Teenage WastelandTeenage Girl Problems: Episode 2Mikaela Foster

I’m 13, so obviously I don’t know much about boys and relationships and all that. I’ve been in a relationship only once my whole life (if you’re not counting the boyfriend you have in kindergarten, because if you are then I guess you could say I’ve been in two). Not to say he was a real boyfriend, though; we made physical contact once (we hugged for two seconds before he ran away) and we went on one date. Regardless, I do know a thing or two about boys that most girls my age don’t know.

The boys don’t treat girls with respect at my school. And to me, its unattractive when a boy is mean. There will be this really hot attractive guy that I’ve noticed, but the second he does something really mean or disrespectful, especially directed to a girl, he’s ugly in my eyes. And he always will be. The reality of today’s generation of girls, though, is that it doesn’t even matter how a boy acts, or his personality, or even if hes a good person, he just needs to be hot, most of the time. A girl is lucky if the attractive guy she choses to date just happens to be a good person too, but come on. He can’t always have it all.

One girl at my school is constantly picked on by the guys about stuffing her bra. The stupid thing about it is that she doesn’t even do it, but she still gets picked on. Once, a boy left some tissues on her desk and said, “I think you dropped these.” It’s really nosy and perverted that the guys do this to her but the annoying thing is that her boyfriend is one of the boys that does it. When I asked him why hes not defending her, considering she’s his girlfriend, his reply was, “It’s not my job to defend her.” Uhhh, yeah, it kind of is? Whats the point in having a boyfriend if he cares more about being cool than you? Most girls don’t get that, though. Its all about having the hot boyfriend. It may be making some girls jealous, but it’s not affecting me.

Picking on a girl for stuffing her bra is bullying. So is boys calling girls sluts, whores and making fun of their appearance. You’d think with all the bullying awareness and bullying prevention assemblies they have, that schools would be more sensitive to this subject. When my mom went to the principal with this, the FEMALE principal said, “Oh, well, boys will be boys.” All across Canada it’s “Pink Shirt Day”. It’s the anti-bullying day where everyone in the school wears pink against bullying. Our school celebrated Pink Shirt Day. Everyone wore pink shirts and we had an assembly about bullying. So why isn’t my school enforcing what they’re saying is bad?

I DON’T UNDERSTAND! What happened?! Did girls lose their entire self respect? Didn’t woman fight for their rights? If we did, why are girls letting boys walk all over us? I’m pretty sick and tired of being treated badly by boys. I can count the amount of guys in my grade that have never once said anything mean to me on one hand. What happened to being a gentleman? Instead of holding the door open for a girl today, he’ll purposely close the door in her face. I’d like to sit down some of the boys in my grade and make them watch a few Ryan Gosling movies to show them how to treat a girl. Everyone says that when a boy is mean to a girl it means he likes her. Its so annoying! I’m not sure if a guy thinks it’s the only way to get a girls attention or they’re all just assholes, but to call her a slut or a whore, or comment on her appearance is not “cute”. I’d rather if a boy liked me to actually get to know me, and treat me like a person.

Main Image Via: Maybe I’m addicted

comments

Please help us maintain positive conversations by refraining from posting spam, advertisements, and links to other websites or blogs. we reserve the right to remove your comment if it does not adhere to these guidelines. thanks! post a comment.

  1. omg so good

  2. Mikaela… I have to say that I often think back to when I was your age and the horrible things I saw people do to one another and wish I had been brave enough to step up and do or say something about it… though I know is the short term it could have made my school life Hell… I know that I would have been being true to myself and that is somehting you never regret later in life. That question as to why the school is not practicing what it preaches about bullying is a really good question to pose to the principal.

  3. This is how I wish every 13 year old girl would think. You are awesome and wise beyond your years. Boys were the same when I was 13 and honestly, some didn’t change. Some did though! Some maturity only comes with experience. Keep your chin up because things will change. Some of those boys will get some sense knocked into them. For now, keep speaking out! I wish I had a friend like you when I was 13. You get it.

  4. You are a very wise 13 year old for sure, but I think you should also remember that! You are 13 and far too young to be using the language that you do. It seems you are strongly opinionated about this issue, a very good thing, and maybe you can knock some sense into these girls! Cheers for this article, except for your potty mouth.

