Summer is here, and that not only means short shorts and barely-there clothing, it also means chafing thighs, oily faces and uncomfortable and unflattering sweat marks. You may leave your house feeling confident, but next thing you know, you look in a mirror only to discover you resemble a person whose been fried in butter, oil and a touch of red dye #40. That’s why I’ve come up with a couple fashionable and, dare I say, avant-garde ways to beat the heat.
- A hidden sweat pad that can be lodged in between ones thighs and can be concealed by shorts or a skirt. The sweat pad, aptly titled Sweet Sweat Pads, can be worn beautifully and comfortably by men and women. Consisting of two rectangular pieces of fabric, Sweet Sweat Pads, adhere to anyone’s thighs, regardless of shape or size, as they collect sweat. You no longer have to feel disgusting when you sweat because, your sweat is what enables the pads to stick, so the more you sweat the better! The one flaw to Sweet Sweat Pads is the deafening sound created by the suction of the pad to the skin The sound, which has been described as a combination of a vacuum cleaner and the voice of Darth Vader. Scientists, however, are currently researching and testing ways to make this product better and silent. In addition to noise modifications the creators of Sweet Sweat Pads are also working on a new model to adhere to ones buttocks in order to prevent swamp butt.
- A long sleeve shirt with a hidden fan that will blow air right into your armpit. This shirt called “Shoot The Breeze” is much larger than any normal shirt should be, but that is only due to the addition of the fan. The “Shoot the Breeze” will literally blow you away and not just because of its’ gigantic size but the print on these shirts is absolutely breathtaking. Of course, part of the reason why the print is amazing is because the size enables and demands it. The creators of “Shoot the Breeze” are scientists working for NASA who are also fashion designers when they have the free time therefore they wanted to fill this shirt with a design that was large, infinite and said something about who they were. And what better way to do this than have the shirt filled with images of the galaxy, space and the sky? As the wind blows on your torso and arms you may experience a sense of freedom so intense that you can’t help but feel like the most powerful human being on the hot Earth. Feel the breeze with every step you take, catch a glimpse of all the strangers staring at you with a concerned but mostly intrigued expression, and feel the most confident and limitless, just like the galaxy printed on your shirt, you’ve ever felt.
- A plastic suit to be worn under your clothing that has ice-cold water streaming through it. This is meant for businessmen and women who are required to wear pant suits to work. Although the plastic suit called, The Cool Suit is concealed by your clothing, it will add about 10-20 pounds to your frame, depending on how much water is necessary to keep you cool. There has only been one recorded accident regarding The Cool Suit; it popped underneath a man’s suit while he was at work. He was completely soaked and completely exposed. Although no one was injured, the man was subsequently charged with public indecency and fired. He is pursuing a law suit against the creators of The Cool Suit, which I’m guessing they don’t think is very cool.
- A really long dress/mumu that can be worn by men and women, depending on the pattern. This get up is made up of a new kind of opaque mesh, and is therefore called Wafting Wear. Wafting Wear was designed by a team of former NBA players who realized that their mesh jerseys worn on the court were the only things they could wear and keep cool in during the hot summer months. These basketball stars, however, have absolutely no interest in fashion. The theory behind Wafting Wear is that they are not flattering on anyone, but if everyone wears them it won’t even matter. These dress/mumus provide a level of universality to fashion, giving everyone the ability to be walking blobs of coolness.
- A facemask that protects against the sun and dreaded face sweat. This mask is a combination of a snow mask and a bathing cap. The coverage provided will be like that of a snow mask, but the material used looks like that of a bathing cap. This facemask, designed by scientists, who weren’t very creative with the name of the product, simply calling it, Cold Face, uses a newly found material called myorpolex, which acts as a cooling agent when it encounters heat. Cold Face comes in a variety of prints such as hibiscus, surf boards, and palm trees to give it that extra summer flair. You can also customize Cold Face with an image of your very own face.
- When you don’t feel like getting dressed after a shower simply put on a romper made entirely of towels, known as The Towel Romper and you are good to go! Not only is the romper stylish, but it also has the ability to literally mop the sweat right off your skin. The Towel Romper looks great on men and women alike. It is currently sold at Bed, Bath & Beyond, specifically in the Beyond section.
For anyone looking to take a fashion risk or those longing for a fun and edgy look I suggest wearing the towel romper and the plastic wetsuit with the facemask. You’ll sure to be cool in more ways than one.
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