For example, the woman walking through Costco dressed in an extremely “slutty” manner, with a lower-back tattoo that says, “enjoy the ride” (true story). Who’s defining her? Those clothes and that make-up didn’t put themselves on her body. And the tattoo artist didn’t break into her house, drug her, and put that sex advert on her lower back. Similarly, the bible-carrying woman with the neck-to-toe-thick-wool-brown-dress, no make-up, and hair-in-a-tight-bun, did dress herself. These women dressed themselves knowing full well what assumptions the overwhelming majority of society would make about them based on their appearance.

We can all agree that there are large clothing and behavioral gray-area, and judging or making character assumptions about people is oftentimes stupid. For example, twenty years ago I had very long hair, an earring, etc. Occasionally certain people (even police) made assumptions about me (drugs, rebellious, and so on). All of them were wrong and their assumptions were unjust. However, if I’d have added Cannabis t-shirts, anarchist tattoos, or the like, then it would have been the height of stupidity and hypocrisy to be offended if others made those assumptions about me.

It is irritating to be judged by people over the innocuous, gray-areas of our behavior, choices, and clothing. But to dress and behave in certain obvious ways and then act surprised or offended when someone makes a judgment about us based on those extremes is disingenuous or hypocritical, or at the very least ignorant. Like it or not, in the real world there are social norms and mores in every society. To knowingly choose to live outside those norms and then act surprised or offended when someone makes a judgment is patently foolish or juvenile.

Make your choices, and more power to you. Be happy in those choices if possible. But don’t expect others to like or approve of those choices, especially if the choices you make lie somewhere on the fringes of societal norms. I would argue that if you choose to live or dress on that fringe, then you are defining yourself to others, not the reverse. Live with the consequences of your choices.