are just as much of an asshole as he is. But their behaviors aren’t constantly being reported on news,media,and gossip sites, etc. People need to get over themselves already. If he was that bad people would not pay attention to him. Everyone just feeds into all the BS being served to them. He isn’t perfect and there are many many many more celebs who have done things much worse and received slaps on the wrist as well. Move on already and get a life, stop living through Hollywood and get a life.

    • Alle Connell

      Actually, no. I call Chris Brown an asshole all the time because his behaviour is assholish. That’s not talking sh!t, that’s repeating facts. If I, or anyone else here, were talking sh!t, we’d say that Chris Brown bit a snake at the Central Park Zoo or he dressed up in a red suit and told a bunch of kids there was no Santa. You know? We’d go big with it.

      However, your inference that “most people are just as jerky as Chris Brown” argument is flawed. I am not perfect, but I am nowhere near as jerky as he is. I have never beaten someone I was “in love” with, then gotten a tattoo that (no matter it’s provenance) LOOKS THE PHOTO of said beating. I’ve never gone on a crazy violent rage-tantrum and thrown a chair through a window. I’ve never gotten into a fight with another (more talented) artist at a bar. I’ve never worn a cruel, racist Halloween costume. And I’ve never insisted that my obvious problems with anger, with authority, with women, with other men, and with criticism are somehow actually THE WORLD’S FAULT rather than mine.

      Sometimes I make snarky jokes. Sometimes I don’t call my friends back as quickly as I should. Maybe that makes me a bit of an ass sometimes in the way that most people in the world are asses sometimes, but it does not put me–or 99% of people, really–on the same level as Chris Brown.

      • Jero Aguiar Juarez

        Well said. Thank you!!! Chris Brown fans are a bit delusional tbh.

  • Arnel Albayalde

    If Chris Brown the singer were Chris Brown the dude that I worked with and the following happened: (1) Beat girlfriend up before the employee of the month handing, (2) Went on a temper tantrum destroying the break room because I didn’t get the employee of the month award and (3) Fought with a co-worker over the employee of the month award because he didn’t deserve it, I’D BE CONSIDERED A PSYCHO and would be put in a padded room. But because this boy can sing, I guess, it’s OK to beat women, fight with other artists and throw childish temper tantrums. AND you wonder why the youth have no respect today.

  • Kristi Marie

    Some Chris Brown fans have threatened to kill her, so they’re in the same boat as him. People always say “the past is the past”, but you only have to study the past to see the future isn’t bright for Chris Brown. Ashley, comparing yourself and others to this guy won’t work. Most people do not behave this way, and they never have.

  • Aime Aguayo

    I strongly agree w/this post. We should be celebrating someones Good Willed actions, not if they get into a bar fight.

    All I can do for now is change the TV channel or turn of any electronic device & ignore it.

  • Christopher William Riordan

    Good article!

  • Katie Budabin

    Preach, sister friend.

  • Lacey Bradley

    “Chris Brown is very much like genital herpes and the smell in my fridge that won’t go away because I threw out raw chicken way too late. It’s there. Lingering. Offending. Beating (my olfactory system into submission).”

    I really enjoyed that – thank you.

  • Cecily Long

    Is it naive to believe that Chris assaulting Rihanna was an isolated incident and that he’s asked forgiveness from her and that she’s forgiven him, and that he served his time, and that the world should stop vilifying him? I mean really. I don’t condone domestic violence at all, but hating this man for the rest of your life seems like a waste of time, especially since you know nothing about him, beyond his public persona.

    As for the twitter thing, this woman has been non-stop bashing him for the past 4 years, he lost his temper. Should he have reacted the way he did, no, but you would too if someone was constantly attacking your character even when you’ve shown strives of changing your life.

    People shouldn’t be forced to carry the weight of past mistakes for the rest of their life. They should be allowed to move on and carry the lessons they’ve learned by helping others not make the same mistakes they did.

    I like Chris Brown and his music, and I think it was a brave thing for him to come forward accept his punishment and work hard to change his life. Not everyone is given that chance.

    • Katie Hayes

      I agree with every single word Caragh wrote- especially that he didn’t do a bad thing, he’s a bad person. I don’t believe he’s learned anything from his mistakes. I don’t want Chris Brown to feel a single moment of happiness for the rest of his life.

      Not every life has value. Chris Brown’s does not. He is a worthless person.

  • Frank Vasquez

    Boy you white people really don’t like Chris Brown.

    • Mary Bloom

      Good point, no one is bashing Roethlisberger after getting away with a third rape (white privilege?). African Americans are always doubly bashed compared to whites (think about it, there are plenty of examples). Otherwise, I agree with the article in the way that bad boys ruin it for themselves most times, and that Chris Brown sucks.

      • Marybeth Langdon

        Actually I’ve been saying for a while now that Roethlisburger should never be allowed to play professional football again… Anyone who treats another human being (or animal..looking at you Michael Vick) that horribly should not be in the spotlight as a person children can look up to, let alone get the benefits from their overstuffed paychecks. Chris Brown is a terrible person and keeps digging himself deeper. Maybe that’s a good thing like the article states, but he’s still a horrible person that needs serious time off away from the spotlight.

  • Anna Sowka

    Not to defend Chris Brown or anything, but while everyone is still obsessing over him and seems to think it’s their personal mission to bring him down Sean Penn, Charlie Sheen, Gary Oldman, Michael Fassbender and a slew of other women beaters are still well loved by the public with great careers. Hmm I wonder what the difference between Chris Brown and these guys is? I. Wonder.

    • Katie Hayes

      None of them have been as blatantly assholish about it as Chris Brown has, though. And none of them have so many people defending them.

      I really want Chris Brown to commit suicide. And yes, I really, truly mean that.

  • Yvan Zar Kasmos

    He is ocnstantly aggresive towards everybody and does all those bad stuff and he gets applauded because he’s a man…Lindsay Lohan is hated no matter what

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