‘Sup, Sinners?

We’re on the other side of Yom Kippur and if you’re still thinking about anyone that you’ve wronged… you’re obsessing.  Go play Words With Friends.  Watch Hulu.  Wrong someone new.  The point – most of us have short attention spans.  I figure our 2011 atonement has roughly a 36 hour shelf life.  I’m not a bad person or a bad Jewish person.  I’m the girl who Skyped into her family’s sedar in Baltimore.  And took my turn reading to boot.  It’s just that I adore sarcasm.  And comedy.  And making fun of people.

At Yom Kippur services, I sat beside a pretty batty Hollywood lady.  Taking this in during the service, a service that found me simultaneously asking for forgiveness for judging people, was realistically ironic.  We all know that Hollywood batty ladies are fun to observe.  And they want the attention.  She was doing everything but shouting, “Look over here!  I’m a Hollywood batty lady!”  When it came time for the memorial service, the rabbi went around the congregation allowing people the chance to say the name of anyone they were mourning.  Wait for it.  She said Steve Jobs.  I’m not sure if that’s necessarily the time that I was supposed to thank G-d.  But, I did.  Because she was an awesomely batty Hollywood lady.  And who knows?  This is LA.  She could very well have been friends with Steve Jobs.  But I’d bet my itouch that she wasn’t.  Which makes it better.  Comedically.  Again, a little judgey.  But may I propose – adorably, hopefully – innocuously-endearingly judgey?

I will never do any of those hard core wrongings.  None of that movie of the week stuff for me.  No murdering.  And the main reason I try to stay single is so as to have a better chance of not committing adultery.  Or, at least that’s what I tell myself.  I know this is Ten Commandments-y, but I think come Yom Kippur, folks likely repent pretty hard for the aforementioned big guns.  When G-d decides my fate on Yom Kippur, which I think is pretty similar to a pilot pick up, I want him to like what I’ve been doing and want to see more.  I want him to write my name in the book (deadline.com?) and seal it.

Conversely, there are a bunch of sins name checked on Yom Kippur that I’m definitely guilty of.  Some examples from the Al Khet prayer:  “For the sin that we have committed under stress or through choice and For the sin that we have committed in stubbornness or in error.”  This is like a regular work day or trying to figure out where to go out with friends. I want to meet the people who say they haven’t committed these sins.  Because they’re too good to be true and I’m scared of them and they’re probably headed to do some of that Colin Hanks on Dexter stuff when they lose it down the line.

By no means do I want to belittle the importance of Yom Kippur or the importance of being the best person that you can be.  I just think we all have a tendency to get caught up in what feels like monumental promises, tremendous commitments and big proclamations.

When the bottom line is, really… Don’t be an assh**e.