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Some Words That Need Inventing

A few months ago, I had a dream in which  I was doing the commentary for the ‘Sleep Olympics’ (which are exactly what they sound like). In the process of this, I said, “So long as no one goes sprog-mental, everything will be okay.” ‘Sprog-mental’ seemed like such a great term that I decided to make up a meaning for it, which is as follows:


1) A way of thinking that is childish in its approach. However, does not necessarily mean a flawed way of thinking. It could in fact relate to a way of thinking that is unhindered by external/adult cultural/societal norms or standards and could therefore be innovative, revolutionary or inspired.

2) A giddiness for the simple act of the creation of a new idea without necessarily taking into account the realities or practicalities of the idea’s implications.

3) A way of thinking out an idea in a detailed manner solely for fun, as opposed to thinking to accomplish or create something.

4) A term used to describe someone’s giddy enthusiasm/conviction for an idea of theirs that has become humorous/endearing/disconcerting/disdainful for others.

With this in mind, I decided to compile a list of meanings which don’t yet have a word. I haven’t given any words to these meanings as of yet, but perhaps in time I shall. If you happen to know the word for a meaning below, feel free to tell me – likewise if you have a suggestion of a word or even any other meanings. But for now, that’s enough preamble.

1) The feeling one gets when they think there is one more step on the stairs when, in fact, there isn’t (or vice versa).

2) The act of trying to remember a forgotten dream.

3) The feeling that your phone has vibrated in your pocket when it hasn’t.

4) The feeling that there is a spider on you. This frequently occurs after having walked through a cobweb. This feeling, in turn, should have its own word too.

5) When something is so boring it becomes funny.

6) The process of thinking of someone when they are simultaneously thinking of you.

7) The smile one makes when a photo is being taken.

8 ) The measure of time spent thinking before one falls asleep.

9) The measure of time spent thinking before one gets up.

10) The act of foretelling how good your day shall be based on how good of a s**t you take.

11) The disappointment one feels on receiving uninteresting/boring post/email/text etc. Caveat: See No.5

12) When one feels like it is Christmas when it is not.

13) The random stroll people make around the room/house/street/shop etc whilst talking on the phone.

14) The interest one has in reading the breakfast cereal box only whilst eating the aforementioned breakfast cereal.

15) The feeling that the music from your headphones is too loud and other people can hear.

16) The annoyance of a fly buzzing when one is trying to sleep.

17) The fear one has when suddenly having two dead legs, simultaneously, and as such, not being able to walk.

18) The sudden feeling one gets to thoroughly clean ones room/house/car etc.

19) The act of consciously ignoring someone or something by pretending to be texting or checking the time.

20) The act of showering/bathing for pleasure as opposed to hygiene.

21) Watching a film in one’s native language with the subtitles on anyway.

22) The act of creating words for no particular reason.

23) The act of creating words for a particular reason.

24) When one hesitates to correct someone who you know to be wrong because you don’t know them well enough.

25) The act of wearing odd socks and not caring.

26) When a stranger, usually a man, is used by another stranger, usually a mother, to discipline their child – usually in a public place i.e. bus, restaurant.

27) The act of waiting for the right moment in a conversation to announce you are leaving.

28) The act of tying scarves/ties in complex ways.

29) The vague arousal one gets from seeing a mannequin being dressed.

30) The feeling of having more respect for someone who is visibly and evidently not happy in their s****y job (i.e. cashier) than someone who pretends to be with faux customer service smiles.

31) The annoyance of radio DJs.

32) The point reached when one has started something they have to finish, i.e. halfway through cutting your hair.

33) The feeling one gets before cutting ones long hair short that ones personality/identity  is somehow entwined within the hair.

34) The act of bringing more pens one could possibly need to an exam in case they run out.

35) The act of viewing a stranger and seeing in them a distinct likeness to someone you recognise, with the exception of one major defining physical attribute – i.e. tall, short, fat, Hispanic etc.

36) The realisation that one has being humming/dancing/singing to a song one does not like.

37) The act of sleeping naked.

38) The act of using the fact that Stephen Fry has asserted something to back up your argument.

39) The conscious decision to look for familiar shapes in clouds with friends.

40) The act of seeing familiar shapes in a cloud (or other physical features).

41) The conscious act of avoiding looking at a woman’s cleavage by looking them in the eye.

42) The act of checking and noting the time when one hears a suspicious noise (such as an alarm or a sound that could possibly be a gunshot) so as to be able to inform the authorities if a crime is reported in that vicinity.

43) Becoming acquainted with certain spiders in your house for a matter of hours/days before one eventually has to remove/kill them.

44) The added bonus of eating meat in the presence of vegetarians.

45) The types of conversations had with Taxi drivers.

46) The delusion that one can give good massages without any form of training.

47) The smile one makes when an older relative is racist/ignorant.

48) The act of keeping foreign money as a memento.

49) The moment of satisfaction one gets at having past page 100 in a book. See also No. 32

50) The Facebook friends one has that aren’t actual friends but you can’t unfriend them, as to do so could cause possible awkwardness in the real world.

51) The act of being attracted to someone without having seen their face i.e. back of head/neck on bus/train etc.

52) The act of viewing a person, at a distance, and wondering whether they are you from the future come back to view your past self in this particular moment and the subsequent thought that if you hadn’t thought that about them (and they were you from the future), what act had they prevented you from doing by being there and furthermore, the thought that if they had come back to change this particular moment and they had succeeded, then why did they need to come back at all?

53) The act of looking at the stars and being consciously aware that their light is millions/billions of years old and as such star gazing is a form of time travel.

You can read more from Patrick Noonan on his blog or follow him on Twitter.

Featured image via flickr.