Sonic, America's Drive In Or Epic Conspiracy?

It all started one lazy Sunday afternoon with my college roommates. We were watching SoapNet Happy Hour and recovering from the previous night’s shenanigans. The absolute last thing on our minds was food. That was, until it happened… the Sonic commercial. We had seen fast food commercials before. However, this one was different. Something about the fast paced fried food montage and playful banter got to us. The jalapeño strips, the onion rings and don’t even get me started on the chili cheese fries. We wanted, nay, needed Sonic and we needed it ASAP.

Our dreams were crushed by discovery that the nearest Sonic was 70 miles away, but our hunger remained. We found ourselves constantly slipping Sonic into everyday conversation. We, to our surprise, could not find a single person who had eaten at a Sonic. After winter break we reconvened, each having failed to find a Sonic near our hometown. Something was sketchy about this Sonic thing. What kind of food chain can afford expensive national advertisements with so few locations? It was simple. Sonic did not exist. Every once in a while someone would report having “eaten at Sonic,” which only meant one thing… brainwashing. They were brainwashing people in order to perpetuate the lie! We couldn’t believe how deep this thing went. What once had been a simple hankering for hamburgers had landed us in the middle of an epic conspiracy.

I graduated, moved to California and continued to spread The Sonic Conspiracy Theory. Then… the unthinkable happened. I was kidnapped under pretense of country line-dancing and driven forty-minutes down a dark highway. When the car finally stopped I looked out my window and there it was with its drive-in stations and roller skating waiters… Sonic, America’s Drive-In. They got to me. I didn’t even see it coming! I was brainwashed. Though, it makes sense I guess. I was getting too close, starting to become a threat. Well, nice try you silly fake fast food chain. I laugh in the face of your tricky mind games. I will persevere, continue to dig and find out what’s really going on with Sonic once and for all! Though to be fair, I must admit the food, while an illusion, was pretty fantastic. The tots were unreal. Really though… they weren’t real.

Falsified document.

Image via mollyerdman

  • Heather Mckown

    Their cherry cokes are amazing…and cheap for cokes with real cherry syrup.

  • Mandy Gross

    Haha! I love this! Sonic is based in oklahoma, where I live, and there are tons of sonics around here! Sonic is my favorite!

  • Jess Bender

    I felt that Sonic’s was solely made by the media to tickle my fatty fancies. The day Sonic’s opened 45 minutes from my hometown was the best day of my life.

    Then I got there and was sorely disappointed. Biggest heartbreak of my life.

  • Dave Short

    You’re nuts. I eat Sonic upwards to 4 times a week.

  • Audrey Leihser

    Mmmm you made me miss cheesy tots and corn dogs and cherry limeade!

  • Sarah McDonald

    It baffles me that you had never even seen a Sonic. We had three in my home town of only 38,000, that is until the manager of one tried to make meth in the kitchen now we just have two….

  • Charlee Ann Faulds

    We have 5 or 6 in my hometown. And GET THIS! 10ish in my University’s town. I LOVE TEXAS! And Vanilla Dr Pepper!

  • Patty Housel

    Back in the day, when I was in HS, this too was what I thought. At the time, there were no Sonic Drive In’s in the CITY. I had to move to the COUNTRY to get a Sonic. And get one I did. Now they are everywhere in Dallas and I can always get a Route 44 Diet Coke and some onion rings!

  • Staci Danielle Bernhard

    I feel that way about Red Robin (yum!). DOWN WITH THE FAST FOOD / RESTAURANT CONSPIRACIES!

  • Amanda Lydon

    WORD! i feel the same way about Red Lobster… i see the commercials all the time but i don’t think i’ve ever seen one in real life!!

  • Shandra Goldfinger

    I grew up on Long Island where there were no Sonics, but a Sonic commerical every 20 minutes. I, too, had Sonic built up in my mind as a mythical, magical place. Finally, while driving down to Bonnaroo, my friends and I spotted one. The thing is, none of us knew it was a drive in! I’m not sure why the commericals didn’t tip us off, but people eat in their cars all the time so I guess we thought they were always showing the drive through. There was basically a hurricane happening and we were mostly getting food to wait out the storm. Opening the windows was not an option. It’s been 4 or 5 years since my Sonic tease, and I still haven’t eaten there. We ended up at an evil Hardy’s instead. First and last time for that chain. We’re pretty convinced there was a man with a hook for a hand cooking kidnapped people in the back.

  • Katelin Turner

    I am a sonic addict! I love that place. Their oreo blizzards are ten thousand times better than dq

  • Natasha Simmonds

    I have heard of them, but neeeeeever seen one! Hahahaha!

  • Carrie Murphy

    i experience the same thing growing up on the east coast. when i moved to NM, sonics abound. the blue powerade slush is the best hangover cure i know of (other than my hangover soup). the tater tots are good, too, but i always get a little bit sick when i eat there.

  • Laura Perry

    as a LA native, i too was subjected to the false promise of tater tots and slushies that the sonic commercials gave me. my friends and i took to calling sonic the ‘unicorn of fast food’ glad to know we’re not alone!!

  • Tracey Magnuson

    For years living on the east coast (Miami, FLA) I watched Sonic comercials and never saw one or knew anyone who ate at one. When I met a boy and moved out west (San Diego, CA), I still hadn’t seen one. Some friends actually told us that they would regularly drive to YUMA AZ just to hit the sonic drive through. This seemed at once ridiculous and evocative. Was it possible that there was a fast food so wonderful that otherwise sane people would drive 4 hours out of their way just to experience it? I had eaten at the infamous In N Out Burger, pretty good, but definitely not something I’d hike it across state lines for. Well, last year a Sonic opened about 20 minutes from me. From day one, the line stretched around the block. This is not an exageration – people literally lined up for hours in their car and took numbers just for the priveledge of slushy drinks and fast food. By the time I finally got the opportunity to go, my anticipation had lifted to what I assumed were unrealistic expectations. Truth is, I wasn’t much disappointed. Their union rings are akin to those you’d get in a decent restuarant that specializes in those sorts of things, not the dried out sad things you typically get in fast food. The tater tots are.. tots. Familiar and yummy, but not unusual. .. .but the drinks! Everything from vanilla Coke to blue cherry limeade, all in a giant styrofoam glass filled with slushy ice. Awesome. Nowadays, Sonic is a rare treat (a girl can have only so much deep fried foods and sugary syrup drinks). I actually had it after a late, somewhat drunken night with my now husband. Still good. Worth the elusive wait.

  • Rebekah Roberts

    I think I know the sonic you are talking about! It’s across from In cahoots in fullerton/anaheim! I moved to socal from arkansas where there is a sonic in just about every town. It took me years to find this gem! Now they have one on the border of santa ana/costa mesa and mission viejo!!!

    • Nicole Paulhus

      It was the one in Duarte near San Dimas. Come to think of it, it makes perfect sense that it was located next to a country line dancing bar from the sounds of it they’re only located in more rural areas!

  • Amber Arias

    There are a ton of Sonics in Arizona! My boyfriend and I go at least 4 times a week for drinks as.. it is TEH Ultimate Drink Stop. No joke. I should own a part of the company by now.

  • Shelby Smith

    I work at a Sonic in Michigan… I know all about the illusion haha. And the awful sore feet that come from rollerskating for hours and hours!

  • Whitney Gill

    Gosh, there are 15 or more in my small city in Texas! I would gladly send some of them away to where ever you guys are from!

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