So I Married A Comedian

Let me start by saying that I can’t believe I’m married.  It sounds so weird and old.  But it’s pretty fun.  Because I married a comedian.

When I got engaged to my husband, my mom was so excited for us, she shared the news with some of her co-workers at her K-8 school in Florida.  THEM: “Is he a doctor?!”  MOM: “Ummm, no.” THEM: “Is he a lawyer?!”  MOM: “Nope.” THEM: “Well what is he, then?!” MOM: “A comedian.”  THEM: Silence.  No one dreams that their daughter will marry a comedian. In fact, even after six years together, my parents still don’t really understand it.  And my grandfather definitely thinks we’re destitute.  But I think it’s pretty awesome.  I get to laugh all of the time.  I’m laughing right now as I write this because I can hear Dan (that’s the husband) kinda singing/kinda making weird singing noises in the shower**.  I also get pranked, embarrassed in public and become the butt of jokes.

One day, I made the mistake of letting Dan use my computer after I went on Facebook.  I didn’t notice anything weird until I started getting a crazy influx of texts.  And let’s be real here, I have a BFF that I text with nonstop so if I get one that’s not from her, I think I’m popular.  First text said, “I didn’t know you surfed!”  Ummm, I’m sorry, what does that mean??  I let the person have it, maybe they accidentally texted me.  Then a minute later I got another: “You better be careful out there!”  Now I knew something was up, plus Dan got this little mischievous smile when I showed him the texts.  So I grabbed my computer back to find that my status now read: FINALLY HEADING TO MALIBU FOR NIGHT SURFING!! WHO WANTS TO COME?

After carefully explaining to my pals that not only do I not surf, but my affinity for partaking in dangerous activities stops at watching The Vampire Diaries, I thought that would be it.  But no, I soon realized that I had unknowingly signed up for a lifetime of this prank, which I call: The status hijack.  For years now, my status has been updated without my consent to everything from   “Totally got a ticket for getting in a cop car super drunk!”  to “I’m on a private plane to the UK. I can’t say no to Kanye West!!!”  To things like: “Takin’ some Sunday night shots at da’ club!” and “Smeh!” and “In Germany. Kinda wanna move here!” and “I’ve packed my bags and I am ready to go! Anyone got any tips for 10 weeks in Kenya?”  I’ve stopped apologizing to my parents, coworkers and concerned friends (several told me to make sure I had all my shots before I headed to Africa) and now I secretly look forward to when it happens again because it never fails to make me smile.  It’s what I signed up for, I married a comedian…  I highly recommend it.

**Dan just explained to me that he was actually singing Yankee Doodle Dandy in the shower.  Totally normal.

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