Pet PeevesTake a TwentyDavid Dean

Take a twenty means to chill, nap it out, take a break and to just all around get out of our/your/my space for bit. It’s like when your friend is getting a little annoying or just a little too much and you say, “Hey friend, take a twenty.” (You may also substitute friend with bro, bruh, pal, dude, homie, buddy or even man. I mean, I don’t know you, I don’t know how you talk!) See, now I need to take a twenty.

1. Ryan Gosling Everything

Not him, just everything else. Dedicated Tumblr pages, memes, GIFs, Pinterest boards and for the love of God, Ryan Gosling poetry.

2. ESPN

The afternoon ESPN slot has turned into a duplicated, same subject matter spoken from different mouths mess. 1st and 10, Best of Mike & Mike, Numbers Never Lie, Highly Questionable, Around the Horn, Pardon the Interruption, Sportsnation. These are all – and I’m not overstating things here – the exact same show talking about the exact same things. They don’t even try to hide; the topics of each show are the same in the beginning, middle and end. Please, all of you, take a long twenty.

3. Progressive Insurance Girl

She is called “Flo” and she is taking over our televisions, minds and quite possibly the world. I’ve even wondered what she’s like, if this is what her life is and always will be. Does she still go on other auditions? Is the real person who plays “Flo” maybe turning into “Flo”? See, I worry too much.

4. Loud Sighs At The Self-Checkout

We know, we’re all JUST AS ANNOYED AS YOU. But for some reason, the robot keeps telling me things about my basket and my food. I’m surprised it doesn’t shout out, “Add just a few more items and you’ll be overdrafted.” Do you think your heavy sighing and coughing makes me feel better? Makes any of this go any faster? And what are you doing at a grocery store only buying gum anyways? Take twenty, rude self-checkout heavy sighers.

5. Deciding On Where To Eat

Seriously, make up your mind, you indecisive maniac (or ex-girlfriend – either one works). “What sounds good to you?” “No, what sounds good to you?” “I heard that place on 6th just opened and has great Chinese food” “So do you want to do that?” “I don’t feel like Chinese food”. Everyone ever involved in this kind of conversation, take a twenty.

6. Fiscal Cliff

I know we should all care; it’s on every source of news all the time, and it’s a big deal. And props to the person who came up with the phrase “fiscal cliff” – she should have copyrighted that s**t. Here is the news that’s being reported by every station and source: John Boehner won’t budge. President Obama won’t budge. Luckily, the president won. Great, now you’re caught up. Take a 20, Fiscal, until you have some real s**t to report on.

7. Instagraming Photos Of Your Pet

JK, obviously. I love seeing your pet. But taking photos of your animal needs to take, like a ten. Slow your roll, proud pet owners.

Image via ShutterStock

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  1. This post is the story of my life. (being disgruntled by seemingly average things that is)
    Synonymic phrases include one from my parents that should be recycled into vernacular, the good ole “WHALE OFF, (bro, brah, buddy, man, dude, laday, chiquita, what-have-you)”