Single Girls Guide Part 5 Erin Foster

I used to be obsessed with watching Patti Stanger’s Millionaire Matchmaker. Getting to witness two people on their first date is addicting. Getting to witness people gauging their chemistry with someone else, seeing the awkward stumble through small talk, and holding on to the hope that it will work out for them even though we know it won’t. Anyway, the show absolutely fell apart and became Bravo’s version of the infamous show we all used to watch, “Blind Date.”  Blind Date was all about watching people who hate each other get stuck on a date. Millionaire Matchmaker is like that now. It’s like, let’s take the biggest creep who barely qualifies for this show with his one point two mil and have him take a twenty two year-old vegetarian to a local pig farm for hotdogs. We watch for the disaster, not the happy ending. After a while I get tired of waitng for the disaster. It bores me. If I want to see a disaster, I’ll go to a wedding and listen to the girls in the bathroom who are drunk and peeing and crying. That’s real life. Until then, here’s a list of ways to avoid being a disaster.

 

  • Drink less at weddings
  • Hang out with fewer people who are getting married. They’re trying to ruin your life
  • Close out tabs on your computer for adoption agencies before letting someone use your computer
  • Don’t go on Millionaire Matchmaker
  • Get a job (single or not, this is just important)
  • Occasionally bring someone other than your gay to special events
  • Have a grown up e-mail address without numbers in it
  • Stop arguing that the movie is as good as the book. You’re wrong.
  • It might be time to stop saying OMG in a verbal conversation
  • If you’ve been nominated for #HumbleBrag more than twice, you don’t deserve to have friends

 

Just get it together. We can’t live like this anymore.

Photo Via www.someecards.com

comments

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  1. fuh … i’ve done all stated above .. lucky me ..

  2. Get a job (single or not, this is just important). Can right blog about jobs, I am so proud to get a job. I need this help.

  3. Cool, again the same-sex attractions?

  4. Occasionally bring someone other than your GAY to special events.

  5. I was totes just reading adoption agency websites before I read this. Your speaking to my heart.

  6. You’re my hero. I even LIKED you on Facebook… ya like that?

  7. “It might be time to stop saying OMG in a verbal conversation”…duely noted. Also, I think “stop taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone in your bathroom mirror. It makes you look like you don’t have friends” should be added to the list.

  8. “Stop arguing that the movie is as good as the book. You’re wrong.” Rebuttal: The Devil Wears Prada.

  9. “Have a grown up e-mail address without numbers in it” Thank you! I hate peoples’ emails that are like “mischievousgirl69@mail.com”

  10. “hang out with fewer people who are getting married. they’re trying to ruin your life.” — HA. Loved this. laughed out loud. so true, and I’m barely 22.

  11. “Occasionally bring someone other than your gay to special events” may or may not hit too close to home. :)

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