Three weeks ago, I moved to a whole new place. I moved from Vancouver, BC, to Portland, Oregon. Since coming here, I’ve noticed that the kids are much, much different. I’m not quite sure if it’s a good or bad thing, but all I know is that I stand out. I’m not very normal in my group of friends. My weirdness is a blessing in disguise, although to my peers I pretend it’s a curse. Now, you may be wondering, “What makes you so different, Mikaela? You seem pretty cool and awesome to me.” Yes, those things are obviously, unmistakably and undeniably true. My problem is that I have issues with doing things that make me a teenager. I don’t want to get drunk, I don’t want to get high. I don’t like romantic situations in which a boy has to have some sort of physical contact with my body that goes beyond my limits.
For a while I’ve been oblivious to the fact that many of my classmates are getting high in their basements while their parents are at work, getting drunk at parties, even some having sex and other weird sexual things that make me want to pull my hair out. I know it’s just not me that is completely frightened by this stuff, right? Yes, it actually is. Even the kids who aren’t necessarily doing that stuff aren’t completely bothered. That’s what I’ve finally realized. That’s what’s normal for the kids here.
I am THE poster child for being a responsible teen. I’m not going to be a teen mother. I’m not going to be the girl who over dosed in 10th grade. I’m not going to be that drunk girl at the party. Adults may love that, and I sometimes love it too, but I also sometimes hate it. After many frustrating days at school where people are talking about boys or partying and not things I want to talk about, I’ve come to the realization that it is indeed me the one who is being weird, not them. I’m the immature little girl in middle school. I’m not anxiously awaiting my first kiss, I’m not hoping that I’ll be invited to a party where there’s alcohol. I’m avoiding all these things while my peers are looking forward to it. It makes me feel like I’m not normal and weird, but I’ve already embraced that awesome part of me. Sometimes, though, I wish I was just normal like everyone else, and I could just fit in.
Look. If I decided to have a boyfriend, I wouldn’t care about holding his hand or hugging him or even kissing him. Like I said, I don’t think boys have cooties. But I’m not going to full on make out with him the second we’re going out and secretly have sleepovers with him so we can do that stuff… I’m 13! I still haven’t completely gone through puberty! I still secretly play Toontown when I’m bored! I’m not a kid anymore, but I’m not a 25 year old woman. I don’t want to grow up too fast, so why should I be wasting my time doing stupid stuff when I could be doing more important things like writing for HelloGiggles? There’s honestly nothing cooler than that.
I think the reason why I’m so afraid of these things is because I constantly have to be in control. I need to know that everything is okay. Which makes me think: am I actually afraid of these things, or am I afraid of the day where I’m going to be offered these things? What’s going to happen in a few months when I enter 8th grade and the real parties start happening? Kids are going to be passing out and throwing up, and girls are eventually going to start getting pregnant. I think I’m just afraid of how I’m going to deal with it. How I’m going to tell someone “no thanks” to a drink without looking like a complete loser. How I’m going to tell my boyfriend that I’m just not ready to this and this and this without him thinking I’m immature. I’m smart enough to know to ignore these things like drinking, drugs and sex, but I don’t know if I’m smart enough to avoid it without looking weird. My current solution? Today at the dinner table, my Mom, my Grandmother and I thought of a grand master plan . Here’s the story: “I went to a wedding in November, I had a half a glass of champagne because everyone else did, and I had horrible alcohol poisoning. After going to the hospital, the doctor said I’m allergic to alcohol and probably should never ever drink it ever ever again. Although I’d love to drink just one beer, I can’t go against doctor’s orders!” Little will they know, I’m lying, and actually just afraid of alcohol!
As for the other things… still haven’t figured them out. Have any suggestions? Comments? Advice? Leave me a comment below or talk to me on my Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr! Thanks for reading!
Hi Mikaela!
I’m going to be completely honest with you. There’s a very good chance that when you’re in high school you will become curious. You will want to know what it’s like to drink and make out with boys. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Some people try to grow up too fast, and I personally believe that 13 years old is a great time for watching Wizards of Waverley Place and hanging out at the mall on a Friday night. You’re very mature for you age in comparison to your peers and it can make you feel like an outsider. One day every single one of them will realize what you know now. For now just do whatever it is that makes you feel good. You’re an amazing writer and I really enjoyed reading your article. Keep up the great work and you will see all your dreams come true.
xoxo
When I was your age I was in a very similar boat. It’s normal to not care about boys, drugs or drinking at 13! Heck, I avoided some parties in high school where I knew there was alcohol being served because when you do take the plunge … bad things in my experience did happen. I was 16 and I thought I was adult enough for boys and alcohol and now my sweet 16 is the worst memory I have to remember. Don’t feel pressured to grow up! You can have fun without alcohol, sex and drugs. If anything your real friends won’t give you grief because you don’t want to have sex or want to drink. It may kill your popularity. But when you do grow up and graduate from high school, you’ll realize being super popular doesn’t mean anything once you have entered the real world. Enjoy your childhood for as long as you can!
