Teenage Wasteland

Teenage Girl Problems: Episode 2

I’m 13, so obviously I don’t know much about boys and relationships and all that. I’ve been in a relationship only once my whole life (if you’re not counting the boyfriend you have in kindergarten, because if you are then I guess you could say I’ve been in two). Not to say he was a real boyfriend, though; we made physical contact once (we hugged for two seconds before he ran away) and we went on one date. Regardless, I do know a thing or two about boys that most girls my age don’t know.

The boys don’t treat girls with respect at my school. And to me, its unattractive when a boy is mean. There will be this really hot attractive guy that I’ve noticed, but the second he does something really mean or disrespectful, especially directed to a girl, he’s ugly in my eyes. And he always will be. The reality of today’s generation of girls, though, is that it doesn’t even matter how a boy acts, or his personality, or even if hes a good person, he just needs to be hot, most of the time. A girl is lucky if the attractive guy she choses to date just happens to be a good person too, but come on. He can’t always have it all.

One girl at my school is constantly picked on by the guys about stuffing her bra. The stupid thing about it is that she doesn’t even do it, but she still gets picked on. Once, a boy left some tissues on her desk and said, “I think you dropped these.” It’s really nosy and perverted that the guys do this to her but the annoying thing is that her boyfriend is one of the boys that does it. When I asked him why hes not defending her, considering she’s his girlfriend, his reply was, “It’s not my job to defend her.” Uhhh, yeah, it kind of is? Whats the point in having a boyfriend if he cares more about being cool than you? Most girls don’t get that, though. Its all about having the hot boyfriend. It may be making some girls jealous, but it’s not affecting me.

Picking on a girl for stuffing her bra is bullying. So is boys calling girls sluts, whores and making fun of their appearance. You’d think with all the bullying awareness and bullying prevention assemblies they have, that schools would be more sensitive to this subject. When my mom went to the principal with this, the FEMALE principal said, “Oh, well, boys will be boys.” All across Canada it’s “Pink Shirt Day”. It’s the anti-bullying day where everyone in the school wears pink against bullying. Our school celebrated Pink Shirt Day. Everyone wore pink shirts and we had an assembly about bullying. So why isn’t my school enforcing what they’re saying is bad?

I DON’T UNDERSTAND! What happened?! Did girls lose their entire self respect? Didn’t woman fight for their rights? If we did, why are girls letting boys walk all over us? I’m pretty sick and tired of being treated badly by boys. I can count the amount of guys in my grade that have never once said anything mean to me on one hand. What happened to being a gentleman? Instead of holding the door open for a girl today, he’ll purposely close the door in her face. I’d like to sit down some of the boys in my grade and make them watch a few Ryan Gosling movies to show them how to treat a girl. Everyone says that when a boy is mean to a girl it means he likes her. Its so annoying! I’m not sure if a guy thinks it’s the only way to get a girls attention or they’re all just assholes, but to call her a slut or a whore, or comment on her appearance is not “cute”. I’d rather if a boy liked me to actually get to know me, and treat me like a person.

Main Image Via: Maybe I’m addicted

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=65800494 Meredith Bagdazian

    Excellent post, Mikaela! Girls should never put up with being treated that way, and guys get away with it because a lot of girls (and grown women) do put up with it. Some of those boys may grow up to be strong, nice men, but a lot of them won’t. Just make sure that you remember everything you wrote here and hold out for a good one who treats you the way you deserve!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Ljgb82 Laura Brennan

    It’s sad Mikaela, that I am almost 30, and I know women my age, and men my age that haven’t figured out what you, at the age of 13, are smart and self-assured enough to know! A little while ago I asked an old friend if she was dating anyone, and she said yes…and I quote….”He’s an ass, but he is so hot!” REALLY!?!?!

    I look forward to reading more of your posts!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1300910295 Steve Lane

    I don’t think this can be taken literally, especially “I can count the amount of guys in my grade that have never once said anything mean to me on one hand.” If true, this would be really, really sad.

    Assuming the post is at least mostly-true, and you don’t want to wait for someone to pressure the boys to change, look to “today’s generation of girls.” If girls are now basing who they date 100% on the attractiveness of boys and 0% on their behavior, then girls are part of the blame. The girls that date are giving boys no extra reason to be nice (though they should be nice anyway). And they are being almost as mean to the nice boys as you say boys are to girls, by refusing to date them unless they’re “hot.”

