Three months ago, one of my best friends was crying over a glass of wine to me about how she was most definitely going to die slowly, alone and without ever having found love between now and then. She had found love before, had a child, lived out her thirties as a successful career woman and still found herself unsatisfied and unresolved when it came to having the luck she wanted with guys. She had been through a few recent unsuccessful relationships and some bad dates, and it was all making her ready to pack it in.
I’ve always said I think bad dates are worse than no dates. It confuses you into thinking that the loser who’s playing you his demo while you drive to dinner is the best your city has to offer you. Which hasn’t been confirmed to not be the truth. The point is, she was not feeling hopeful. The was turning her anger in on herself. It made her analyze all the things that must be wrong with her to have to be in this predicament. Clearly she was not interesting, not beautiful, not sexy, too fat, too old, too much of one thing, not enough of another. She was definitely the problem. I tried talking her out of this way of thinking. I knew she was a catch. I wanted to shake her and force her to see what I saw. But you can’t rush those things. We all fall at the rate we’re supposed to.
Cut to my friend telling me that she reconnected with her middle school crush on FACEBOOK and he is flying her to the east coast to spend the weekend together. THEN she tells me he was even better in person. THEN she tells me they have more in common than anyone she’s ever dated. THEN she tells me she’s happier than she’s ever been. THEN she tells me that she doesn’t know if she would have actually appreciated someone so wonderful if she hadn’t been subjected to so many crappy guys before him. I am NOT making this up. I wouldn’t do that to you. Also, I didn’t ask her if I could write about this.
You can’t trust the bleakness that you feel. My niece, who is 16 months old, will be screaming at the top of her lungs with the kind of despair that is only necessary when there’s been a death, and then in a split second she starts laughing and tickling my feet (which actually feels more like scratching, but I laugh very enthusiastically). Yeah, I’m aware that babies emotions are more extreme than ours, but sometimes I wonder if they are. How many times have you been home on a Saturday night, with nothing good on TV, digging into the ice cream you swore you wouldn’t eat, and staring at your phone building up anger over the fact that he hasn’t called or texted… and then the second your phone beeps across the room, you literally can feel the adrenaline rushing to your face (probably not scientifically accurate of what happens) and you start smiling too big for your teeth (personal problem I have), and consider shouting out, “Everything is AMAZING! I love life!!!!!” And then you see the text is from your mom (personal problem I have).
We base how we feel on what’s happening in our life and when it gets lonely and dark you have to remember that, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT!!! Everything is temporary. Except death, that’s pretty final. Unless you’re a Buddhist, and then it’s just the beginning. See? Just find the perspective that will make you feel better. I do not have a degree in anything other than mistakes.