I’m prettu sure everyone has already covered this in their posts, but I was exactly the same as you at that age. Tbh, I didn’t have a bf until I was almost 18 (had my first kiss at 17!), never smoked, did not drink until I was 17/18, never touched drugs or went to parties with alcohol whilst at school. I felt like I was growing up at a slower pace than a lot of the kids in class, but I had a small group of friends and we all felt the same way about not growing up too quickly. Take your time and be yourself. Once you’ve made like minded friends you can have fun knowing you will turn out a well adjusted, mature adult
[...] http://hellogiggles.com/teenage-girl-problems-episode-4 [...]
My god, I’m 21 and wish I had that much self-respect. You are not weird, you’re simply wise beyond your years. I used to be the same way. Don’t view it as a flaw, it’s definitely a virtue. The fact that you are so willing to openly talk about your insecurities is also an admirable quality. You don’t need to involve yourself in any of the activities of your peers unless you are really being true to yourself.
I just got out of eighth grade, also in the Portland area, and it’s not as different from seventh grade as you think it’ll be. True, my junior high is in a more rural town than Portland, but there’s plenty of mischief here, too. Kids smoke pot or get drunk before dances or get caught with it at school frequently enough, but you won’t get sucked in if you’re not hanging out with the people that do it. My friends and I don’t really care about what goes on with that crowd, but we’re not at all involved with it, either. We’re not the most average kids in the school (or even slightly average), but we still manage to enjoy each others’ company. Never have we had problems with people bullying or disliking us, and we’re the ones that other kids turn to in class when they’re having trouble with the lesson. So, although we steer clear of the sex and minor substances that our classmates seem to take pleasure in, we have just as much fun, and we’re not alone in it. There’s always someone who shares or at least supports your standards and opinions. That’s who you hang out with when everyone else is being rebellious and skanky:)
Your excellent little rant there is exactly who I was 4 years ago. I am now a 21 year old working in advertising and so happy about who I was back when I was a kid, cause you know what it means for me now? I’m not a stupid adult that can’t get a job. I’m not a stupid girl who got stuck with a baby leading me to a series of dead end hourly jobs. Life is life, enjoy your life the way it suits you girl. Also, I am jealous of you – I love in Vancouver, BC right now and I am just DYING to one day live in Portland, OR – hope it’s not too bad!
Enjoy life & remember, 21 is just around the corner, and it’s gonna’ be killer. 
My grammar is terrible and does not represent my intellect.
**- I “live” in Vancouver, BC** … had to correct that!
I was exactly like you when I was your age. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. You’re probably smarter than most of those kids!
You could just say you’re Straight Edge: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straight_edge
I know this isn’t worth much, but you will find friends that agree with you. Stay strong.
It’s pretty understandable what you’re going through. I think of it as part of puberty..as a part of changing from being a kid to an adolescent(i think). I was like you 4 year ago..now I’m 17, and soon you will be, you will embrace what makes you different from others..when i was you, i think of stuff like that too and still am now. It’s not bad to be the responsible teenager-that’s only normal. No one should tell you you’re weird for not having these feelings like others have. I am, too, like you. Even though I’m 17, I don’t drink (well maybe i take a sip..yeah that’s right..a sip or two, of alcoholic drinks, but never beer)..I don’t do drugs and don’t even have a boyfriend. I think there will be a time for that somewhere in the future:)). I don’t really think about that cos 17 is just one year away of making the right choices that will settle me for my future securely(if that makes sense). So in my case, I’m really concentrating on studies. Just find the friends who understands what you’re going through..Like my friends-they’re very understanding about the choices I make(like not going to a party with them when I know there are going to be drunk teenagers eventually); that I’m the “goody-two-shoes” (sorry if the spelling’s wrong)in my group of friends:) It’s healthy to have those kinds of friends, and also family, who understand your situation. I’m not saying that you should isolate yourself from everyone else..you could still have fun and do the stuff teenagers do(only when it is right). and lastly, you’ll get through this:)<3
I was like you when I was younger as well, and my parents always told me that I was the more mature one. I kind of clung to that, and to this day I believe it to be true. You’ll have time for these things, if you want to, later in life. Don’t let anyone push you, you are a strong girl!
