Intelligence is sexy.
This is definitely not why I read as much as I do, but it has definitely come in handy. Much like the old adage “You get more bees with honey than with vinegar,” you’re going to get much further with someone like me if you can challenge my mind.
I bring this up because it’s been on my mind the last few weeks as I’ve seen some very confident and intelligent women engage in flirtatious verbal swordplay with equally intelligent men, and as I’ve been reminded of the stereotype of “bookish” girls that is quiet, calm, and oh yes, mousy. I’d like to think that the image of an older spinster in an armchair, surrounded by cats, with a lace shawl and a book in her lap is fading now that we’re into the 21st century. Please tell me it’s changing.
The bookish girls I know are loud, opinionated and, quite literally, whip smart. The wordplay and exchange of titles and ideas that fly around the tables I socialize over and in online communities I frequent are enough to make me occasionally sit back and just watch, tired from trying to keep up. I sometimes find my head snapping back and forth between two passionate debaters whether they’re arguing about a novel written by someone long dead or the latest remake of a superhero franchise.
Since I began identifying myself, loudly and proudly, as a “nerd” both online and off, I’ve gotten mixed reactions. There are the men who physically do a double-take when I identify the class of a star destroyer on their computer wallpaper. There are the girls whose eyes glaze over the minute I start babbling about a comic book. And then there are the men and women who chuckle – not with disbelief or condescension but with some bizarre hybrid of the two – and don’t believe me until I am dancing a metaphoric circle around them with book titles, film quotes and music recommendations, simply because I don’t “look” like the stereotypical socially-stunted nerd with basement pallor. Sure, I say that I’m socially inept to my friends – mostly because I wouldn’t recognize someone flirting with me if they hit me with a 2×4 – but that doesn’t mean I can’t fake social skills.
But I don’t read, watch movies, or obsess over my writing because I want other people to think of me as smart and nerdy. I do it because I love to learn. As I’ve looked for full-time work over the last eighteen months in cities across the country, I have answered that standard interview question, “What are you looking for in a workplace?” with the same answer: My idea workplace is somewhere that will always encourage me to learn, grow and improve. I look for the same thing in friends and potential dating prospects. If you can’t hold an intelligent conversation, and can’t make me think, I’m probably not interested.
But when I find someone who challenges my intellect? I am all atwitter. Seriously. Just ask my friends. It’s kind of hilarious, or so I’m told.
Maybe this all circles back to not judging a book by its cover. Maybe it’s yet another reminder to listen more than you speak. All I know is that debating the finer points of my favorite things like coffee, The West Wing or Laura Marling is a hell of a lot more fun, and memorable, than getting the elevator eyes from across the room and a lame pick up line over a margarita. Not only that, but much like the books I reread over and over again, making me think will keep me coming back for more.
I guess I can only hope that I provide as much of an inspiration and challenge to the guys who engage me. Appeal works both ways, and I’d rather be sexy in the brain than the body.
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This frustrates me. While I agree that intelligence is attractive, I disagree that knowing about popular culture classifies you as being intelligent. Citing a quote from a movie or identifying fictional starships does not make you a genius. You could argue that the people who imagine such objects or who can twist words into an audibly pleasing medley are intelligent, but the ability to listen and watch such creativity is not an indicator of intelligence.
Hi, great post. I especially like your comment on peoples’ physical shock when they ‘identify’ you as a nerd. I’ve recently experienced something very similar. I met some people who traveled the world and they were still surprised that I know the music, books and movies they loved. I found it quite funny actually. I think I’m going to develop a real appreciation for that kind of reaction and allow myself to be amused.
All of this makes me feel so happy! I try to have discussions and word jousts with my friends all the time, but they’re never interested and get mad at me for “arguing” when all I’m trying to do is start a conversation! Intelligence really is sexy and I’m so glad for it! And thanks to everyone who commented. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone!
I love this post! It resonates deep within my heart chick.
I wish I had the ability to sit every girl down and remind her that beauty is just one small part of being a woman; there’s always someone taller, prettier, wilder. The brain… now that’s where the fun really is. We come into this life dying but what never ends is the memory we leave behind. Don’t know about you, but I want that memory to be one of hope, love, strength and inspiration.
I LOVE your comment about not recognizing someone flirting with you if they hit you with a 2X4. I wouldn’t either!
I obsess about my writing, movies, tv shows, and books for the same reason – I love learning. Geek culture is an excellent outlet for this. The most interesting people I know are geeks and nerds. And since being intelligent is sexy, then I guess I’ll just have to find my brainy specs.
Seriously. I have had guy friends come up to me after a guy walked away and go, “That? Was flirting,” and walk away in frustration.
Intelligence IS sexy! I could have written this! : )
Amen! I personally don’t understand why people don’t like verbal jousting or “arguing”, it’s the best part of conversation! If someone isn’t willing to have an opinion and fight for it, then the conversation just descends into sweet nothings. Boring.
Hello Rachael! You must be my twin!!! I love learning so much! I read and quote movies more than anyone else in my friends circle and I’m deemed the “nerd” of the group! I get into heated debates about Christopher Nolan movies and I defend Star Wars as if my life depended on it. I also am forever enslaved to Jane Austen novels. Thank you so much for writing this. I know I’m not alone out there, but it’s nice to read about girls like me who’d rather learn and have intelligent conversations with guys, then receive those “elevator eyes” and “a lame pick up line”. I’ll buy your book whenever you get it published! May the force be with you!