    You could make positive change happen by dating, or encouraging your friends to date, the nice boys.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1629880826 Shane Mabrey

    I’d recommend some psychology of gender to you, or some gender communication studies. Its easy to pick on boys and say the way they “should” be but you are part of a larger picture young lady. Us guys are socialized to act his way, it is both “normal” and accepted behavior. We as humans create the society and reality we live in and pointing your finger at anyone that has a penis is a bit biased as the poster above me mentioned. Girls reward the bad behavior and are attracted to the assholes and the “good looking” guys. Girls don’t go for the guy with the stellar GPA, trust me on this one. The first place you go wrong with your article is to place blame on a gender instead of society and culture. It is not nature, it is not nurture, but an interaction of both of these forces that create who we are. People are individuals, each responsible for their own behavior. Good and bad people exist across all spectrums of race and gender. “Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for”. ~ Bob Marley

    • http://www.facebook.com/candicemacneale Candice MacNeale Lazecky

      I think that she was pretty clear about wishing the girls at her school would smarten up as well. She’s 13! She doesn’t need to see, what in your opinion, is the “bigger picture”. All she needs to know is that some people are nice, and some people aren’t. Too many people blame society for all of our problems, but we, as the grown up’s are the ones that need to teach our kids differently. If you had/have a son, are you just going to blame any bad behavior on “boys being boys”? Or are you going to use the opportunity to teach your children, girl or boy, how to be a good person?

      Try not to take out your personal problem, with the ladies who have done you wrong, on a 13 year old;)

    • http://www.facebook.com/cassandra.sottile Cassandra Sottile

      Mikaela you are one of the smartest 13 year olds ive ever seen. Don’t listen to cynical critics. Only to Taylor Swift. And her song “Mean” ..that’s my personal opinion and advice. You’re great keep it up girl!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1294773404 Brian Stanley

    Brilliant! This is the second article I’ve read in a row that was written by a girl who sounds like the person I’d like my little girls to grow up to be. You are absolutely right to feel the way you do. You hold out for the boys who are smart and decent enough to realize how to treat a young lady. You may not get as many dates (these sorts of guys can often be shy–you may have to do some work to help them feel confident enough to ask you out, as they’re seeing what’s going on and assuming that girls want guys like that and not guys like them–or you can just ask them out yourself (sorry, forgot this is the 21st century for a second there.).)

    Oh, and @Shane: When something is wrong in the world, you don’t fix it by shrugging and saying, “Oh, that’s just how it is.” You fix it by standing up for how the world should be. In her article, Mikaela clearly identifies both boys and girls as part of the problem, and she is doing the right thing by (figuratively) standing up and saying, “This isn’t right.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/candicemacneale Candice MacNeale Lazecky

      Thank you for being a parent! Great to have you on the team:)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001854596154 Engelin Frei

    Well said @Brian!!! I was just about to point out the same thing. Guys like @Shane want to continue that behaviour and not be judged about it, so he felt the need to deffend his gender, and I get it. But he really needs to read the whole article well because, Mikaela very well states that it’s not just the guys but the girls also, she isn’t blaming just one gender, here.

    Great article, Mikaela, and congratulations on seeing this sort of things as they are at such a young age, and for not letting yourself to be bullied into this same behaviour!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/marcelle.karp Marcelle Ruby Karp

    Sometimes adults just don’t understand Mikeala. It sucks to not feel safe. It sucks to not have someone hear you when you say, “step off.” It sucks when you ask someone to stop being a d-word that they laugh at you and don’t stop. Not every person can stand up for themselves but we have to keep trying. Every day. All we can do is stick to our guns. I’m behind you a million percent. Even more.

    • http://m-i-k-a-e-l-a.tumblr.com mikaela

      thank youuu so much! 😀 can’t wait for MARCH!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ana24lugo Ana Lugo

    Don’t worry about a thing, Mikaela… you’re already doing better than most 25 year olds I know!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=600688950 Janet Satherley

    I wish I was as smart as you when I was 13! Hell, I wish I was this insightful now and I’m 25!

  • http://www.facebook.com/marylucas93 Mary Lucas

    Great article, well done Mikaela :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/candicemacneale Candice MacNeale Lazecky

    You, Mikaela, are going to be a wonderful woman one day:)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001809874712 Dashe Ramsey

    Real talk. You’re going to get older and find that it still holds true. Dont let the bastards get you down though.