  5. Here, here! This was a fantastic post! To the few people that had something negative to say about this–shame on you. She’s calling it how she sees it and like so many others have pointed out, she’s not in any way making this a one-sided argument. This isn’t an “anti-boy” tirade. It’s an article about bullying but more importantly about respect. Respect for each other and respect for yourself. There isn’t any finger pointing going on here but merely an observation of her peers–which is, for her at 13–the bigger picture. And c’mon…this isn’t just in middle school…it’s everywhere. I’m no parent (and quite frankly I have no desire to ever be one) but this young lady deserves applause for being able to articulate this inherent flaw in socialization and stand up for what she knows is right.

  6. Can someone block @Tracy? It seems to me that his ideology does not at all align with that of HelloGiggles and he should not be able to share hateful thoughts that promote such backward notions. Especially on a very mature and well-written article by a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL. She GETS IT. She deserves only positive affirmation and a pat on the back for being so insightful.

  7. What I don’t get is the argument about how society conditions boys to act this way. Isn’t bad behavior, just bad behavior? If a guy is an asshole, or a girl is bitchy, it doesn’t really matter why. We should be teaching our children to have the strength of character and integrity to treat other with respect and dignity because that is the right thing to do, not because it will gain you some sort of tangible reward. What happened to being a decent human being because that’s the decent thing to do?
    I just recently ended a relationship with a guy because he was a jerk, and he seemed genuinely surprised when I stood up for myself when he treated me poorly. He couldn’t quite grasp that, regardless of his “reasons,” I still deserved respect and I wouldn’t stand for not receiving respect. The fact that a 13 year old girl gets it better than this 25 year old guy is really quite sad, but at least she provides hope for the next generation of women. Rock on, girlfriend!

  8. Mikaela….you are incredibly strong. I wish I’d been as strong when I was 13. Major, major props to HelloGiggles for allowing intelligent young girls like yourself and Ruby post articles like this for other girls to read. Your words are DEFINITELY necessary and I hope you pass wisdom such as this on to the girls in your classes. I think they need to hear them. Women of all ages need to hear them. Great, great job. I credit your parents with amazing upbringing.

  9. You’re a step ahead of most 20 year olds I know!

  10. It is really sad to this. I will do my best as a mother to teach my sons what it means to be a gentlemen. Hopefully my teachings about integrity will also keep them from giving to stupid behavior because they’re around their friends and dont want to get picked on for acting differently. Dads play a big part in this too! Boys will do what they see at home. If dad is a gentleman the son will grow up learnig from his actions.
    Bullying is an epidemic! I am afraid to send my children to school. It’s getting so bad…
    Good for you Mikaela for recognizing what’s right… for using your brain ;)

  11. You are so right. Great article :)

  12. This is pathetic. Girls and women kill me with that mentality and at the age she is, it shows that the younger generation of girls are just as stupid as their older counterparts. Men don’t HAVE to be nice to you. We don’t HAVE to treat you with respect. You earn respect. It doesn’t come naturally just because you have a vagina between your legs. It’s easy to point the finger at males and say they are shallow and rude, yet women choose to only date a guy because he’s “hot” or he’ll treat her like a little princess. It goes both ways. honey. 50/50.

    I’m not trying be come off as a person who hates women. I just hate it when girls/women say things that make them come off as hypocritical.

    Many girls/women do come off as slutty because of their actions. Not because they are women. If a chick is walking about with a short skirt with her butt hanging out with no panties…and god-forbid some guy calls her a whore for doing such, apparently he’s rude and a douche-bag. Apparently that’s ‘bullying’. Yet, women go around calling guys assholes and ugly, but it’s perfectly fine. Again, it goes both ways, sweetie.

    • Wow. Its unfortunate you are so negative about this article. It seems you missed the part where she said she wishes girls would smarten up about the choices they make in guys. While people should earn respect from others there should be a natural degree of respect automatically given simply because the person is a PERSON. The way you say that girls need to EARN respect makes it sound as if they can be treated however you want to treat them until they earn your respect. So you can treat them like crap until you decide they deserve your respect…if that’s what you think then I feel sorry for you. We all deserve respect…automatic respect for a human being is not earned…its expected. The problem with people and some young children these days is ideas like that…that respect isn’t automatically given but earned. Wrong. That exact idea is why so many people treat others with such amazing DISrespect. Its sad really and I feel sorry for you that you have such a negative view on respect and on women. How would you feel if the tables were turned and men were treated as disrespectfully just because women felt like they could?

