I know slang is nothing new. Slang has been around for a long, long time. But I want to talk about a specific type of slang for a second, and the rise in its popularity: ditzy slang. It’s a crime. A word crime. And I’m the number one suspect. Here is my solemn vow: to stop abbreviating words under five syllables. They actually don’t require that much effort to say (and even if they did, that really shouldn’t stop me from having the energy to say them—I mean, I get tired sometimes, but I never get that tired) and definitely don’t require an abbreviation.

Does anyone else feel like they do this all the time? Abbreviate like this? No? Just me? But it can’t be just me because I feel like a whole lot of people have adopted this lingo! “Totes adorbs!” “Omg amaze!” “Sooo cray!” “Forev” “Besties!” “Um, obvi!” (I can quite often be heard uttering the totally-made-up phrase “Obvs mcgobvs!” because I have this thing with rhyming words.) Anyway, the list goes on. As a writer and someone who has always had an innate love of language, this lingo pains me on a daily basis. Yet, I’ve totally (in my mind I said “totes”… stop the madness!!!) adopted it as my own. I literally hear myself saying these “words” to other human beings and I cringe. And, what’s worse, is that those other human beings often throw the same ditzy slang back at me and we end up having a, <gulp>, ditzy-girl conversation. Example:

Me: Hi! How was last night? Was it cray?

Person I Know: Yes, so cray! Remember that guy Tim?

Me: Hmm… oh, yeah, totes!

PIK: He asked me out! So adorbs.

Me: Shut up.

PIK: I know! Can’t even deal.

Me: Ahhh! So amaze.

Something like that. And, listen, I’m not calling anyone I know un-intelligent. Quite the opposite, in fact. These are really smart, sharp people who are using this lingo—and it’s because of this, that I think we need to stop it with this type of slang. Or, maybe it’s more realistic to at least try and cut back on it. So, that’s what I’m going to do. If not for any other reason than I can just see myself, somewhere down the line, responding to a question in a meeting, a job interview, or on the altar at my wedding, with one of the aforementioned “words”.

“Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband”?


And then I will never be able to forgive myself.

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