    Hope for humanity +1.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=659948341 Oliver Woodcock

    Young miss, you may only be 13 years of age, but this single article from you has gained more of my respect than most people can get over the course of a year. You have shown wisdom and intelligence and independent thinking that appears to surpass some of those twice your age, regardless of gender. Keep thinking like this. It can serve you well in your life if you use it well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/buch.tamara Tamara Buch

    You can re-write this article from another perspective. To many boys and even men, it only matters if the girl they’re with is attractive. It works both ways. You will see a lot of this in high school. Many people in this world have a dearth of intelligence or redeeming qualities besides their looks, and fortunately this gets better with age, but not always. All I can say is it gets better! When you start attending a university you will find a plethora of respectable males and females alike, good and wonderful things come from an education.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lisathecat Lisa Ogrodowicz

    (26/f here)
    I wish I knew why girls demean themselves to date jerks. I really don’t understand what has happened in recent decades that have led to this unfortunate trend of female self-deprecating. I have seen my girl friends date alcoholics that cheat on them and hit them and generally treat them like crap – and when I ask why do they stay, they say “he’s all I have.” It’s definitely a well-known cycle of abuse, and it seems to be starting at a younger age every year.
    Granted, some of your experiences could be chalked up just to the age and immaturity of these boys, but I understand your concern for the overall deterioration of respecting women and treating them well.
    Jerks get by with their looks, but so do some women. I think maybe a lot of it has to do with the exploitation of sex and women the media and fashion, but that is not new, either. I see a common trend in commercials about the man being the stupid one, and the woman being the bitchy, smart-alec to him, treating him like a dumb child. So we see the women talking down to men more and more on TV, while the opposite is happening in real life for many women.
    I, too, wish that guys would act right and have integrity and respect for the women they want to date – or any woman for that matter – but I think the ultimate reason boils down to how they think about the value of a woman, which is her looks and sex appeal, not her personality or her intelligence. It’s sad, honestly. No wonder I’m single.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=689175279 Sara Champagne Virgo

    I agree with Tamara. It does go both ways. Just last year I had to tell my (then) 9 year old boy that the girl bully in his class was only teasing him mercilessly because she liked him… Then I found out she was also hitting him. Oh how I would have liked to have a word with her parents! Skip forward to this year. Both my boys (10 and 12, whom I would like to think would be on your one hand) have told me that the majority of the boys in their class are jerks. In fact, they have told me that only 2 or 3 of all the boys in their respective grades (about 20 boys each grade, so 10-15%) are not part of the “in gang” that are complete asses with everyone. Although my boys would like to be part of the in crowd, I thank my lucky stars that, because they’re not, they seem to have remained the sweethearts that I am proud of.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jessica.conifer Jessica Conifer

      not at all judging here but as soon as i read your post it hit me that “he only treats you like crap because he likes you” is a message we often give our kids and while it might be true in an immature kid sense of trying to get someone’s attention it’s important not to let them carry that contradiction into adulthood… too many women… and men too… learn that attention means love and that if either or both of you feels strong emotions (even if mostly negative ones) that means you love each other. I think that when my boys get to that age I will try to somehow amend te “she’s only picking on you because she likes you” message somehow.

  • http://www.facebook.com/KellieIrvine Kellie Irvine

    Hey Vancouver girl! It is so nice to hear this insight from you. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like things have changed too much since I was in high school 8 years ago. Some people crave attention, whether it is positive or negative. It also seems like there is a lot of power struggle going on, and remember that these boys are doing it as much to earn the respect of each other than they are to be mean to girls. You seem like you have a really strong head on your shoulders and I’m so glad that you disapprove of this activity. I still see stuff like this all the time. Please don’t ever let a guy treat you this way and get away with it. You are entitled to command respect of your own!

  • http://www.facebook.com/setbro72 Seth Brown

    Well this is a very well written and insightful post! Very impressive! If I offer the other side; I can tell you this; the guys act this way because the girls put up with it. Not only put up with it, but expect it and respond to it. Guys will not do anything that they know will turn girls off. That’s one thing that has never changed and won’t ever. The dynamic you’re seeing is an extreme case of “Nice Guys Finish Last”. The guys learned this and that’s why they act this way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ashleynalvarez Ashley Alvarez

    yes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1029052453 Paula M. Moncho Esteve

    so true, loved it! This has been like this for a while.. it’s time for it to change!
    You tell them Mikaela! I hope it can reach as many people as possible!!

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