Hahaha! You remind me a little of myself. I kind of wish that I’m allergic to alcohol too. My parents and my older sister are all allergic to alcohol and unfortunately (or fortunately?) I’m not. I don’t really know how I feel about that, but I’ll probably pretend that I’m allergic anyway just so I could avoid all that trouble. I’m sure you’ll be able to course through life without touching drugs alcohol or whatnot. Just have some self control and dignity and you’ll be great. Never mind if you’ll look weird because, honestly, life is filled with weird and awkward moments. It’s life. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Great writing by the way
Keep it up!
Mikaela, you rock! I honestly remember having the same exact thoughts. Not being afraid of saying “no” to things I didn’t want to engage in but not knowing how to do it in a “cool” way.
I’ve leant that saying “nah, no, no thanks, etc.” is cool because it’s your choice.
Fortunately I can assure you that living your life the way you want to live it and avoiding drugs, alcohol, smoking, and sexual stuff is the way to go at your age! These things may not be bad in and of themselves but at your age they may prohibit your ability to reach goals and develop!
I waited until I was at the legal age to try a glass of wine and a cigar (once!) and actually waited to have sex until my wedding night (my husband was so grateful and it was special). Now that I’m 22 I enjoy a cocktail once in awhile (I’ve chosen never to get drunk) and love the freedom of choice. You will have plenty of time to decide what you want to do when you’re older in regards to these things but until now enjoy being a kid and spend time developing in other ways.
High fives for strawberry lemonade!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- YOU ARE AWESOME. Not being a regular stupid teenager does not make you an immature eighth grader- it makes you more mature than the rest of your grade. As you said, it will be hard to get through school being smarter than everyone else- and that’s going to suck. But you’re busy working on your life- your resume is already pretty impressive! You’ll be the girl that befriends the kids who get bullied or feel left out, because you are a kind, good person.
But I will admit that when you said “25 year old woman” it freaked me out. I am nearly 25 and definitely do NOT feel like a woman! So there, everyone goes at their own pace, and when you are graduated from college with an incredible job and your peers are taking care of 10 year old children, you’ll be pretty stoked that you were able to live above their influence (hey! I’m a commercial now!)
YOU GO, GIRL!
Hey, I used to be just like you when I was in middle school. Don’t ever feel pressured to do things you aren’t ready to and don’t worry about the rest of the people around you. They will soon discover that they’ll have much bigger regrets than you will. I know a lot has changed since my time and yours and I realize a lot of middle school kids are in a hurry to grow up, but you have the right mind set. Growing up isn’t as great as everyone thinks, and getting a boyfriend or drinking isn’t the best thing ever. I still feel the same way in College, but trust me there will always be at least one person who shares in your thoughts. Just keep your values and your beliefs strong and you’ll make it out okay.
I was totally the same way . . . stick by your guns. Friends will like you for you not because you were doing a keg stand at a party last weekend. That fact is that shit is not important. It’s not important as a teen and it really is not important as an adult – I have friends who still like to go out every weekend and get drunk . . . at least I have the excuse that I’m old and married
The phrase I’d always use when I got fed up with my classmates going nuts all the time was “Whatever. I can have that good of a time and drink Cocacola, and not feel completely miserable the morning”. Stand strong for who you are, and believe me, it may not feel like those friends are watching what you do in a good way, but they wish they could have the same amount of strength as you to also stand for what’s right. Keep it up!
It’s totally normal and fine to be the responsible teenager. I was just like you. I didn’t drink, do drugs, or have sex when I was a teenager. Just stay true to yourself, and you will find people who fit along with you.
It’s really refreshing to see a young girl who has her head on straight. When I was in high school I was also the same way. There has been a lot of great advice posted in the comments section here. Take your time to find the people that you can truly feel yourself around and that won’t pressure you to do the things you don’t want to. Stay strong and stay true to what you think is right. As you can see, you aren’t as weird as you think!
Don’t be too concerned about it. I was the same way in middle school, although my experiences weren’t as extreme as yours. (Maybe it’s just the states?
) Although now that I’m sixteen, I have the issue of people having sex, drinking, drugs, etc. But the thing that I’ve learned is that as long as you are comfortable with what you’ve chosen as your boundaries, people won’t pressure you into it too much. My friends know what their limits are, and although my limits are much farther than theirs, they respect that. I know it sounds cheesy but when you just say “no” and just don’t care about it, people realise that it’s dumb for them to keep trying to change your views. And if they do? Wait it out, and know that when you get to high school, there are more kinds of people and you’ll meet them all. Try to do some things outside of school that aren’t just socially based. Like violin, theatre, improv, or some kind of sport. You’ll be happy for the change of scenery.