  13. so true, loved it! This has been like this for a while.. it’s time for it to change!
    You tell them Mikaela! I hope it can reach as many people as possible!!

  14. yes.

  15. Well this is a very well written and insightful post! Very impressive! If I offer the other side; I can tell you this; the guys act this way because the girls put up with it. Not only put up with it, but expect it and respond to it. Guys will not do anything that they know will turn girls off. That’s one thing that has never changed and won’t ever. The dynamic you’re seeing is an extreme case of “Nice Guys Finish Last”. The guys learned this and that’s why they act this way.

  16. Hey Vancouver girl! It is so nice to hear this insight from you. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like things have changed too much since I was in high school 8 years ago. Some people crave attention, whether it is positive or negative. It also seems like there is a lot of power struggle going on, and remember that these boys are doing it as much to earn the respect of each other than they are to be mean to girls. You seem like you have a really strong head on your shoulders and I’m so glad that you disapprove of this activity. I still see stuff like this all the time. Please don’t ever let a guy treat you this way and get away with it. You are entitled to command respect of your own!

  17. I agree with Tamara. It does go both ways. Just last year I had to tell my (then) 9 year old boy that the girl bully in his class was only teasing him mercilessly because she liked him… Then I found out she was also hitting him. Oh how I would have liked to have a word with her parents! Skip forward to this year. Both my boys (10 and 12, whom I would like to think would be on your one hand) have told me that the majority of the boys in their class are jerks. In fact, they have told me that only 2 or 3 of all the boys in their respective grades (about 20 boys each grade, so 10-15%) are not part of the “in gang” that are complete asses with everyone. Although my boys would like to be part of the in crowd, I thank my lucky stars that, because they’re not, they seem to have remained the sweethearts that I am proud of.

    • not at all judging here but as soon as i read your post it hit me that “he only treats you like crap because he likes you” is a message we often give our kids and while it might be true in an immature kid sense of trying to get someone’s attention it’s important not to let them carry that contradiction into adulthood… too many women… and men too… learn that attention means love and that if either or both of you feels strong emotions (even if mostly negative ones) that means you love each other. I think that when my boys get to that age I will try to somehow amend te “she’s only picking on you because she likes you” message somehow.

  18. (26/f here)
    I wish I knew why girls demean themselves to date jerks. I really don’t understand what has happened in recent decades that have led to this unfortunate trend of female self-deprecating. I have seen my girl friends date alcoholics that cheat on them and hit them and generally treat them like crap – and when I ask why do they stay, they say “he’s all I have.” It’s definitely a well-known cycle of abuse, and it seems to be starting at a younger age every year.
    Granted, some of your experiences could be chalked up just to the age and immaturity of these boys, but I understand your concern for the overall deterioration of respecting women and treating them well.
    Jerks get by with their looks, but so do some women. I think maybe a lot of it has to do with the exploitation of sex and women the media and fashion, but that is not new, either. I see a common trend in commercials about the man being the stupid one, and the woman being the bitchy, smart-alec to him, treating him like a dumb child. So we see the women talking down to men more and more on TV, while the opposite is happening in real life for many women.
    I, too, wish that guys would act right and have integrity and respect for the women they want to date – or any woman for that matter – but I think the ultimate reason boils down to how they think about the value of a woman, which is her looks and sex appeal, not her personality or her intelligence. It’s sad, honestly. No wonder I’m single.

  19. You can re-write this article from another perspective. To many boys and even men, it only matters if the girl they’re with is attractive. It works both ways. You will see a lot of this in high school. Many people in this world have a dearth of intelligence or redeeming qualities besides their looks, and fortunately this gets better with age, but not always. All I can say is it gets better! When you start attending a university you will find a plethora of respectable males and females alike, good and wonderful things come from an education.

  20. Young miss, you may only be 13 years of age, but this single article from you has gained more of my respect than most people can get over the course of a year. You have shown wisdom and intelligence and independent thinking that appears to surpass some of those twice your age, regardless of gender. Keep thinking like this. It can serve you well in your life if you use it well.