(Today’s Single Girls Guide is specifically for adults)
Okay girls, it’s time. We’ve reached the point in our friendship where we need to get down to the tough stuff. We have to discuss it. I’ve waited too long. I can’t avoid it any longer. You know what I’m talking about… how to get deep stains out. Just kidding, you know me better than that. Sex! We need to talk about S-E-X! If you meant to click on “Fresh Giggles” then you need to have an adult direct you back to the kiddie corner while we talk about grown up things.
They say that youth is wasted on the young. As someone who’s really really super young I can’t fully grasp that concept, but I would say if it applies anywhere I think sex would be it. Have you ever encountered a fashionable sixty year old woman with her white button up man’s shirt and reading glasses that make reading look stylish, and been taken aback by her confidence and the effect she has on the young men she engages with? Well, lets rewind a bit back to her twenties and thirties and all the mistakes she had to make to get to where she is now. Let’s address the mistakes we make and vow to become her a little quicker.
Mistake #1- Not Asking for what you want
Isn’t it funny how we have no problem being a spoiled brat about that pair of shoes we want, or the ice cream downstairs we want him to get up and grab, but when it comes to sex we just aim to please? Most guys say to us, “Tell me what you like.” We hear it, roll our eyes, and say, “No, you got it, that’s great.” Because we know it’s complicated down there, and we know it might take some time to figure it out, and we don’t know how to just let it be about us for a minute in bed. Guys have no trouble saying what they like and telling us what they want us to do. They’re in the moment, they want the experience to be good, and they want you to get it right so that you know for next time. Most importantly, they don’t feel embarrassed about it. We, on the other hand, over-think the whole thing. We assume that if we guide him, or direct him, it will hurt his feelings or discourage him. We want him to feel like the man. In conversations we want him to read our mind and in bed we want him to read our vagina’s mind. He will never be able to do either. I know you don’t believe him when he tells you he wants to get some direction, but I’m here to tell you he DOES! He won’t be uncomfortable, it won’t take him out of the moment, he’ll be so excited to get some feedback that he’ll become obsessed with you, and we LOVE being obsessed over. Just be careful that once you help him find it, you make your real orgasm sounds similar to the fake one’s you’ve given him before.
Mistake #2- Not creating the environment you need
Guys don’t care about the circumstances around sex. In the bed, in the kitchen, day, night, lights on, lights off, phone ringing, tired, awake. We, on the other hand, need to like the environment we’re in. We need to feel comfortable to enjoy it. The sexiest thing to a guy, is when he feels like you’re into it. That you LIKE doing it. So, create whatever environment you need to get into it. We get so caught up in creating a fantasy for him. We know that if we flip our hair, make the right sound, and arch our back, he’ll be in heaven. So we play the part and give him what we think he wants. And it works, they have no complaints I’m sure. But nothing compares to the look of a woman who feels sexy instead of trying to look sexy. Do whatever you need to do to get into it. He’s not looking at your cellulite, he’s looking for a sign that you want to be there. Have a glass of wine, turn the lights off, and just enjoy it.
Mistake #3- Feeling Ashamed
Listen, if you want to be dirty, or you want to be shy, or you want to dress up, or you want to role play, no one can blame you for what works for you. We can’t control what our brains tell us is sexy, so just go with it. Explore what works for you. Even if he doesn’t have the same fantasy, he’ll appreciate that it’s yours. There is no shame in having fun with your sexuality. If you want to have sex with someone you don’t love (and you’re being safe) then go do it. It doesn’t mean you’re a slut, it means you’re living your life for you instead of everyone else. Ignore the people who judge you for it. They’re stuck in a place that has boundaries you don’t need. As long as you’re taking care of yourself, you’re the best judge of what’s right for you. I had a friend with benefits once and we had this talk in the beginning. This is what I said to him, “I’m not looking for a relationship, but I’m a girl and we both know it’s in my nature to want that eventually from someone I’m being intimate with. So, I can’t promise you that one day I won’t start feeling weird about this. But I can tell you that right now I don’t. And as long as you’re nice and respectful and we’re having fun together I think it will be fine. And if one day my feelings change, then I’ll tell you, and if one day your feelings change then you tell me. And we’ll deal with it.” He was floored by my honesty and appreciated that I was willing to talk about it. Don’t treat it like something you shouldn’t be doing. I have a feeling when we’re too old to do much besides play bingo and celebrate a bowel movement, we won’t be regretting the things that we did wrong, but instead the things we just didn’t ever do!
I’m sure we make many more than three mistakes, but I don’t want to lose you by over-doing it.
Photo Via – LifeByStacy on Tumblr