When I was little, I desperately wanted glasses. Really, I wanted any kind of accessory that would make me stand out and look special, and at the time, I romanticized glasses. I wore my grandma’s huge ’80s glasses around the house, bumping into tables and walls, but I wanted my own pair. So I hoped and hoped and hoped for bad eyesight. I basically wished my way to horrible vision, because in second grade, my parents took me to the optometrist, who in fact informed me that I needed glasses.
Oh, happy day! For approximately two weeks. I picked out the coolest purple frames I could find, but I was teased mercilessly. I started hating my glasses, regretting that I ever even wanted them. I envied other kids with 20/20 vision, and begged my parents for contacts.
But I grew to love my glasses again. In high school, I picked out my first Buddy Holly frames, and from that point on, I treated shopping for glasses like I would treat shopping for a purse or new shoes. Glasses are awesome. They come in all shapes and colors, and you can mix and match based on your mood or outfit.
However, wearing glasses is not always effortless. In fact, they can be a pain. Here are 20 pesky hardships that come with owning spectacles.
1. Swimming without your glasses
You cannot swim in a pool, lake, or ocean with your glasses. Unless you are okay with breaking them, or losing them forever. You have to leave them behind on your towel and swim very, very blindly. This is especially scary when you’re in the ocean and you’re unable to detect jellyfish or an incoming wave.
2. Having to pee in the middle of the night
And subsequently tripping on clothes and stubbing our toes on books in the process.
3. Owning prescription sunglasses
When you finally get a pair of prescription sunglasses, you thank the glasses gods that such an option exists. No more brighter-than-thou sun in your eyes! You can hang out in broad daylight without cowering away like a vampire. However, now you need to transition between your outdoor and indoor glasses. Sometimes you forget your indoor glasses, so you end up wearing sunglasses inside. This makes people think you’re rude but you’re really not—you’re just blind and forgetful.
4. Putting on makeup.
You have to get REALLY up close to the mirror, and you may end up smudging it with mascara or liquid eyeliner.
5. Wearing makeup
The way you wear makeup has to be slightly adjusted when you wear glasses. Glasses essentially water down any makeup you may be wearing, so if you want to go for a bolder look, heavier eyeliner, eyeshadow, and mascara are needed. When I was in the 6th grade, I would have to dump buckets of glitter on my face in order for anyone to even notice I was wearing glitter. And I wanted everyone to notice I was wearing glitter, obviously.
6. Shaving in the shower
Razors and bad vision do not mix.
7. Trimming your bangs
I am so envious of people with bangs who can just trim them in the time it takes to wash their hands. In college, I had to pay my roommates in meal credits to help me trim my bangs, and it’s not like they were hairdressers. Let’s just say I went for the “shaggy” look for a while.
8. Sweaty glasses
In the summer, your glasses start slipping and sliding down the bridge of your nose because it’s hot and your face is a sweaty mess. You end up readjusting your glasses every five seconds and it drives you to the brink of insanity. If you’re at the gym, this problem intensifies, so have one hand ready at all times.
9. Clogged pores
This is more of a summer problem because of said sweat, but sometimes glasses can cause breakouts around your nose and in between your eyebrows, and it’s just STELLAR.
10. Wearing a headband is painful
All that pressure behind your ears is the worst. Channeling your inner Blair Waldorf is a no-go.
11. Making out
If one person is wearing glasses, then you’re usually safe. But two glasses in the mix? Hello, human bumper-car faces.
12. Wearing 3D glasses at the movie theater
That’s just not happening, so you might as well opt for the regular show.
13. The constant wet blur when it’s raining
If it’s raining, you’re a goner. So far, technology has not figured out any feasible solution to this problem, so you will have to continue wiping raindrops from your glasses every three seconds or just give in and put up with the kaleidoscopic views.
14. Being worried your glasses will fall off when you go on a ride
Once, my glasses almost fell off when I was tricked into going on California Screamin’ at California Adventure. I thought centripetal force would keep my glasses on, but it turns out, you have to hold on to them because you can depend on NO ONE and NOTHING to keep them safe.
15. Not being able to rest your head on your desk without the frames puncturing your face
Too many times have I ended up with gigantic red marks on my nose because I fell asleep with my glasses on. It’s a great look, all around.
16. Going to the optometrist every year and worrying that you’ll fail the eye exam
There needs to be some other way to determine how much our eyes have changed, because differentiating the minute difference between two letters that, quite frankly, look exactly the same, is nerve-racking and probably not accurate.
17. For Halloween, you try to find a character with glasses to dress up as
Which is why I’m going as Tina Belcher. Problem solved.
18. Constantly smudging them
If your hands are slightly oily, you are done for. Not wearing a soft cotton shirt? Well, get used to seeing the world as though you just woke up.
19. Picking out frames is like picking out a new car
OH THE PRESSURE. It’s terrible. But exciting. But mostly nerve-racking. You will own these frames for a long, long time, and you will probably wear them every day. It’s not like trying on a crop top at Forever 21. This decision takes commitment. Will it be the tortoise-shell color? Or the red cat-eye?
20. People telling you to take off your glasses
“You look so pretty without your glasses” is the biggest insult for the bespectacled, so do not ever say that. We are beautiful with or without our glasses, and frankly, our glasses makes us who and what we are: flawless.