Has there ever been a holiday that brings to the surface your need for a single girls guide, more than VALENTINE’S DAY?! (The answer is no)
We need a hotline for this holiday, maybe like 1-800-I’m-freakin-The-F-OUT .
I know the kinds of things you did yesterday. You were at work with one eye on your computer and the other eye looking out for a floral delivery. You were opening every door with a prepared surprise face. You were telling everyone how lame and meaningless this holiday is, while secretly getting more pissed that the day was going by without anyone professing love to you. You went on all the important exes Facebook pages to see if they wrote any cute wall posts to their dumb ass girlfriend who doesn’t have even half of your pizzazz. You considered taking a picture of your friend’s flowers and pretending a secret admirer sent them to you.
Just the fact that you thought about it is enough. You walked into a book store, without even the slightest interest in buying a book because you just figured if your happy ending isn’t gonna find you any time soon, then you will just do whatever Meg Ryan does in any movie and it will work out. But nothing happened inside that book store except the acne faced worker asking if you needed help finding anything specific since he had noticed you staring blankly in the middle of the room like you needed something. And you wanted to say, “Yeah, I frickin’ need something! I need the feeling of someone’s warm body next to mine! I need to hear a voice in the morning other than my own! I need someone’s touch!!!” And then you were politely asked to please leave. You got in your car and passively put on an Adele song on your ipod, thinking you could fool yourself into thinking it was an accident. But then “Someone Like You” started playing and it actually made you think for a moment that you should text your ex boyfriend. It like, convinced you that he missed you and that this was the right time to reach out.
I don’t care how happy and settled you are in your life right now, if you are single on Valentine’s Day, you are very aware of it and are on the brink of a meltdown for twenty four full hours. I’ll explain why this god forsaken holiday breaks down all the work you have done on yourself. Because everyone tells you that when you stop looking, it looks for you. When you let go, it comes to you. When you settle into your life alone, someone wants to be a part of it. In every romantic comedy, the lonely girl finds her inner strength, dusts herself off and learns to love herself. She gives up on love, and then she’s drops her ice cream cone on the sidewalk and when she bends down to pick it up, she bumps heads with prince charming. And there they are together forever.
So, you shun the holiday, you laugh it off, you open a bottle of wine by yourself and settle in on the couch with a movie, filled with happiness. But there is an undeniable little voice in your head saying, “Did I just hear a pebble being tossed at my window? Is someone at the door? Is there music coming from a boom box outside? Did my phone just beep?” And you wake up the next morning with a clear feeling of disappointment. Nothing happened yesterday. No one was sitting on my doorstep in the cold with limp roses in his hand from the only florist that had anything left. There were no surprises around any corner I turned.
What you don’t get yet is how romantic it is that you anticipated any of that happening. No matter what you have been through, you aren’t dead inside like you think you are. You haven’t given up yet. You’re hopeful, not cynical. There are people out there who have given up. There are people who live with someone they don’t love anymore. There are people who are stuck with someone they don’t know how to leave. There are people who know exactly what tomorrow is going to look like. You don’t. Thank god for THAT. Stay neurotic. Stay frustrated. Stay emotional. Stay excited. Your life is happening.