Misogynist SoupSuper Cute Servant Scapegoats, The Relevance Of Virginity, and Rick SantorumCézanne Colvin

To make this week’s Misogynist Soup, you will need the following ingredients:

- An obedient wife. (Spoiler alert: You should be one!)
- A virginity check. (A broken alarm clock is an allowable substitution, considering they’re both as useful.)
- Rick Santorum. Or an alien. (You’ll see.)

Ready? Let’s get started!

THE BROTH

“I thought we already established that this was kind of the worst idea ever, but whatever.”
Photo via Unreel.

Good news, girls! The problems with your marriage (and, as a consequence, the world) are totally fixable. The bad news is we’re the problem, according to the “Obedient Wives Club,” a group of 800 or so Malaysian Muslim women.

Confused? Maybe physician and vice president of the club, Rohayah Mohamad can clear things up: To prevent their husbands from being unfaithful, wives really need to get it together and “obey, serve, and entertain” their dudes. More importantly, disobedient wives are the cause for upheaval in this world because, if you’re following along with this logic trainwreck, women’s lack of complete submission really messes with men’s heads. “We have ignored it in our marriages, but it’s all down to sex. A good wife is a good sex worker to her husband,” she said. But sadly, “when husbands come home, wives do not welcome their husbands with warm alluring smiles and sexy dressing.”

The pieces are finally falling into place: Armed with a sheer nightie and a well-timed wink, women hold the key to world peace and overall male satisfaction. Behind every missile fired is not, in fact, a megalomaniacal dictator, but rather, his frigid wife. Perhaps if Laura Bush had just spent a little more time curling her eyelashes and choosing a better gel bra for poor Georgie, he would have had the clarity to nip Guantanamo Bay in the bud.

Or perhaps — and this is just a hunch — perhaps this club is as insulting as it is erroneous. For years, women were seen as men’s sexier but silent counterparts with no voice beyond the daily inquiry of dinner preferences. Now, it appears that not only do some people wish to regress to these days, but additionally tack on the responsibility of being accountable for men’s mishaps.

In other words, our purpose according to the Obedient Wives Club is to be super cute scapegoats. I already work in customer service, so I think I’m good, but I’m guessing they have open membership if you’re into being a thankless servant because of your gender.

Source: Yahoo News.

THE MEAT

Salwa Hosseini.
Photo via The Blog Walking.

An anonymous Egyptian senior general admitted a week ago that “virginity checks” were performed on women who were arrested at a spring demonstration this year. The women, who were “not like your daughter or mine” according to the senior general, allegedly camped out in tents with male protestors, and in doing so, apparently waived their rights to their bodies. The senior general was “concerned” that the protestors would say they had been raped by Egyptian authorities, “so we wanted to prove that they weren’t virgins in the first place.” Wait, what?

Salwa Hosseini, a 20-year-old protestor, reported that officials “forced her to the ground and slapped her, then shocked her with a stun gun while calling her a prostitute.” Then, it was off for virginity testing! Hosseini said she did not consent to having a male doctor perform the test, but was threatened with the stun-gun to comply. The results of the tests indicated that none of the women were virgins.

Here’s a thought: If you’re actually concerned about your authorities being accused of rape, maybe you should create an atmosphere where rape is unacceptable. Even if the results of these “virginity checks” were entirely accurate, they reveal the same amount of information about how the women felt regarding Glenn Close’s performance in 101 Dalmations as they do about their treatment by Egyptian authorities. This was never meant to acquit authorities of any future charges of rape (how could it?) — it was meant to further shame the female protestors in a culture where value is still assigned to virginal status, harming their character, and intimidating them.

Source: CNN.

THE TOPPING

Greetings, earthlings.
Photo via PennLive.

Rick Santorum, Republican presidential candidate by day and robber of women’s rights by night, announced that he believes abortion should be illegal even in cases of rape and incest. Furthermore, he thinks doctors who perform abortions should be criminally charged. In his spare time, he enjoys long walks on the beach and misinterpreting the Constitution.

The psych evaluation on this situation is pending, but I’m going to go ahead and give my diagnosis: Alien. I know, it kind of comes out of left field, but you can only follow the facts and the facts are telling me that this thing is not human.

Source: Crooks and Liars.

DIRECTIONS
Combine all ingredients and bring them to a boil, much like my blood pressure is at the moment. You’ll know it’s done when it tastes like misogyny with a hint of “please tell me this isn’t real life.” Enjoy!

Filleosophy’s real name is Cézanne. She is a blogger who moonlights as a cat. You can find her at filleosophy.com, @filleosophy, or in a perpetual state of distress.

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    Filleosophy | 6/14/2011 05:06 pm
  5. My only objection to this well-written, well-presented piece is that there are aliens of note who would probably feel put out, to say the least, with your psychological evaluation of Rick Santorum (i.e. the cast of 3rd Rock from the Sun, Dee, the sarcastic sister from What’s Happening, and Ron Perlman).

    With that said, well done!

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