They say it’s hard out here for a pimp. I disagree. I think we should all strive to be pimps. Not the kind who rent out hookers for an hour at a time but the kind who are in charge of their love life. As girls, we have to battle this little domestic voice in us that whispers in our ear, “You need love…You need a husband… Learn how to cook… Read Erin’s blog…” Okay, maybe that last one is just me trying to manipulate you.
Anyway, we have to fight off this instinct that tells us everything will be okay once we just become Mrs. Bieber. That’s just a random last name I pulled out of nowhere. Once we become someone’s wife. It messes with our head because from the minute someone asks us out on a date, we are jumping so far ahead in our minds about what color trim will be on our perfect house and if we’ll get along with their mother that we haven’t even figured out the important stuff like, is this person rich? Just kidding. Kind of.
We have this way of immediately putting ourselves on the defense in the beginning of a possible relationship. When is he gonna call? Should I cancel plans for Saturday in case he asks me out? Did I say the right thing? What if he stops liking me? I’m here to tell you that this sick little insecure game is stopping right now. You are giving girls a bad name. You are a pimp, you hear me? A pimp! You want to see someone, call them. You want to make plans, make em. I promise – whoever you think is so amazing that he earned the right to seven hours of your undivided online stalking time? There are more men where he came from. He poops, for goodness’ sake. He poops! How gross is that?
If you’re gonna be a girl on the hunt for a relationship, then you can’t forget that you’re hunting, girlfriend. You’re the hunter. And this isn’t some kind of feminist business I’m spewing. I’m not saying anything about how much you should get paid at work or if you’re as bad of a driver as everyone says, I’m just saying to take the control back! Lying on your bed with your friends waiting for the phone to ring was fine when you were in fifth grade playing Girl Talk but honey, you don’t have the time or the ankles to act like that anymore.
Your life doesn’t start when you get married (most people say that’s when it ends, actually, but we’ll save that for my relationship guide). Your life is happening now. Right now. It’s like when you see a snake and you panic and the expert tells you, “Just be cool. He’s more afraid of you than you are of him. Don’t seem scared or he’ll attack”. Same rule applies to dating. If you don’t set the tone of being confident and in control right away, then he will.
Now, don’t confuse being confident with being bitchy. No-no, my friend, those are not the same thing. Have you ever witnessed a fight between a couple out in public where the girl is screaming and flailing her arms around and the guy is just standing there looking at her like she’s crazy? Does she look confident to you? More importantly, does she look like a pimp? No. She looks like someone who will probably slash his tires later while sobbing and eating a bag of Cheetos. No one wants to be that girl because she never gets what she wants.
In conclusion, you are not a victim in the dating scene. I don’t care if it has been ten years since you’ve found love. In a world where Jennifer Aniston is the sad, unlovable girl who can’t get a man and she’s smoking hot with millions in the bank and the inventor of “The Rachel” haircut, you can easily see how hard it is out there to get it
right. Take the pressure off yourself. There’s no rush. You’ve got this. You’re a pimp. You know all the words to every song in The Little Mermaid. Snap out of it.
Image via themindofmahad.com
i love this article …. hit me hard ..
Brad Pitt is not great being so boyish, I will not watch movies with him and Angelina Jolie. I hate Angelina Jolie.
I also like Julia Roberts.
Jennifer Aniston is super.
You are amazing! this article really helped me; I was feeling a little bit sad before I read it, but now, I’m feeling like a pimp!
Wow. I love you! I am struggling with a new guy situation right now… and I do know all the songs to The Little Mermaid!!
I love it!! Thank you for putting that way….I am a Pimp!! We are all Pimps….Find your Pimp and let her shine! Hahaha you have inspired me to try.. oops….I mean be a Pimp! Thank you, You are so AWESOME!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! KEEP THE SINGLE GIRLS GUIDE GOING, PLEASE!!
I got abs laughing with this hahahaha
I love your posts!
I DO know all the words to every song in The Little Mermaid. You’re right, I have been known to choose the names of our children right after I’ve just met a guy. Or possible just seen him in the lift at work and don’t even know his name. Or just fallen in love with him on television.
But now, I will be a pimp! And sing the songs from The Little Mermaid more often.
<3
woah this was amazing! thanks for the confidence boost!
this is awesome! love your sense of humor.
you are honestly a genius. i read your blogs everyday!!!! HUGE fan! keep it up pimp.
I think I just found a new morning mantra for the bathroom mirror. Wonderful!
you’re hilarious. seriously obsessed with errrthang you write haha
so much love!! you’re all clearly pimps.
i love this post!
i’m going to totally admit some secret single behaviour… but i just printed this out and put it on my fridge… King Biggy and all! Kinda as a reminder ya know?
P.I.M.P
Beautiful. I always try to remember that you have to choose someone back!
Never has more truth been written. Love.