From Our Readers

Singled In

Why am I single? Why are YOU coupled? Were you not awesome enough to be chill like this? Could you not handle your own company? Or maybe you weren’t good enough in bed for you? Well, if I must provide some sort of clarification on the matter – so be it. You see, there’s no one in particular that I fancy right now, well no one that returns my interest or is also single anyways.

Perhaps if there were an available mutually interested specimen I might see to it to arrange for an official pairing. I might not though. I might just play with them from time to time and see what fun things they bring to my space or mind. I might also just enjoy them from afar because sometimes my imagination is awfully satisfying like that. There are also other options, but what I mean to illustrate is that I am not hard wired to be in a formal relationship. I am hard wired for adventure and to explore myself and others. I am hard wired to be an individual and honor my own needs, which can conflict when deeply entangled with another.

This does not mean I am too immature to compromise for another nor does it mean I don’t wish to make sacrifices. I am happy to do both, but I am also happy to do neither. This is because I am happy with myself. For a long time I was not and that has been when I have most craved a relationship. In fact it is a strong indicator that I am unwell when I find myself spending too much time desiring and searching for companionship. Another reason why I am not too fixated on coupledom is that I in many ways already have a boyfriend and that boyfriend is fashion (scandal!).

Fashion is the first thing I think of when I wake up and when I go to bed. I spend most of my time fantasizing about what I can do with fashion except when I am directly engaged with it. I smile to myself when I think of fashion. I touch myself when I think of fashion (JK!). There is nothing in my entire life that has played such an integral and key role in providing focus and purpose as fashion has. It inspires me and challenges me, and sometimes all before noon. My love of fashion has given me the strength to make the most difficult decisions and endure the most painful moments. So now you see I am single for some very beautiful reasons: radical self-love and completion through creative pursuit. If you are like me you are in a whole other ball game and the cruel dissection of perceived flaws and projected loneliness in singledom is not only missing the mark it is a corruption of self-actualization.

So people of the single variety: the next time someone asks why you’re single I invite you to flap your arms up and down and caw like a crow because you are free like a bird and probably also a little weird and that’s okay. You just be yourself and if  you feel like your own company is enough you are way ahead of the crowd.

With that said I would like to, on behalf of single people everywhere, hereby solemnly declare singles free of judgement and societal expectations. Absolve yourselves of all pressure and unwarranted shame. Being single does not mean you must be defunct in some way. I mean you probably are, but so is everyone else (except Ryan Gosling, of course). Flaws and all though you are still nothing less than wonderful and I thank you for that. You keep me in excellent company. Also, I thank you for not contributing to North America’s growing divorce rate. Or as I call it “HAHA your s**t’s mine now SUCKA! -rate.”

You can read more from Tracey MacCorquodale here and here.

Feature image via.

  • Evie Totty

    Very well said, thank you!

  • Alexandra Whittle

    This is brilliant!
    I dedicate much of my time to writing a blog about my singledom, and when people ask me I am even single I always reply that I just don’t have the time, it really is a viscious circle!!

  • Paula Aravena Burgos

    Brilliant! Every single word that you wrote =) There is so many people that think being single is equally to unhappiness, but truly sometimes just means that you´re enough for yourself!!

  • Jeanne Cherry

    amen sista !

  • Cindy Oldfield

    Thank you for this! If I am asked one more time why I am single I may just reply ” Listen, I don’t ask you why your boyfriend of 5 years hasn’t proposed yet or why you and your spouse aren’t pregnant and you want to know why I wouldn’t ask you that? Because it is absolutely none of my business.”

  • Jessica Jeffers

    Well said. While I certainly never assume that singlehood automatically has to mean loneliness, I’ve never been good at being single. I have always kind of been in awe of the confidence people who like being single seem to possess. It’s great! Casual dating and/or hooking up always made me feel anxious or insecure because of the instability I felt in those connections. Stability has always been very important to me, and that’s why I prefer relationships.

    That being said, younger me was in relationships just to be in a relationship and that’s never a good thing. I’m very glad that I’m learning how to work on being awesome me outside of my boyfriend.

  • Lisa Jane Scott

    Yes! Love this, my favourite affirmation is “being single does not define me”. Great piece!

  • Luciana Prat

    Amen! excelent article!

  • Jordyn Farley Ruth

    I appreciate your enthusiasm, but as someone in a relationship, I’m pretty offended by the allegations you make in this piece. It’s great that you feel comfortable with yourself and your single-ness and that you have goals and passions that allow you to feel free and wonderful about yourself, but I resent the insinuation that coupled women are somehow defined by their “coupled-ness”

    Just because we happen to have found someone that we care about deeply enough to commit to doesn’t mean that we are not happy with ourselves or that we even craved a relationship before we got into it. Why all the hostility towards those of us who aren’t single?

    Our lives aren’t any shinier and our paths aren’t any easier than yours. My clothes don’t cost less because I’m in a relationship. I still have to pay my rent on time. I learn and grow and function. I work insanely hard in my field. People in relationships don’t have to let their relationships singularly define them, either. We aren’t simply in relationships because we’re succumbing to some unseen social pressure.

    Just saying, people in relationships have feelings, too, girl.

    • Alexandria Goldman

      I’m in a relationship and I’m not offended by it. I don’t think she’s trying to say that singles are better or you’re helpless if you don’t have your other half if you’re part of a couple, just that you should be happy with self no matter what situation you’re in. I was perfectly happy when I was single because I was happy being with just me.

  • Ella Paige

    the only problem with being single is having to defend your decisions to everyone else who seems so much more unhappy and offended by your singleness. i agree with you, there`s nothing like a good adventure and finding something you can be passionate about that enables you to be comfortable with yourself. plus i`m really stubborn and tend to get annoyed if i spend too long with the same person (other than myself… and my dog, but she`s not really a person).

  • Punya Das

    everything i’ve always wanted to say. wunnerful!!! :)

  • Christy Berg

    Thank you. I am going to read this when I feel blue.

  • Lindsay Soleil Rogers

    feeling blue about my recent brush with another failed attempt.. 4 years since my last relationship and living my life for me whilst trying to make the best of feelings that have happened but nothing ever emerges.. this really boosted my spirits like a cheerleader cheering me on from the sidelines. thank you!

  • Mayra Alejandra Cervantes

    I absolutely LOVE this article! It’s not that there’s anything wrong with being in a relationship. I am happy for all those couples who are in a happy relationship, I would love to be in one like that some day. For the meantime, I am in love with my freedom! It makes me happy to know I’m not the only one who thinks this way because yes, people stare, and judge when you tell them you enjoy being single.

  • Alex Nibbles Alden

    wahey i love you

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